Ah, the first Monday NFL hangover of 2011. And what a Sunday it was, friends. We’ll soon be discussing all sorts of things like last night’s poopfest between Mark Sanchez and Tony Romo, as well as all the college football drama you can swallow. In the meantime, enjoy these links.

(and just like these girls, we want to thank the fire fighters and place men)

(Video via The Daily What.)

Links

Who The Heck Are These Guys: The FilmDrunk Guide To Happy Madison - Every entry should just be “gets to make movies because he’s friends with Adam Sandler”, but you don’t really get to those guys until page 4. [Film Drunk]

‘Home Improvement’ Reunion: Jonathan Taylor Thomas Turns 30 - And he looks weird. Welcome to your future, Bieber. Now do Wild America 2. |Warming Glow|

The Internet Improves Upon The Art Of The Old Masters with Fat Cat Photoshops - Children 80 years from now are gonna be learning that cats were actually in these paintings, and it’s all our fault. We’re creating Idiocracy by accident, people. [Gamma Squad]

Internet Rallies To Help Mentally Disabled Man Whose Superman Collection Was Stolen - Sometimes the Internet is a cool place. Although really, who steals a Superman collection from a mentally disabled person? There are like eight different questions of “why” in that. [UPROXX]

Wait, There’s a Postapocalyptic Porn? And It’s Serious? - Yeah right, like you didn’t know this was a thing. How hard is it to put some buttf**king in a remake of The Road? Not very. [Gamma Squad]

All Of The Musicians You Were Conceived To Reunite For Hilarity - I like David D., but he is severely overestimating my parents if he thinks they were doing it to Jodeci. My parents conceived me to Andrew Gold, pretty sure. [Smoking Section]

South Park Guys Crash NYU Writing Class - I would give any amount of money for Trey Parker to crash something I’m doing. I don’t care if I’m doing open heart sugery, I want him to lean in the room and yell DOOK ERR JERBSSSS. [Warming Glow[

Of Course Bridesmaids Has A Porn Parody - Torrent or it didn't happen. Why can't Kristen Wiig be in this one? [Film Drunk]

Meet the Real Life Russian Barbie Doll - Feel like I’ve already met this lady like 40 times. [Buzzfeed]

Daughter of F1 boss spends $1.6 million on crystal bathtub, says “it’s worth it” - This is how I felt when I paid 15 dollars for the pot holder that looks like Pac-Man. [FARK]

Rumor: Henry Cavill’s Too-Sexy ‘Man of Steel’ Suit May Have to Go - Rumor: somebody finally realized they were making another goddamn Superman movie and nobody is going to pay to see it, so they’ve got to call “too much bulge” and shut it down. [Moviefone]

16 Celebrities Who Fled the Midwest For Hollywood - I want to see somebody make a list of the 16,000 other people who did this and ended up selling t-shirts on the side of the road. [The Smoking Jacket]

Links

Lucky Strikes: Rap’s 50 Greatest One-Hit Wonders - I will not support literature that casts dispersions on Positive K. Also, Vanilla Ice is the Billy Ray Cyrus of music, where people just ASSUME he had one hit, but he had like three. I mean, unless “Havin’ A Roni” suddenly wasn’t great. [Smoking Section]

The Official Warming Glow Fall TV Preview Drinking Game - “Community” (premiering September 22): Drink every time Annie is hotter than Britta, which is every time she’s on screen, and the only time you can stop drinking is in real life when you remember Alison Brie was in Born and Gillian Jacobs goes to Pro Wrestling Guerrilla shows. [Warming Glow]

Michael Bay Auditions a New Ferrari Washer: A Picture Story - Every thing with a moral tells me that sleeping with perfect-yet-disposable women like this is fun for like 40 years, but leaves you with a sense of artistic and personal emptiness. Michael Bay’s art is the best example of a thing with a moral. [Film Drunk]

Funny, Sexy, and Awesome Cosplay of the Week - These are incredible this week. I thought sexy Crow and Tom Servo was the best thing ever until I flipped a few pages and landed on someone dressed as Princess Allura from Voltron. omggggggggg [Gamma Squad]

Tea Party Zombies Must Die Lets Gamers Kill Right Wing Zombies - 2011′s “Beat Up Barney!” Sorry, but Mutant League Hockey already gave me the ability to kill right wingers. [UPROXX]

Want to See the Rejected Cast of Star Trek? - Sure. Is Welshie in here somewhere? [Gamma Squad]

Naked Man Found Dead in Hot Tub with TV Weatherman After Gay S&M Drug Party - I wish I could write headlines like this at With Leather, but nobody from the New York Yankees has died in a hot tub yet. [Warming Glow]

Why the Worst Superhero Ever Made Is Responsible for the Best Superhero Movie Ever Made - The most exciting part of this link is the idea that they were gonna make a big budget Batman movie with Egghead, Mad Hatter, King Tut and Scarecrow as the villains. I would watch the f**king sh*t out of that. [FARK]

Indiana Jones Gets Whipped by Barbra Streisand in Lost Footage from ‘The Temple of Doom’ - And in lost footage from Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Barbra Streisand shows up as a CGI monkey who must survive a nuclear explosion by hiding in a toaster. Ugh, that movie makes my stomach hurt. [Moviefone]

5 Essential Purchases for Packing Up and Moving to Hollywood - An important list for me, as I make my first ever trip to Los Angeles next weekend. I think I’m going to hang around and leech off my friends, who have all been out there for years making something of themselves while I blogged about wrestling from Cleveland. [Adult Swim]

Ben & Jerry’s Schweddy Balls Happened - Did it happen 15 years ago? Because if it didn’t, jesus christ [Daily What]

11 Reasons Why I’m Holding Out Hope That The Eddie Murphy Oscars Won’t Be One Massive, Fat Suited Ratnerf*cking - The teaser trailer for Shrek The Fifth: Star Shrek is number 12. I don’t know if that’s a real thing. Reason 13: Carey Mulligan will be there, and she is the hottest underaged boy in Hollywood. [Pajiba]

Hollywood studios have set a record for Super Bowl XLV as commercial time has been purchased for 13 movies, up considerably from the 8 movies that were advertised last year. Fox actually filled all of its commercial space back in October, with ads going for as much as $3 million. Studios like Warner Bros. and 20th Century Fox won’t be advertising during the Super Bowl because they think it’s stupid and a waste of money, but not Sony. Nope, those jerks are going to cram Just Go With It down our fat, drunken throats.

Among the movies that will be repeatedly thrown at us are Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon, Thor, Captain America, Battle: Los Angeles, Cowboys and Aliens and Pirates of the Caribbean: Holy Crap They Made Another One. And while I’m admittedly geeked to see more Thor and Captain America spots, my mute button is ready.

Give us the skinny and a mocha trenta latte with soy, Variety…

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