Update: Here’s the Sickpigs conception of A-Rod today — NSFW
If you’re going to sell a book about anyone in sports, it’s imperative that you make that person look like a total asshole. Selena Roberts has taken her cue with the inclusion of new allegations in her soon-to-be-released book about Yankees slugger Alex Rodriguez. I’d give you the title of it, but if it was written by a woman, it’s probably not any good anyway. From the NY Daily News (via Yankees Daily):
A former high school teammate told Roberts the future No.1 MLB draft pick was on steroids and his coach knew it. Another student said the son of coach Rich Hofman admitted he saw Rodriguez use steroids.
Hofman said it was news to him. “Whatever he was doing, he was doing it somewhere else,” he said.
In one shocking disclosure, the book accuses A-Rod of “pitch tipping” when he was with the Rangers - letting a friendly opponent at the plate know which pitch was coming in lopsided games. Rodriguez expected players he helped would do the same for him when he was having an off night and needed to get his batting average up and it wouldn’t affect the outcome of the game.
The pitch-tipping thing blows me away–but who were these “friendly opponents,” anyway? Why out A-Rod and A-Rod alone? It’s accusations like this that make “investigations” in baseball seem like smear campaigns, passed off as cautionary “think of the children” rhetoric that makes everyone think that The Evil Steroid Era In Baseball is coming to an end. Please.
Oh, and Roberts also says A-Rod got gynecomastia in 2005 and everyone started calling him “Bitch Tits.” That’s the kind of baseless defamation I can get behind.
Not pictured: Hank’s rowdy friends
The Titans beat the Colts 31-21 on Monday Night Football to remain the NFL’s only undefeated team. And it’s a testament to the Titans’ outstanding defense and mind-numbingly dull offense that I watched almost the entire game but have nothing to say about it a day later.
The game was close until — following two fourth-and-short stops by the TItans’ D — the heavy, blunt object of the Titans offense finally wore down the Colts with a seven-minute drive capped by a LenDale White touchdown that gave Tennessee a two-score lead. White finished with a Bettis-esque two touchdowns on ten carries for 13 yards.
Barring some miraculous twist of fortune, the victory essentially seals the AFC South for the Titans, while the Colts — division winners the last five years — are left scrambling for a playoff spot, with archnemesis New England visiting them on Sunday night. Is it possible that Peyton Manning will miss the playoffs while younger brother Eli returns to them to defend his Super Bowl championship? Wow. Eli might win his father’s love yet!
This is the first time I’ve seen this Peyton Manning skit, so it’s new to me. But then again, I hate SNL almost as much as personal hygiene and spending time with my family, but we haven’t seen any Peyton Manning videos in a while, so there.
I don’t think Peyton Manning really likes meatloaf. Unless it’s meatloaf in the ass. And by meatloaf, I mean…you see where I’m going with that.
Former American sprinter and third-tier piece of Olympic ass Marion Jones was released from federal custody this morning, which is fortunate, because the Prison Olympics just ended. From Y! Sports:
Jones left a halfway house in San Antonio around 8 a.m., said LaTanya Robinson, a community corrections manager for the federal Bureau of Prisons. Jones, who has a house in Austin, will remain on probation.
…The sprinter admitted last October that she used a designer steroid known as “the clear” from September 2000 to July 2001. The drug was linked to the Bay Area Laboratory Co-Operative, the lab that became the center of a steroids scandal that touched numerous professional athletes, including baseball star Barry Bonds.
I don’t have a problem with steroids in any sport. These are world-class athletes that are sacrificing more of their time and livelihood than any weekend warrior ever would. What I do have a problem with is that wayward snaggletooth Marion has. Damn, girl! Get some braces on that grill!
With the U.S. Open underway and the NFL season about to start, now would be the obvious time for Oreo to revive the Double Stuf Racing League promo with a matchup of the Williams sisters versus the Manning brothers. Should be a close battle. Serena's been training all her life to eat Double Stufs competitively, but I wouldn't doubt that the Mannings could lick the chrome off a trailer hitch.
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Remember that commercial that aired during the NFL Playoffs with Peyton and Eli Manning in a competitive Oreo licking league? And it was so overwhelmingly and unabashedly gay you sliced off your penis and buried it in the backyard so they couldn't get to it? Well, good thing, because the Mannings are actually doing it for serious.
PEYTON AND Eli Manning have won Super Bowls, but how quickly can the quarterbacks lick the icing from a Double Stuf Oreo?
Roxborough's George Stolzer, 63, a retired firefighter, and his son, Christopher, 36, of Honey Brook, a shipping manager at UMAC, will find out on July 10 as they battle the Mannings in hopes of winning $10,000 in the Oreo Double Stuf Racing League "Lick Race" in New Orleans.
Ah, the implied brotherly incest between the Mannings wasn't quite transgressive enough, so they gotta bring in a father-son combo to face them. I'm guessing the final of this league, climax if you will, is going to be little more than a remake of Caligula. Cooper Manning can play the horse.
