Hello! I hear it’s a long weekend where most of you are. Why not take the next three days off to enjoy an Impact report? A few things:

- By the time you read this, the latest edition of that crazypants Chikara conspiracy theory podcast I do with Smiths-lovin’ vegan cool guy Robert Newsome will have been posted to The Mandible Claw. Dark things are coming, guys. And I don’t just mean our extended conversation about Supermarket Sweep.

- If there’s one thing I am good it, it’s making suggestions on how you should spend some of your money. Might I recommend donating to the Air Sex Documentary Kickstarter? Or how about a brand-spanking new Dasher Hatfield shirt? Chris Trew and Dasher Hatfield make me endlessly happy. Get into them!

- You can follow me on Twitter here, With Leather here, and UPROXX here. You can also like us on Facebook! You can tumbl this column! What a world we live in, guys. Sex with air and social media. Greatest generation, shmeatest shmeneration.

This week on Impact: Senility, yelling, more yelling, terrible wrestling, and the unintentional hilarity of an angry Samoa Joe. It’s…even worse than it sounds.

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photo credi: ImpactWrestling.com

Hello lovelies! It’s been too long. I’ve returned from the land of gross and incapacitating illnesses, and I brought a Best and Worst with me! T-shirts were sold out. Sorry.

A few things:

- The Mandible Claw was also on hiatus this week, given that the only things I could do were self-medicate and not move from the warm, comforting embrace of my couch. You should still check it out, though! It’s gonna be a good week next week, especially if you enjoy Chikara (you should), and me not sounding like Marianne Faithfull with post-nasal drip (you really should; it was weird).

- Everyone likes Chris Trew, yeah? And everyone likes fake sex with willing imaginary participants, yeah? Donate to the Air Sex Championship Documentary Kickstarter. Or don’t. But it’d be great if you did. Chris Trew is nice, and I want him to have nice things.

- I like Twitter. Twitter is easy. It’s also easy to follow me here. Follow With Leather, because Brandon and Burnsy are fun dudes, and UPROXX, because everyone loves Simon Pegg gifs.

This week on Impact: Joseph Park, more Joseph Park, and some other stuff I guess.

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It’s very difficult to share a news story that starts with, “a man shot himself at the NRA 500,” and give it the proper gravity. A guy died, you know? That’s not funny.

At the same time, it’s so thematically notable that it makes sports bloggers feel like Oscar f**king Wilde, so we’ve got to talk about it. Here’s what happened at the Texas Motor Speedway on Saturday night:

Fort Worth police have said a man who was camping in the infield died of a “self-inflicted injury” after getting into an argument with other campers. The incident happened late in the Sprint Cup race.

Police spokeswoman Cpl. Tracey Knight has said alcohol may have been a factor. Knight said several people witnessed the incident, but nobody was in danger.

Track spokesman Mike Zizzo say the death occurred “in or around a pickup truck” in part of the infield near the middle of the backstretch. (via AP)

I’ve read this a few times now, and aside from the obvious stuff (“guy shoots self at gun race”), the “in or around a pickup truck” part is hanging me up. My guess is that the track spokesman didn’t want somebody assuming the guy killed himself in a stock car or whatever, but at the risk of being assumptive and stereotypical, doesn’t EVERYTHING at a NASCAR race happen in or around a pickup truck? I say this as a proud, adoptive resident of Texas. “I bought some cotton candy in or around a pickup truck,” etc.

Predictably, not everyone believes a guy could shoot himself at an event sponsored by gun enthusiasts. Some folks are saying the story has been fabricated by the Elitist Liberal Media — Piers Morgan has already lost his shit about the NRA 500 a few times, and he pretty much does his show in a t-shirt reading “Elite Liberal Media” — so let’s jump over to YouTube and see what’s reasonable.

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In talking with a friend of mine yesterday, after news broke that Mindy McCready had killed herself, he asked, “Who the f*ck is Mindy McCready?” I first replied, “A country singer.” That didn’t clear anything up. Next I tried, “Crazy lady, always in and out of rehab”, but that didn’t help either. So I went with: “Roger Clemens had an affair with her back in the 90s when she was like 15 or something” and he replied, “Oh yeah”, and the reason I bring this up is because the New York Daily News editors apparently had a similar discussion with someone last night as well.

McCready’s death and her relationship with Clemens really have nothing to do with each other, unless you count “They’re both things that happened” as a valid excuse, in which case you can go ahead and report to the NY Daily News for your new gig. It’s also important to remember that not only is a very troubled person now dead, but so is her boyfriend, whose murder had people pointing at McCready, and she even killed her dog before offing herself, which… well, my feelings about people who kill pets can best be summed up in one GIF.

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According to a continually updating report from TMZ.com, former San Diego Chargers linebacker and NFL 1990s All-Decade Team member Junior Seau has been involved in a possible shooting and may be dead. Whoa.

The report:

Cops in Oceanside, CA are investigating a possible shooting involving former NFL star Junior Seau … law enforcement sources tell TMZ.

We spoke with an investigator in the coroner’s office .. who told us they got a call to respond to the scene … though the details surrounding the situation are still unclear.

Cops are currently at a residence where 43-year-old Junior is believed to be staying.

People in law enforcement are telling us Junior Seau is dead … but we are unable to confirm that right now.

And the update:

11:06 AM PDT — A man just came out of the house appearing extremely distraught … and he is now talking with law enforcement.

This is obviously the worst kind of sports news, and I think I speak for everyone when I hope it’s not as bad as it seems.

UPDATE:

Ugh, now it’s official. TMZ says Junior Seau is dead.

NFL legend Junior Seau was found dead in his home in Oceanside, CA … and a law enforcement source at the scene tells us cops believe he shot himself.

Seau was 43-years-old … and leaves behind 3 kids and an ex-wife.

Every imaginable condolence goes out to Seau’s family.

That sounds like I’m trying to be an asshole, right? It sounds like I woke up this morning and read that Mike Flanagan had committed suicide, and I’ve got no tact or personal connection to the man or his family so I came up with something jokey and tasteless for a headline. That’s what we do on the Internet, right? Joke about these things until they don’t matter?

I wish that were the case.

Flanagan’s body was found outside his Baltimore County home yesterday afternoon. He was 59.

Police have not released an official cause of death … But WBAL-TV Sports Director Gerry Sandusky confirmed with sources that Flanagan committed suicide “despondent over what he considered a false perception from a community he loved of his role in the team’s prolonged failure.”

Unbelievable.

Flanagan, in many respects, was as “Baltimore” as the city itself. He lived in Baltimore County. From 1975 until 1992, he played all but four of his 18 seasons in the Major Leagues there. He won a Cy Young for the Orioles in 1979 and a World Series in ’83, and in his post-playing days stuck around in Baltimore as a pitching coach, broadcaster and executive vice president of baseball operations. That would’ve been a general manager in most places. The Baltimore Orioles haven’t had a winning season since 1997, but as weird as it is to hope there was some reasonable explanation for a man taking his own life, you’ve got to hope that there was more to it than that.

The Baltimore Sun has started posting reactions from various Orioles players and executives, including a statement from Peter Angelos and this from Cal Ripken, Jr. I don’t think I can handle a sad Cal Ripken.

“I am so sorry to hear about Mike’s passing. He was a good friend and teammate and our thoughts are with Alex and his family. Mike was an Oriole through and through and he will be sorely missed by family, friends and fans. This is a sad day.”

Even sadder is Jim Palmer, who had to react to the news in the middle of last night’s game.

Rest in peace, Mr. Flanagan, and thank you for trying.