Unrelated but wonderful.

By now you’re probably aware that the International Olympics Committee – long known for being a bastion of integrity and morality – has decided to do away with amateur wrestling as a Summer Olympic event. You know this because you read about it in a rational news source or Joe Rogan rage-Tweeted your feed or because Chael Sonnen screamed it into your eye holes, but either way it was bad news. And it sucks because there are dudes and young ladies around the world who busted their asses and devoted their formative years to something that they really loved. Now they’ll all probably turn to a life of crack and crime.

At least that’s what TV has taught me.

There are some people, though, who don’t care about who is hurt, and they just see this as a reality. Ultimately, we’re all going to have to get used to not watching amateur wrestling every four years, and guys like UFC President Dana White think that won’t be a problem because nobody was watching it anyway.

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Hey, everybody, Happy Valentine’s Day.

Remember Oscar Pistorius, the South African sprinter and double-amputee who participated in the 2012 Summer Olympics and once beat a horse in a footrace? Yeah, he murdered his girlfriend today. As the story goes, he mistook her for a home invader and shot her. Uh, four times.

Paralympic superstar Oscar Pistorius was charged Thursday with the murder of his girlfriend who was shot inside his home in South Africa, a stunning development in the life of a national hero known as the Blade Runner for his high-tech artificial legs.

Reeva Steenkamp, a model who spoke out on Twitter against rape and abuse of women, was shot four times in the predawn hours in the house, in a gated community in the capital, Pretoria, police said. (via ESPN)

One of the worst things about the murder (you know, besides somebody being f**king murdered) is that Steenkamp’s last words to the Internet were cheeky affirmations of how awesome Valentine’s Day is and an Instagram about how you shouldn’t be violent towards women. Cajun touched on that on our main page earlier today.

I don’t really know what to say. It’s a tragedy. It’s stupid.

Because we are contractually obligated to never do Twitter Reacts! posts again, I decided to find 10 Huffington Post comments section comments that totally and unbelievably missed the point, each in their own special little way. Consider it a reference guide. If you’re about to type something about Oscar Pistorius that reads like one of the following comments, just backspace it until it is gone forever.

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U-S-A?

Chances are that before yesterday, unless you were a huge fan of the Summer Olympics in the 1990s, you had no clue who Suzy Favor Hamilton was, and that’s fine because you have a lot on your mind. Some people may remember her as the 1500m runner who intentionally fell during the women’s final at the 2000 Sydney Olympics because she was losing and she was a poor sport. Or maybe you remember her from this controversial Nike ad that was yanked during those same Olympics because people didn’t have a sense of humor back then either.

However, as you’ve probably seen in between stockpiling rations and digging a last-second bunker in your front yard, you could have gotten to know her very well this year for roughly $600 an hour. It turns out that the married mother was leading a double life as an escort in Las Vegas since last December, and of course I couldn’t wait three more days to write my Best Sports Moments of 2012 feature.

The Smoking Gun revealed this incredible story yesterday after a reporter had uncovered Hamilton’s unbelievable secret and confronted her with it.

“I take full responsibility for my mistakes. I’m not the victim and I’m not going that route,” Favor Hamilton said. “I’m owning up to what I did. I would not blame anybody except myself.” She added, “Everybody in this world makes mistakes. I made a huge mistake. Huge.”

HUGE! Like, while she was saying this, she should have been holding her arms as far apart as she possibly could or maybe just have been holding a sign that read: “HUGE!” in really huge letters. I mean, good golly, lady. A secret double life as a high end Vegas escort? If you’re that bored or depressed, get a puppy.

But I won’t pretend to play shrink to Hamilton’s chaotic brain, and I don’t have to because she ran off a series of Tweets yesterday explaining why she did this.

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Conan O’Brien’s ‘Clueless Gamer’ segments are the best. If you frequent UPROXX, you may have already seen him play through ‘Skyrim’ as a cat named Mr. Buttons or not give a shit about ‘Minecraft’.

This week’s segment reviews ‘Just Dance 4,’ enlisting the help of U.S. Olympic soccer gold medalist/the Internet’s girlfriend Alex Morgan. Alex and Conan dance their way through Carly Rae Jepsen’s ‘Call Me Maybe’ and Europe’s ‘The Final Countdown’ before Conan gives up completely and leaves Alex to roll around on the floor by herself.

It’s five minutes of Alex Morgan dancing in workout clothes, people, you don’t need me to blurb this for you. Video is below.

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Alex Morgan and other people wearing Olympics clothes want to say thank you for your support. You’re welcome, everyone except Lolo Jones. You just made me feel really stressed out all the time. (via Gunaxin)

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Links

The Best Of Our Live Discussion With Ryan Hurst From ‘Sons Of Anarchy’ |UPROXX|

Into The Dark Heart Of Guy Fieri Culinary Hell: A Review Of Guy’s American Bar And Kitchen |Warming Glow|

James Cameron puts Jack-Could’ve-Fit Gate to Rest Once and for All |Film Drunk|

Sports On TV: 30 Rock’s 20 Greatest Sports Moments |With Leather|

Four Reasons Paul W.S. Anderson Deserves More Credit |Gamma Squad|

50 Cent Doing Business With Manny Pacquiao Is The Most 50 Cent Thing Ever |Smoking Section|

Peyton Manning Victories Apparently Marred By Pigeon Droppings |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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Olympic gold medal gymnasts Gabby Douglas, Kyla Ross and Internet Favorite McKayla Maroney threw out the ceremonial first pitches before Tuesday’s Padres-Dodgers game at Dodger Stadium. The results were mixed. Gabby Douglas has obviously never thrown a baseball in her life and just kinda lobs it in. Kyla’s effort is better, but it hits the dirt before it gets to the catcher.

Because McKayla Maroney is not impressed (she’s never impressed) and is totally the Marcia Brady of the outfit, she steals the spotlight by taking a few steps back to pitch from the mound, gets it across the plate and jumps up and down in celebration. McKayla is once again Princess For The Day, and Gabby has to sulk away, mentally preparing herself for all those shitty questions Tim Federowicz is about to ask about her hair.

Full video is below. If this whole thing isn’t funny to you, watch it for the foxy teen girls in short-shorts. Or Tim Federowicz.

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