"I am ze true keeng!"

As we were watching UFC 154 on Saturday night, making hilarious quips and cyber high-fiving because we’re all awesome bros and babes, there was some excitement and chatter about something that wasn’t happening in the ring and in no way related to Brittney Palmer’s body. UFC middleweight champion Anderson Silva and former light heavyweight champion Lyoto Machida were on hand to watch the highly-anticipated and much-celebrated return of welterweight champion Georges St-Pierre. Silva’s presence of course begged the question: “Yo, is he gonna challenge GSP?”

And the answer, as we all learned, was “Nah”. It turns out that Silva and Machida were in Canada to film a movie with Steven Seagal, which sounds horribly awesome and I can’t wait to see it when it goes straight to Laser Disc, which Seagal invented, by the way. But don’t let that discourage you from thinking that Silva vs. St-Pierre will happen, because Silva is at least saying all the right things.

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Randy Couture hasn’t fought since he announced his retirement before losing to Lyoto Machida in the second round at UFC 129 in April 2011, but he’s done just fine since that sad day. For instance, did you know that Couture’s latest film, The Expendables 2, opens nationwide today? Some critics *points to self* are already calling it the greatest sequel in the history of motion pictures, and the only reason it’s not the best film ever is because it’s impossible to be better than The Expendables. But that’s a different story for a different day (that day being Monday when it is announced that Expendables 2 has already grossed $6 trillion billion zillion).

Now as Couture is out promoting the greatest sequel ever made, of course the question will be asked – will you ever fight again? And that’s a very stupid question, because of course the answer is no. Wait, what? The answer is yes?

“No, I think everything I set out to do, I managed to pull off, and it has been an amazing journey for 15 years,” Couture said when speaking to G4TV’s Attack of the Show on Wednesday.

“Not unless (Steven) Seagal wants to sign up,” Couture answered with a smile and a laugh. (Via MMA Weekly)

A lot of people think that the laugh implies that he was joking, that he wouldn’t actually fight Seagal. But I need to remind those people that it was Seagal that claimed to have taught Machida the front jump kick that ended Couture’s career, so maybe Couture secretly harbors a desire to get revenge on the greatest sensei in the history of mixed martial arts – you know, according to Seagal.

Then again, it’s not like there’s legitimate bad blood between Couture and Seagal, as if Seagal called him “a flaming tickle twat with the fists of 1,000 little girls”. Unless that would make Couture actually want to fight him, in which case I totally heard Seagal say that, bro.

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Back in 2010, Anderson Silva and Chael Sonnen faced off for the first time at UFC 117 in what was already a controversial fight. UFC President Dana White famously declared that if Silva fought against Sonnen like he did in his previous fight, he would expel him from UFC, middle heavyweight champion or not. In their fight, Sonnen dominated Silva for the first four rounds, before Silva flipped the script and caught him in a triangle arm bar to force the submission.

Soon after, it was revealed that Sonnen had tested positive for elevated testosterone, so White suspended him for a year. Since then, Silva has been quite clear about how he plans to approach this fight. And Silva’s “mentor” Steven Seagal believes that this fight won’t even be close.

Meanwhile, Tito Ortiz has the chance to retire (sort of) on top, as he and Forrest Griffin will finally close the book on their rivalry. Ortiz defeated Griffin at UFC 59 in 2006 and Griffin took the victory at UFC 106 in 2009. The last time Ortiz won was one year ago at UFC 132, making him a depressing 1-6-1 in his last 8 fights. Fingers crossed for a storybook ending for the guy who made an honest duck woman out of Jenna Jameson.

Join us tomorrow night at 8 PM ET for the preliminary fights on FX, and at 10 PM ET for the pay-per-view event. Share this discussion with your senseis and pupils on Facebook and Twitter tomorrow night, and unlock the mystical Steven Seagal “TEACHER” badge.

If Anderson Silva finally getting mad and threatening to break every bone and tooth in Chael Sonnen’s body didn’t get you excited for Silva vs. Sonnen II at UFC 148 next month, maybe THE SILVER SPIDER VS. THE AMERICAN GANGSTA will.

That’s the comic series UFC is using to promote their next event, with a new panel showing up every day on Facebook. If you’re like most people your first reaction will be, “why didn’t they call him the ‘Silva’ spider and put the hard ER on the end of ‘gansta’? Would Chael Sonnen call himself a ‘gangsta’?” Your second reaction will be to scroll down a little and laugh out loud at Steven Seagal’s cameo.

They’re updating the comic every day until July 7, so check out what we’ve got so far. Keeping my fingers crossed for a Booster Gold crossover at some point.

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“In the future, we should each get a beer.”
“Bitch, you don’t have a future.”

(h/t to Lobster Mobster)

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Links

‘SNL’ Recap: Say Goodbye to Kristen Wiig, Say Hello to Mick Jagger |Warming Glow|

With Spandex Episode 3: Icarus |With Leather|

The 39 Headlines You Need to Become a Successful Video Game Blogger |Gamma Squad|

Emma Stone Is Adorable At Everything |Film Drunk|

Meme Watch: Douchebag Guitarist Is Ready To Tear Up Guitar Center With Some Stairway |UPROXX|

The Art Of Sequencing By Alicia Keys |Smoking Section|

No One Told Community Showrunner Dan Harmon He Was Being Canned, Says Dan Harmon |UPROXX|

Sorry Ladies, Mark Zuckerberg Is Now A Married Man |UPROXX|

Reporter Kisses Will Smith, Will Smith Slaps Reporter |Smoking Section|

This Arnold Schwarzenegger Remix Is The Best Thing You’ll Listen To Today |Film Drunk|

The St. Louis Cardinals Have Incredible Fashion Sense |With Leather|

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"I'm going to Legoland!"

In case you missed it on Saturday, we had a few friends over for the UFC 145 Pay-Per-View, including UFC.com writer, blogger and fighter “Danny Boy” Downes and FilmDrunk daddy and MMA aficionado Vince “Spicy Meat-a-ball” Mancini. Of course we thank them for their time and contributions, as well as you commenters for making that one of the more enjoyable UFC pay-per-views in recent memory, so you can expect that we’ll be doing this – or something similar – again. As for the fights, here are the official results that caused so many of you to shake your meat hooks in rage:

Marcus Brimage d. Maximo Blanco – Split decision (28-29, 29-28, 30-27)
Chris Clements d. Keith Wisniewski – Split decision (28-29, 29-28, 30-27)
Mac Danzig d. Efrain Escudero – Unanimous decision (30-27, 29-28, 30-27)
Anthony Njokuani d. John Makdessi – Unanimous decision (30-27, 30-27, 30-27)
Matt Brown d. Stephen Thompson – Unanimous decision (30-27, 29-28, 30-27)
Travis Browne d. Chad Griggs – Submission
Eddie Yagin d. Mark Hominick – Split decision (29-28, 28-29, 29-28)
Michael McDonald d. Miguel Torres – KO (punches)
Ben Rothwell d. Brendan Schab – KO
Rory MacDonald d. Che Mills – TKO
Jon Jones d. Rashad Evans – Unanimous decision (49-46, 49-46, 50-45)

Of course, I was more pleased that Vince brought up Cecil Peoples – one of the most notoriously criticized officials in MMA history – and someone mentioned the Cecil Peoples action figure, because I had all but forgotten about a series of fake UFC toys created by a Sherdog forum user named Masato a few years ago.

They’re always worth sharing because the Steven Seagal action figure with its guitar/assault rifle should be real, dammit.

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