Welcome to the second pay-per-view in two weeks! I actually got to see this one, so before we begin:

- If you give his a read, please share it with everyone you have ever met. I’m not kidding. Show it to your ex-girlfriends, your high school teachers, people you see wandering around out front of the community college, homeless people. I’m looking to spread the word about these reports and can use every Facebook share and Retweet and Spotify Spotification you can muster. And no, I don’t have any idea what Spotify is or how it works.

- Also, I’d really appreciate it if you’d leave a comment after you’re done to let us know what you thought of the show or the report. If I can become enough of a voice for the voiceless, Jim Rome will start thinking I’m real and let me on his show.

- If you aren’t familiar with the Hell In A Cell concept, be sure to check out The Masked Man’s excellent Hell In A Cell preview over at Grantland. Also, bug him on the Internet so he’ll fill in for me on one of these reports one day. I can return the favor to him by filling in for Chuck Klosterman and remembering Ninja Turtles.

The Best and Worst of WWE Hell In A Cell is after the jump. Enjoy.

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Like Max Payne, it’s bullet time.

- Before you read this week’s column, please make sure you’ve read The Best and Worst of Summerslam 2011. It contains important, mostly-positive information necessary to understanding last night’s Raw. I’m just kidding, a mentally handicapped child could tune in to Raw and know what was going on in the first five minutes, I just want you to read and enjoy my stuff. Also, you have to know Kevin Nash is there.

- As always, comments are appreciated. My self-deprecating approach to asking for comments has gone around to being worthy of deprecation, so I’ll try not to beg. I’m trying to form the column around what’s most palatable for everyone, so if it ends up as just pictures of Maryse and a bunch of nerd references you’ll know who won. I’m going to toss a picture of Maryse on the side here, because she never shows up on Raw. Likes, Facebook shares, Plus-ones and Twitter re-Twitters are also appreciated.

- Don’t forget to watch NXT. Maryse shows up there, and I have insider information that Maxine will return as a surprise contestant. MAXINE, people. The show is in week 77 of its 280 week run, so now’s the time to jump on board. Vote Bateman. I can’t write “the big guy barks like a dog” as a worst every week.

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Your now standard pre-report bullet points.

- As always, you are this column’s voice. Please take the time to drop a comment if you read, and know that you sharing it with your friends (who are hopefully sane, like-minded individuals who appreciate attempts at entertaining wrestling writing on the Internet) is the coolest thing ever and deeply appreciated by the author. I also like “likes” and retweets and +1s, but not as much. Okay, I’m lying, I need those too.

- I paid $55 for this and did not stream it illegally on the Internet. That’s why the screen caps are so pixelated, I have an old TV. I mean a new one. Whichever excuse you believe. Also, to my knowledge, everyone involved in this PPV was 18-or-more years old. And no animals were harmed, unless you count Michael Cole’s weird thing against vegan athletes.

- I don’t have a third bullet point, so I’ll use this space to say “keep Derrick Bateman on NXT”. I don’t know how redemption points work, I don’t know how long this season is supposed to run (we’re on week 40-something right now, I think) and I’m still not 100% on how to vote, but do what you can to keep this guy on WWE TV. Even if it’s WWE TV on the Internet.

Enjoy the Best and Worst of Summerslam.

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The now regular pre-read numbers:

1. The last two editions of The Best and Worst of WWE Raw have clocked in at around 140 comments each, and I can’t tell you how thankful I am to you for that. I love reading your comments, even the negative ones, and the more you comment the more dynamic and engaging this whole process becomes. In fact, I’m proposing a contest: If we can get this shared around to enough jerky forums and Facebook feeds to get to 200 comments (legitimate comments, not +1 or john cena gay, or john cena gay +1) I’ll start handing out prizes. Because I like you, and you’re doing me a favor.

2. I’m officially giving up my quest to get @KaitlynWWE to notice me, so I’m moving on to @WWEKaitlyn, who I’m pretty sure is a fat guy trolling fan sites. I bet that guy would think I’m great.

3. I’m thinking about parlaying this into some kind of wrestling podcast. Is that a terrible idea? I feel like wrestling podcasts are either droll, lispy lists of dirt sheet rumors or wrestlers making inside jokes with their friends. I don’t lisp and I barely have any friends. I think it would work. Thoughts?

Anyway, enjoy the column. I got it up before four o’clock!

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