Wait, am I doing this right?

All right, I promised that I was going to stop writing about controversial topics or inciting passionate debate, but I have to get this off my chest. My rankings of the best major fast food pizza chains are as follows:

1) Little Caesars
2) Papa John’s
3) Hungry Howie’s
4) Pizza Hut
5) Domino’s Pizza

There. That feels better. Now, please keep in mind that I don’t eat any from any of these companies that often, as I prefer to eat local and fresh. I’ve also seen what happens behind the scenes in random stores of some of those companies, and let’s just say it was boogerific.

I have a soft spot for Little Caesars, though, because their $5 Hot N Ready pepperoni pizzas got me through some tough times in college, and every once in a while I think about trying to house one of them for old time’s sake. Then I check my latest cholesterol count and I cry into a bowl of celery.

In conclusion, hooray bowl games!

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“Rapping Jerry Jones” in all caps was almost this entire post.

In the world of sports on the Internet, Jimmy Traina giveth, and Jimmy Traina taketh away. Sometimes he’ll tweet, “hey, I stumbled into Kate Upton’s dressing room and took 30,000 pictures, check this out” and links them because he’s him and she’ll be flattered or whatever. Then sometimes he tweets, “here’s Jerry Jones rapping”, and the exact opposite of that Kate dressing room dream happens.

But yeah, here’s Jerry Jones rapping. Apparently somebody at Papa John’s decided the way to get me to order their garbage pizza was to have a sexagenarian in the Buffalo Stance. It’s worth watching just to say you’ve seen it (and I’m shocked I haven’t seen it on TV down here yet), but it’s also worth watching for that two second clip of Jones remix jumping or whatever like he’s in a f**king 90s toy commercial.

Check it out below.

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In case you missed the tedious controversy during the Wizards-Cavs series that didn't involve Jay-Z and Soulja Boy, Papa Johns stuck their logo on the white tees Wizards fans wore during Game 6 which bore the number 23 and the word "Crybaby" where Bron-Bron's name would be on the back. Many Ohioans stopped eating cheese off discarded pizza boxes long enough to get angry. To atone, Papa Johns issued a mea culpa, which further confused Ohioans, because they don't know even common Latin phrases.

To apologize, Papa John's will sell Cleveland residents a large, one-topping pizza for 23 cents on Thursday. The 23 is an homage to James' jersey number. The company also will donate $10,000 to the Cavaliers Youth Fund.

Who wins the most out of this? Kids in Cleveland, of course. For generations, they've only been sent to school long enough to redeem their personal pan pizza for finishing their reading for the week. Of course, the kids didn't actually read and their parents didn't share the pizza with the kids. But it was a brief, albeit depressing taste of the good life. Now, if only Clevelanders had 23 cents. Of course, Quicken Loans! That arena naming deal is already paying off.