When Mark Cuban purchased the Dallas Mavericks from Ross Perot Jr. in 2000, he allowed Perot to maintain a 5% ownership stake in the team. Cuban admits to this day that having to deal with Perot as a partner in any capacity is the worst thing that he’s ever had to deal with in business. That’s probably because Perot filed a lawsuit against Cuban last year, claiming that he had mismanaged the team to approximately $200 million in debt and to the brink of insolvency.

Cuban, of course, called that claim absurd last year and he responded to the allegations by accusing Perot of trying to milk him for money because of his own mishandling of a bad real estate deal. But things are just a tiny bit different now that Cuban and the Mavericks are World Champions. Cuban’s attorneys filed a motion for summary judgment for dismissal this week and you know that Cuban did it in the most Cuban way imaginable.

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In a sentence that no man should have to write, athletic shoe company “LeBron Jordan” is suing LeBron James and Michael Jordan for $150 million each for “poisoning its [good] name in the press.”  The cordwainer (look it up) claims that reps at Live Nation and Nike sunk a multimillion dollar, Amalgam Comics-quality footwear deal by calling them idiots (more or less) and threatening to sue.  The case is expected to rage throughout sports media websites until it is inevitably dismissed with a wanking motion by a county judge.

LeBron Jordan, Inc. (an incorporated company) points out that nobody trademarked the words “Lebron” and “Jordan” together, and “you could not even find that name combination on Google.”  I want to be in the court when this goes down, just to have one of the crazy LJI guys stand up and yell, “but there isn’t even anybody NAMED LeBron Jordan, your honor!”  In addition to name combination finding-out, Google can be used to view the LeBron Jordan website, wherein you find out they make high-tops out of old Super Nintendos.

This lawsuit is sure to rock three of the four LeBrons to their core, and is the worst non-personal, non-Miami-Heat-related thing to ever happen to them.  It’s pretty bad for Jordan, too, ranking somewhere between accidentally wearing a Hitler mustache in an underwear commercial and having his father murdered.

For more information, please Google the words “TMZ” and “basketball” together.

Last year, beacon of Internet gossip blogging integrity TheDirty.com featured a post about Sarah Jones, a cheerleader for the Cincinnati Bengals. One of The Dirty’s readers valiantly exposed Sarah as a less-than-reputable lady of class, basically saying that she was a jock-chasing disease trap, and she took her fight to court to clear her good name. Sarah, who also spends her days working as a high school teacher, was awarded $11 million in damages in a triumphant decision in the face of careless slander. The only problem is that she’ll probably never get to deposit it.

You see, Sarah’s lawyer filed the lawsuit against the wrong company. Instead of suing Hooman “Nik Ritchie” Karamian and TheDirty.com, the lawsuit instead targeted TheDirt.com and Dirty World Entertainment Recordings. Whoops. Dirty World Entertainment is a Dublin, Georgia outfit dedicated to underground rap artists, like Trae Duice, according to their MySpace profile, which I checked after traveling back to 2005. TheDirty.com belongs to Dirty World LLC. Simple mistake. Simple $11 million mistake.

This whole blogosphere is out of order, The Last Angry Fan:

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As if it isn’t already difficult enough for ~Red$uxxx69~ and Wrigley4Lyfe***420 to earn credibility on baseball message boards, it seems that a bunch of ne’er-do-wells are flooding the MLB.com boards with porn spam links. Major League Baseball has filed a subpoena in New York Supreme Court against Charter Communications, to which the IP addresses were traced back to, in order to determine the identity of the offending users. Good thing, too. We certainly can’t have web sites flooded with porn.

These vulgar efforts have been taking place for nearly a year, as the first offenses began popping up in July 2009. MLB’s legal team claims that the posts have not only been pornographic in nature, but threatening as well. In fact, in between posts of user genitalia, there have been threats toward someone known as “McCabe.” Wait a second… user genitalia and violent threats… Has anyone performed a search on Roger Clemens’ computer?

Tell me how to extend my manhood two inches, Switched:

Since July 2009, MLB’s message boards have been flooded by dozens of “threatening, abusive, obscene, vulgar, demeaning, offensive, pornographic, profane, sexually explicit, indecent and inappropriate” messages or images…

It’s still unclear when the content in question was originally posted and how frequently the user or users bombarded the site afterward. If the site was really smeared “dozens” of times, though, wouldn’t MLB have taken action a long time ago? It’s surprising that this kind of material could just slip past the security of such a major site.

According to Reuters, the threats toward “McCabe” were sexual in nature, prompting Mike Piazza to change his name to McCabe M. McCaberson. While Charter representatives have yet to issue a comment, the company is based out of St. Louis, which means that MLB is dealing with the most intelligent and loyal porn spammers in America.