I’m probably not the only one that’s paranoid about buying tickets to sporting events online. Though I’ve done it a handful of times and not been burned by it, surely some people have. One such gentleman did get the shaft when a buyer reneged on a deal to buy his tickets for an undisclosed sporting event.

The auction had ended at 10:00am and by 5:00pm she still hadn’t responded to my emails trying to organize the exchange. Finally, at 9:30pm, I got a one-liner email: “I overbid and my husband won’t let me buy these. Sorry and enjoy the game! :)”

I first tried explaining that I wouldn’t have the time to resell the tickets (I already got turned down by the losing bidders). She said, “… that’s not my problem. It’s eBay, not a car dealership. I can back out if I want.” I still don’t understand the car dealership reference.

Instead of sulking and taking the loss, the guy fought fire with fire and pulled a scam of his own, and then shared the tale of his “conquest” on Reddit. You can read it over there; I won’t ruin the ending for you, but I’ll be curious to see what happens to the guy that basically confessed to pulling a scam on eBay. Hopefully he’ll get some kind of reward, but that broad–provided all of this actually happened–totally had it coming.

–via Gizmodo.

A California man in a Mark Sanchez jersey made off with a quarterback sneak of his own, robbing a Los Angeles-area bank Monday morning. Information was not released regarding how much money the perp managed to bag, or whether or not he left his wallet in El Segundo.

The man handed a note demanding money to a teller at Chase Bank, 201 Manhattan Beach Blvd. at 8:50 a.m. Monday. The teller handed over cash.

The balding man is white, 60 to 65 years old, 5 feet 8 inches tall, with a heavy build. He had slicked back white hair.

The actual Mark Sanchez is still in the second year of that $28 million deal that he signed after being drafted fifth overall in the 2009 draft. And according to rumors, he’s now dating sports reporter Lindsay McCormick, whom I would describe as “not unattractive.” This bank robber, however, might soon be engaged in a passionate romp with Prisoner No. 567038. Top that, Mark.

Thanks, Ronit.

This is a 48-year-old Somali man that’s about to be stoned to death for adultery. And if you thought the level of indignation for Tiger Woods was bad over here, it would have been even worse in a country overrun with religious insurgents like Somalia. And the Hizbul Islam guerrillas are just a bit tougher to impress than the Florida Highway Patrol. They’ve banned movies, dancing, and even soccer. They’re just like John Lithgow’s character from Footloose mashed with John Lithgow’s character from “Dexter.” But with guns and stuff. But this guy didn’t have to crash his Cadillac to get caught; that’s just another reason to hate Somalia if you ask me.

But Tiger himself? His biggest sponsor, Nike, is standing by their guy, and despite all of Tiger Woods’ other sponsors lessening his image in their promotional campaigns, no one besides Accenture has dropped him. But Nike’s CEO is more like John Lithgow’s character from “3rd Rock From The Sun,” only he’s not doing Jane Curtain. Haha, “curtain.” –ANIMAL, via NYTimes.

Here’s that one chick from the Harry Potter movies taking in a Rangers game at Madison Square Garden, which isn’t really a garden at all. It’s a building. What’s up with that? Anyway, Emma Watson and her man, Spanish actor/musician Rafael Cebrian. He’s probably like, “Ven doo vee stab zee bull?” Because he’s from another country and stuff. And apparently has a thing for underdeveloped women. But he probably had a better time with her than his last date, Haley Joel Osment. –Big League Screw.

Alright, so since none of you buckets of chum know who Bernard Madoff is, he was basically the biggest high-brow scam artist on Wall Street, taking the money of people who thought they were buying into a hedge fund that, in reality, never existed. And now Donald Trump, who considers anyone else’s failures as a personal victory, is spouting off about how stupid the victims were.

Great, the last thing we need is a bunch of greedy white people to serve other greedy white people as caddies. That’s almost as greedy a me trying to pass this off as a golf post. But when this post dies a horrible death, I…will receive…total consciousness. So I got that going for me, which is nice.