Alex Rodriguez has found himself at the center of another steroids scandal, which is something I wouldn’t give a single horseback-riding sh-t about under normal circumstances. But Outside the Lines released a report based on their investigation into the South Florida doping operation run by Anthony Bosch, and it will surprise you exactly zero percent to find out that A-Rod required special treatment even while using PEDs.

The texts, the source said, usually came late at night, telling Anthony Bosch to come to the house. Bosch would then head to the waterfront mansion on Biscayne Bay, through the gate on North Bay Road, to inject performance-enhancing drugs into Alex Rodriguez.

Procedures were different, though, sources told “Outside the Lines,” for the other athletes who were customers of Bosch’s Biogenesis of America clinic in Coral Gables, which Major League Baseball considers the center of a widespread doping operation in South Florida. Those athletes, sources said, relied on intermediaries to transport the performance-enhancing drug regimens Bosch provided.

But for A-Rod, the service was always personal: “Only Tony handled A-Rod,” one source told “Outside the Lines.”

Are you like me? Do you really want to see those texts? For some reason, I don’t know exactly why, I feel like Alex Rodriguez’s texts are littered with emoticons. “Come over. Bring steroids :)” “Not now. Neighbor came over to borrow sugar and won’t leave :/” and so on.

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Update: Part 2 is now up. Check it out!

Back in September, we shared A Golden Treasury Of Cheesy Late-80s/Early-90s WWF Promo Photos, a collection of the best photos from pro wrestler 8x10s. If you missed that … yeah, you should click the link.

Anyway, I was never a WWF kid when I was growing up. I was born in southern Virginia and was raised on the National Wrestling Alliance — if you’re a WWF lifer, that means we had Ric Flair when you had Hulk Hogan — and eventually what the NWA became, World Championship Wrestling. You may remember WCW from its sudden, crazy popularity in the late 1990s when Hulk Hogan became a bad guy, Sting became The Crow and WWF put as many curse words and dick jokes on television as they could to combat it. Spoiler: the dick jokes won.

That said, WCW is still my favorite thing, and if I’m going to share the worst of WWF’s promo photos, I might as well dip into the endless well of embarrassment that is the WCW library. What follows is only part one of a series, because holy shit you will not believe some of these pictures.

Enjoy, and show this to everyone you’ve ever known.

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When the people at the Guinness Book of World Records released the 57th edition of the most important book to women with facial hair and men with webbed toes back in September, one man was quite pleased to open the book and see his picture next to the title, “World’s Largest Arms”. That man is Milford, Massachusetts’ own Moustafa Ismail, whose upper arms measure an insane 31-inches around, as Brandon wrote about in September. In fact, his arms are so big that people have taken to call him the Egyptian Popeye. You know, that is if he doesn’t mind.

Alas, all is not well in this Egyptian’s land, because people apparently look at a guy whose arms are the size of a place kicker’s waist and say, “Gee, I think that guy used steroids.” And these accusations weren’t just coming from random people. These were message board commenters that were calling Ismail out for alleged indiscretions, and because people on the Internet are experts at everything, Guinness has stripped Ismail of his title for the time being.

Open your heart to us, Moustafa. Open as wide as your cartoonish arms.

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After a brief hiatus, the Sports On TV column returns with one of the most requested shows ever: Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s 16-season strong cultural landmark, ‘South Park’.

‘South Park’ has been around since 1997, and has changed along with the times. When it started, Parker and Stone were getting $1,200 to make video Christmas cards for Fox executives. In 2012, they are influential, Tony Award-winning, multi-millionaire media moguls. One thing hasn’t changed: in season one, Kenny was getting ripped apart by football players. In season 16, Tom Brady is guzzling a Gatorade bottle of a child’s semen. Sports are one of the weirdest, stupidest, most ritualistic and overly-glorififed things human beings can do, and ‘South Park’ has been in tune with that since the very beginning.

So, in the Interest of easing us back into regular Thursday columns, here are my choices for the 20 greatest South Park sports moments. Like a lot of the shows we do, there are a ton of moments we had to leave out, so a part 2 will probably happen. If we left out your favorite moment, or you have something to say about a moment we chose, be sure to drop down into our comments section and let us know.

As an added bonus, participating in the discussion and sharing the column on Twitter or Facebook (courtesy of one of those handy buttons at the bottom of the post) will net you the BAT DAD BADGE. You don’t want the Bat Dad Badge? I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA.

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In case you haven’t been paying attention, it’s been a rather rough month for 7-time Tour de France champion first guy to finish, Lance Armstrong, as the International Cycling Union has basically demonized the poor bastard and forever branded him a cheater. Armstrong, of course, “gave up” his fight against the UCI and U.S. Anti-Doping Agency after a supposed wealth of evidence exposed him for using performance-enhancing drugs during his career as the greatest American cyclist to ever squeeze his balls into skin-tight shorts.

Now, Armstrong is officially walking away from the one organization that has been his saving grace to the people who still call themselves fans – Livestrong. After stepping down as the cancer philanthropy’s chairman, Armstrong has now entirely resigned from the board in order to save it from any further embarrassment. But don’t worry, he is gone but unforgotten.

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Inside his notebook? BBQ recipes and smut.

Back in 2008, former Boston Red Sox, Toronto Blue Jays, Houston Astros and New York Yankees pitcher Roger Clemens might have lied to a U.S. House Committee when precious time and taxpayer money was used to determine whether or not the Rocket used steroids and human growth hormones during his Major League Baseball career. Because if there’s one thing the people of this fine country care about in an election year, it’s the sanctity of a sport.

Now, Clemens’ perjury and obstruction of justice trial is underway, as the third day of jury selection has begun. In 2008, Clemens and his lawyer, Rusty Hardin, faced off against two attorneys. This time – in a trial to determine whether or not a guy lied – they’ll face 5 lawyers. So take a wild guess what that means.

The mind-numbing task of choosing a jury for Clemens’ retrial has gone on for two days and might not be done by the end of the week.

“Things aren’t going as fast as I thought,” said U.S. District Judge Reggie Walton.

The only quick rounds Tuesday were the 11 jurors who were excused for one reason or another — including some who said religious prohibitions against judging others would prevent them from serving. (Via the Seattle Post Intelligencer)

Now I’m no big city slicker legal lawyer type or nothin’, but I have been known to pay my taxes on occasion and I, for one, am not only glad that our government is taking down such a heinous Bond villain like Clemens, whose evil plan to throw broken bats at innocent people all over the world threatens justice and civility for all, but that they’re going to spend a sh*t ton of money in doing so.

It will all be worth it when the conviction of Clemens ends poverty and hunger in America and restores our education system to No. 1 in the world.