Thanks for failing me, UPROXX Network. The Bikini Hockey League had a Media Day and nobody got me in. The BIKINI HOCKEY LEAGUE. Not having the NHL is totally fine now that I know that strippers who just heard about a bikini hockey league get to play in a bikini hockey league.

A second, even worse video awaits you after the jump. (via Brobible)

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5 Albums Coming Out This Week That Don’t Suck |UPROXX|

Predicting The 15 Shows That Will Survive The Network TV Season |Warming Glow|

10 incredible high-res, behind-the-scenes Photos from Kill Bill 1 |Film Drunk|

The 2012 ‘Running Of The Wieners’ Is Something That You Should Watch |With Leather|

New Stuff From ‘The Hobbit’ Gives A First Glimpse Of Evangeline Lilly As Tauriel |Gamma Squad|

There Will Be A Worldwide Bacon Shortage Next Year |Smoking Section|

KSK Live Q&A With Prince Amukamara Of The New York Giants |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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We’ve made no secret of our appreciation of pole dancing as a sport in the past, from coverage of international pole dancing competitions to Chicago Bears fan busting their asses to the superstar athletes at Rick’s Cabaret and their appreciation of this site. Unfortunately, as with most exciting fads, it was only a matter of time before pole dancing as a form of exercise was taken too far, and we can thank the free-wheeling party animals of Vancouver for taking something so beautiful and making it so dirty.

The Twisted Grip dance studio on Vancouver Island has become a global laughing stock because of a special pole dancing class that it offers… for children. Gee, how could anyone have a bad opinion about this great idea?

Twisted Grip owner Kristy Craig told QMI Agency she’s shocked by the amount of negative attention the story has received.

“It’s nothing new,” she said, noting pole-dancing competitions are already offered in Russia and the UK “People need to really look into it before jumping to any conclusions about what I’m offering.” (Via Sun News)

Fair enough, I’ll give her that. And besides, the parents have to make the actual decision to sign their daughters up for this class, so it’s really on them to change the negative perception.

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That ain't rain, it's a sploosh tsunami.

The New York Jets are 0-2 in the 2012 NFL Preseason thus far, and quarterback Mark Sanchez is a combined 13/17 for 80 yards, 0 TD and 1 INT in those two games. At the same time, the Jets’ backup QB and fan favorite Tim Tebow is a combined 9/22 for 96 yards, 0 TD and 1 INT. Needless to say, this is not a good sign for the Jets. But it’s not time to panic yet, because it’s just the preseason, after all, and besides, it’s all Wayne Hunter’s fault.

When it comes to Tebow’s actual on-field performances, though, nobody seems to care. Well, Boomer Esiason does, but that’s about it. After all, today’s hottest news about Tebow is that he was the only Jets QB to throw a football 25 yards into a trash can after 11 or so attempts (bonus pic at KSK), and South Carolina approved the Tebow Law, which allows home-schooled teenagers to play high school football.

And then there’s the New York Times, which is “reporting” that with preseason under way, the Big Apple’s biggest virgin will finally face his ultimate temptation.

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If you weren’t aware that today is New York Jets backup quarterback Tim Tebow’s birthday, then you probably haven’t turned on a TV or logged into Facebook or Twitter yet. (Side note: If that’s not your morning routine, you’re already my role model.) But yes indeed, friends, today is the day of birth for the Chosen Gun – trying out some new nicknames in case he ever becomes accurate – and we’re certainly not at a shortage of needlessly positive Tebow news or jokes that his birthday is actually December 25.

ESPN’s Sal Paolantonio is already salivating over the prospect of a Tim Tebow Wildcat system, even claiming that Tebow may be the greatest left-handed athlete of all-time. My grandmother always told me that hyperbole is the greatest gift. Meanwhile, Tony Sparano, that architect of all those amazing Miami *fart noise* Dolphins *fart noise* offenses, is keeping almost everything about his Wildcat a secret, because he wants it to take two weeks before defenses start stuffing Shonn Greene for no gain.

But today is about celebration for the world’s beloved Tebow, and I find there’s no better way to honor him than with a special tribute from our dear friends at Rick’s Cabaret in New York City, as they passed along a few special birthday pictures this morning. And to top it all off, I made Tebow a very special With Leather photoshop birthday card.

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"Congrats on that trophy, now get the heck out of my town."

Here’s an abridged version of the NBA offseason to date: The lockout changed nothing, owners didn’t learn, nor did they want to learn, because they’re still giving out awful contracts, and they just wanted to make sure they’d get more back from the league so they’d stop losing money. I think that pretty much sums it up, as the majority of teams’ decisions have been absolutely baffling to this point, including the situation of one Jeremy Shu-How Lin.

The decision could come today or it could be made on Wednesday, but either way, it appears that the New York Knicks are cutting ties with their out-of-nowhere phenom point guard, despite his incredible emergence last season and everything he instantly meant for Knicks fans. Oh, and there’s the matter of his marketability, too. But now it appears that the Knicks will not match the offer sheet that Lin signed with the Houston Rockets for 3-years, $25.1 million. The reason? It’s either because of the luxury tax or that Carmelo Anthony hates Lin. Regardless, Linsanity is probably goin’ to Texas, y’all.

Knicks fans are rightfully upset – and some realize it’s probably for the better – because Lin seemed like the positive alternative to the same old Knicks BS of superstar Anthony’s me-first attitude or signing Jason Kidd’s old balls – with a fresh DWI to add to the fun – so I called upon the greatest, most loyal Knicks fans that I know to tell us how they really feel. Take it away, exotic dancers of Rick’s Cabaret.

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Ladies, ladies, let's not fight over baseball.

Now that the NBA Playoffs are over, we can finally get back to what matters around here most – baseball and partially nude women. Thankfully, today I can bring you a story that involves both of these wonderful things, as our favorite exotic dancers at Rick’s Cabaret in New York City (use your judgment) took a moment to let us know their thoughts on this weekend’s Subway Series, with the red hot first place New York Yankees visiting the also-somewhat-hot second place New York Mets at Shea Citi Field.

I tried to ask the ladies their thoughts in person, but instead of questions like, “What do you think about the pitching matchups?” I just kept giggling like a child.

“We love the baseball guys, especially the Yankees” said Rick’s Cabaret Girl Christina. “I’ve met some of the Yankees here at the club, but I can’t tell you who. We protect everyone’s privacy here at Rick’s, she explained.

Let’s just assume she’s talking about David Aardsma. “Rehabilitation” my ass.

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