Stephon Marbury should give up trying to catch on with an NBA team, and that’s not because he has any sort of future as the next Wayne Brady (or even the next lonelygirl15), but because nobody will touch him after this video finishes making the rounds of NBA front offices. Even Brendan Heywood has gone on record and said that he wouldn’t want to share a locker room with Marbury. A gas station stall or a patch of grass behind a highway rest stop, sure, but not an NBA locker room. It’s called the “down low” for a reason, yo. Thanks, Michael, who’s totally not gay.
Here’s the NBA’s Stephon Marbury in what has to be the first document instance of Whiteface comedy. I’m guessing that’s Michael Jackson blaring in the background, but it’s so hard to tell; Marbury’s dancing is actually louder than the music. Still needs more jokes about airline food and maybe something about what a nag his wife can be. And you know, more white jokes. Those crazy crackers! And apparently this is almost a week old. The clip, not the racism.
Perhaps the the big Holy Shiitake Mushrooms moment of the sports weekend was free agent point guard Stephon Marbury opening up his own channel, streaming video of himself through a webcam for the better part of last weekend. It has either been the best piece of performance art from a “current” NBA player, or the worst reality show ever. Yes, even worse than TO’s.
Yesterday he was shirtless and screaming at the viewers. At one point my wife was scared at what I was watching on my screen — literally Marbury frightened her with the sound on mute. With it turned up, you realized that after a weekend of doing this his voice was so hoarse you could barely understand his ramblings. Is this the future of celebrity? Please say it’s not. via.
But Starbury TV is already losing steam, as you can see from the video above, he’s kinda tired. And so are we. But there’s something nice about having an NBA player at one’s virtual beck and call. It beats being ignored for autographs or paying to watch him shoot 43 percent from the field.
So, this kind of makes my day. A guy saw Stephon Marbury sitting at a bus stop in L.A., and he did the first thing that came to mind: he asked him to do some improv scenes with him. As he wrote to SLAM Online:
i was driving home… and i spot stephon marbury sitting at the bus stop talking into his blackberry half a mile from my house. confused as to why starbury would be riding the bus - had the economy really bitten him that badly?
i grabbed my camera and hustled back to where i saw him - turns out he was waiting on his car to be fixed at a shop right behind him - and asked him if he’d shoot some improv stuff with me at the bus stop. i was a little surprised he said yes but he did and we rolled.
Episodes 1 and 2 of “Me & Stephon” are below. I know Marbury is insane and destroys every team he joins, but it’s hard not to like him here. He really comes off as a regular guy. Just an average Joe who might nail an intern in his truck, you know?
Stephon Marbury, banned from the Knicks after his initial benching and subsequent refusal to play for the team, has temporarily relocated to Los Angeles, where last night he watched the Knicks lose to the illness-plagued Lakers (recap here) — as a paying fan with courtside tickets. From the New York Post:
“I’m not worried about [where I'll play next],” Marbury said. “All I got to do is get free. Once I get free, the team I’m going to go to a lot of people will be shocked. All the people who say nobody wants me on their team, I’m all different things, a cancer, that’s not what’s going on.”
Not to nit-pick, but that IS what’s going on. Like, exactly what’s going on. Marbury is the opposite of correct.
Asked why he attended, Marbury said, “I just wanted to see the game. I miss it a lot. It’s the closest I can get to the game right now.”
Awww, poor guy. He misses the game. Why, if you gave him the choice of playing for free or sabotaging the team and refusing to play while continuing to collect a paycheck, he’d… uh, go with sabotage. Definitely sabotage.
Stephon Marbury, the frighteningly imbalanced Knicks point guard who flashes occasional moments of poignancy, watched the third and final debate between Senators John McCain and Barack Obama with some friends at a homeless shelter. Homeless friends. That he met at a pizza parlor. Of course.
At one point, when the debate turned to the economy, Marbury snorted. “Middle class? We don’t have a middle class anymore.” As the millionaire said those words, the homeless agreed…
[Some] gave him career advice. “Hey, you know, I see you doing good in the sixth-man role,” one resident offered. “It’s just a game,” Marbury answered, pointing at the screen. “There’s more to life.”
This is both impressive and scary. I’ve frequently walked past that particular shelter on the Bowery, and I’d rather spend another night on the streets of Baghdad than one outside that building. Those people aren’t the fake-ass “homeless” people who panhandle, they’re legitimately terrifying derelicts, many of whom have ended up homeless because they have such debilitating mental illnesses.
Which probably explains why Starbury felt so comfortable.
[FanHaus]
