HATE TO SEE HER GO, BUT…

Written by Christmas Ape / 08.29.08

U.S. Open - Sexy, sexy top-seeded Ana Ivanovic was ousted in the first round of the U.S. Open by some unattractive nobody, depriving us of several opportunities to post alluring photos of her while feigning an interest in tennis. So we make hay while the sun shines.

College Football – The Ol’ Ball Coach and the Gamecocks got a few late scores after quarterback Tommy Beecher threw four picks and got yanked in favor of Chris Smelley, who capped a 34-0 stomping of N.C. State… No. 23 Wake Forest got its first win ever in the state of Texas and in blowout fashion led by Riley Skinner’s 22-of-30 passing for 220 yards and two scores…The U opened its new digs with a 52-7 reaming of Charleston Southern, the only mishap being the giant inflatable helmet the team runs through not being pumped up. Hey, it was either that or lose the sex dolls.

MLB – Jason Giambi served as the best mustachioed Italian hero since the last Mario game with three RBIs, including a walkoff single to stave off a Red Sox sweep in the Bronx… Aramis Ramirez lifts the Cubs over the Phillies with an 8th inning grand slam as Philly’s bullpen blows anotherK-Rod pulls within six of Bobby Thigpen’s save record and the Angels knock their magic number to 13. Lot of suspense in that division.

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Marvin Lewis is a Dick

Written by Matt / 10.23.06

Bengals coach Marvin Lewis is apparently more concerned with his team's performance than our entertainment. Chad Johnson, speaking after yesterday's exhilarating 17-14 win over Carolina in which his diving catch on a ballsy (stupid?) 4th-and-1 call was a key play, noted that the coach's existing gag order now extends to Johnson's celebrations on the field: 

"What you see from me is what [Lewis] wants – just make your plays and go back to the huddle. So that's what I'm going to do. Going to be no more talking, no nothing. Just go out there and play, go home. If that's what it takes to make us a better team, so be it.'' 

Asked if that means no more touchdown celebrations, Johnson nodded.

"Very lame, isn't it?'' he said.

Fuck yes it's lame. Gee, great work on getting Chad to settle down, Coach. But don't you think the Bengals are a little too disciplined? C'mon, let your players go out and have some fun.

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