If you weren’t aware, MMA fighter Renzo Gracie is a Gracie Barra Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu black belt and a two-time ADCC Submission Wrestling World Championship gold medalist. He is not the guy you want to mug on a Thursday night in New York City.

Unfortunately that’s what happened, allegedly, and Renzo added insult to the injuries you assume he dished out by live-blogging the entire thing on his Twitter account, @Renzo_Gracie_BJJ. I say “allegedly” because the tweets are thorough but don’t provide a lot of context, so depending on your point of view, one of two things happened:

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Stock NASCAR photo.

Greg Biffle hadn’t won a Sprint Cup race in almost two years before he overtook everyone’s least favorite NASCAR driver, Jimmie Johnson, to win the Samsung Mobile 500 yesterday in Ft. Worth, Texas. But in even better news, With Leather’s official favorite driver, Ricky Stenhouse Jr., took his place in Victory Lane on Friday night after he won the Nationwide Series O’Reilly Auto Parts 300. Because we can, we take full credit for his victory.

Even better than all of that wonderful NASCAR news, though, is that self-proclaimed “TV news producer, writer, wife, asshole and owner of 2 dogs” Jenny Johnson Tweeted her experience at the Samsung Mobile 500 from the moment she started driving to Ft. Worth, and the result was pretty funny. That is, if you have a good sense of humor about NASCAR.

I don’t know anything about Johnson, other than pretty much every girl I know follows her on Twitter and they all think she’s a riot. However, I’m sure if you’re a NASCAR purist you won’t take too kindly to her playing off the stereotypes that everyone who goes to races – especially *clap clap clap* deep in the heart of Texas – is a toothless hillbilly redneck. As a NASCAR fan, though, I still get a kick out of the jokes, so let’s not take ourselves too seriously, y’all.

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On Saturday night, while most of the cool kids were out smoking cigarettes in the Taco Bell parking lot, news broke that Penn State coach Joe Paterno had passed away due to complications from lung cancer. Specifically, the first report was published by Onward State, a student newspaper at PSU. The paper claimed that Nittany Lions players received emails informing them that Paterno had passed away, and thus the news was born.

But since nobody outside of Happy Valley is really familiar with Onward State, the news didn’t really get out until CBS Sports picked up the story and ran with it. That’s when all Twitter hell broke loose. You see, as it turned out, Paterno wasn’t dead on Saturday night. As we know, he passed away on Sunday morning. But almost immediately after the CBS story hit and then other major media outlets began picking it up, Paterno’s family came forward and said that JoePa wasn’t dead.

Whoops.

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"Who you tryin' to get crazy with, Twitter? Don't you know I'm loco?"

There was already a week’s worth of backlash in the media over David Stern* blocking the trade between the New Orleans Hornets and the Los Angeles Lakers that would have teamed Chris Paul with Kobe Bryant by the time that the league announced that Paul had instead been traded to the L.A. Clippers. But yesterday began the entertaining backlash that I had been waiting for, as Lakers fans started their campaign of “Stern hates us, we got screwed.” It’s adorable, really, watching so many people hilariously ignore why Pau Gasol is even a Laker in the first place.

Then last night someone on my Twitter feed retweeted Ice Cube echoing that sentiment, that the Lakers have been screwed because Stern wouldn’t allow the Lakers to get Paul for dirt cheap while making the Houston Rockets do all the heavy lifting. While Cube failed to mention that the Clippers gave up a wealth of talent in Eric Gordon and one of the most valuable 2012 draft picks (Minnesota’s), he did continue on with a rant about how the Lakers own the Clippers and Kobe and Co. will still win another title this year.

You can read his Twitter rant after the jump, and I took the liberty of incorporating his Tweets with my favorite Ice Cube photos. Very funny.

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Arizona Cardinals defensive lineman Darnell Dockett is the reason why the @Storytime series exists. It began with him live-blogging a run-in with police and has featured his in-depth thoughts on the Casey Anthony murder trial with only enough time to buy an alligator between.

Lucky for us, Dockett continues to find himself in Tweetable situations — this time he accidentally brought a gun to a Cardinals practice facility in Arizona, realized his mistake, tweeted about it, and got upset when more than one person said “why are you carrying a gun everywhere”. He compares himself to Sean Taylor, explicitly explains which guns his has and where he keeps them, and the story ends with him vowing to protect his family by buying … well, I don’t want to ruin it for you.

Please enjoy our continuing journey through the mind of an extremely sane man with @Storytime, after the jump.

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Yesterday, when I suggested that Orlando Magic guard Gilbert Arenas should or at least could become the face of the NBA players’ resistance to the accusations that they’re to blame for the terrible contracts the owners gave them, I really wanted to throw together a sampler of his ridiculously stupid, T-shirt Hell-esque Twitter avatars that usually feature corny phrases like “Let’s play GI Joe – I’ll lay down and you blow the hell out of me.” But when I checked Arenas’ Twitter, something was awry.

For some reason, Arenas had deleted all of his Tweets, and it may or may not have had something to do with a little feud he had with stand-up comic Joe Mande yesterday. On his blog, Mande actually featured a collection of Arenas’ Twitter avatars, along with a pretty harsh takedown of the 29-year old guard and his suddenly disappearing Twitter.

My guess is, Gilbert got a call from his agent sometime this weekend, who said, “Hey Gil, would you mind deleting that tweet you wrote about how you kick women out of your bed when you’re done having sex with them? And the other one about how you want those women to drive themselves home after you’re done having sex with them, even if they might be drunk, because you’re too busy sleeping alone in your king size bed? Oh, and also the one about the box of stolen female toiletries you keep in your bathroom? Actually… just delete all the tweets you’ve ever written ever. Is that cool? Thanks, buddy.”

Mande also points out the obvious, that Arenas was suspended for a season for having guns in his Washington Wizards locker room. For good measure, I’ll add that Arenas may be the only player I can think of to have been served child support papers during a game. But that doesn’t seem to stop Arenas from treating Twitter like his own Adult Friend Finder.

Someone brought Mande’s essay on Arenas’ immaturity to Agent Zero’s attention and it resulted in a fun little feud between the guy who charges $5 to perform as a standup comedian and the guy who gets paid $20 million per season to pretend to be a comedian. Ultimately, Arenas quit Twitter. Again. I miss him already.

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