Links

‘There is No Bigatory in Juggaloism’: Pictures & Quotes from American Juggalo - Juggalos should be a reminder to white people that they should 1) not smoke, 2) lead a healthy lifestyle, 3) not take advantage of poor women with no self-esteem. [Film Drunk]

Colbert Had Hipster Paramedics Standing By ‘In The Event Any Radiohead Heads Totally Lose Their Sh*t’ - There is a dangerous use of the word “hipster” in today’s Morning Links. Do hipsters like Radiohead? More importantly, do hipsters like things? [UPROXX]

5 Best Uses of Radiohead in Film - Sadly “that scene I wrote in my book so that I could use ‘Street Spirit’ in the movie adaptation” is not on the list. Scott Tenorman is still the best use of Radiohead in something, including Radiohead concerts. [Moviefone]

ACW Evolution Of The Revolutinon V - I missed Anarchy Championship Wrestling’s last show when I was in Los Angeles, but Dirty Dirty Sheets recaps it and makes me feel like I was there. Fans are being encouraged to wear HALLOWEEN COSTUMES to their next show, so if you live anywhere near central Texas, holy sh*t, be there. [Dirty Dirty Sheets]

WTF, Japan? - Japanese people reenact the opening scenes of the Pokémon game using bad costumes, bad editing and buckets of water. Charizard Guy is the saddest. [Gamma Squad]

God Smites Earth with Nancy Grace Nip Slip - Dowdy, thick middle-aged conservative nutcases #cangetit [Warming Glow]

Top 10 Pictures Of Justin Bieber Looking Like A Hipster Douche - Again, I don’t think Bieber looks like a hipster douche, I just think he looks like an idiot. He’s also the reason why every child dresses and acts like this now, so he’s not “hipster”, he’s totally and completely the social norm. [Buzzfeed]

‘Drive’ Set to Sh*tty Music - Funnier than it should be. The only thing it needs is a record scratch. [Film Drunk]

Irish Farmer Shocked by Rihanna’s Toplessness - I feel like Rihanna needs to spend more time with actual human beings. Like, take a year or two off, go work at a soup kitchen. And stop trying to finger yourself through your clothes. [FARK]

Is ‘The Playboy Club’ or ‘Pan Am’ More Accurate? - No. [AOL TV]

Ice Cream Shop Mascot Repeatedly Mistaken for KKK Member - I need to get a picture with this guy. I already have pictures with KKK members, it’s called my family photo album. [The Daily What]

How to Make Your Own Chewbacca Suit - 1) Kill as many dogs as possible, 2) lay down a sheet of glue, 3) roll around. [Unreality]

Links

25 Idiots Who Blamed Hurricane Irene on Gay Marriage - The only gay person responsible for a hurricane is Pat Patterson. Hopefully one day we’ll decide that disasters are caused by things that happen, not things we hate. [Buzzfeed]

Supercut: Stephen Colbert Dancing - Something to make you feel better on a Monday morning. Considerably better dancing than hurricane-causing Ellen. [Warming Glow]

31 Movie Teens You Wish You’d Actually Gone to High School With - Lauren Ambrose circa Can’t Hardly Wait. Next. [FARK]

A Compendium of Cool Comics Cosplay - This week’s gallery is especially strong, thanks to appearances from Arcade AND Forbush Man. Cosplay is awesome when you do it right. [Gamma Squad]

Lil Wayne Takes a Shot at Jay-Z - Jay-Z is gonna be mad when he finds out Wayne said he never figured out how to love, thanks to all those crooks who kept trying to steal his heart. [Smoking Section]

6 Reason It’s OK to Like MTV’s Jersey Shore - Reason 1: Snooki did that Oompa Loompa cartwheel back elbow thing at Wrestlemania, and it was better than anyone assumed she could do. Reasons 2-6: unknown. [The Smoking Jacket]

The Venture Bros.’ 9 Most Musical Moments - What’s with everybody who makes good cartoons at Adult Swim deciding they also need to be rock stars? And furthermore, where is the Xavier double album? [Adult Swim]

The Best Fake Fast Food Chains - Does Arby’s count? [UGO]

The 10 Best Musical Performances of Late Night with Jimmy Fallon - I honestly believe that Jimmy Fallon as Neil Young is a better musical act than most of the musical acts. Although I really like Neil Young. [Pajiba]

A Virtual Tour of Curb Your Enthusiasm Locations - Not exactly the world of the Na’vi, but still worth a look. Every location is better if you bring along an orchestra to play Wagner. [AOL TV]

Sara Jean Underwood Cosplays at Anime Expo - Seriously, why isn’t Morgan Webb doing things in her underwear anymore? Did she turn 30 and get Logan’s Run’d? I AM TIRED OF COMPLAINING ABOUT THIS. [G4TV]

The Terrific Adventures of White Mike Vick - Possibly our best feature from last week, read Burnsy’s hilarious work while I spend 20 minutes a day filtering out all the hateful comments both for and against. [With Leather]

So, it was pretty sad to see New York Jets Coach Rex Ryan, a guy with a reputation for being a boisterous loudmouth, “EHH HYAH HA HA” and dead smile his way through an interview on “The Colbert Report.” He couldn’t handle the joke questions and didn’t seem to know how to answer the real ones, responding to “what’s the difference in a player who plays like he means it and one who doesn’t” by covering his face and saying “a player who loses, heh, we don’t want ‘em!” BANTER~!

You can check out the video below, if you can make it through six minutes of a comedy sports interview without either guy wearing a wacky sailor suit. You can tell he had no idea who Colbert was before he sat down. Like, he went to his PR guy and was all, “Colbert Report? That anything like Mike & Mike in the Morning?” and his PR guy was all, “yeah sort of, except he’s trying to be funny.”

You know he didn’t write that book. I’d be surprised if he knew he was on to promote a book with his name on it.

I tend to stay away from the will-he-won’t-he clusterf**k that is a Brett Favre story in August, but this is just way too delicious to pass up. Sir Dr. Stephen Colbert, D.F.A, red-blooded American sports fan that he is, has had it just about up to here (/points to groin) with the shenanigans of he who stars in Peter King’s wet dreams. That’s why, when Favre said he would be retiring on August 3rd, Colbert made a very strong argument for why things should should stay that way.

Since everyone has become so serious about the return of Brett Favre with endless speculation and analysis, it is always welcome when someone can find the humor in all of this.

And who better than Comedy Central’s Stephen Colbert, who in an earlier show threatened to wound the quarterback if he ever returned. –USA Today

I realize that Stephen may be somewhat of a polarizing figure politically. That being said, I’m sure we can all agree that, regardless of political beliefs, we have common enemies: hipsters, Al-Qaeda, and Brett Favre. Video magic comes after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

Shani Davis won a gold medal at the 2006 Olympics in Turin. And apparently he’s had it up to here with Stephen Colbert, that one TV guy that offered to raise money for American speedskating leading up to the Vancouver Olympics in February.

“He’s a jerk,” Shani Davis said Thursday when asked for his take on the comedian’s criticism of Canadians. “You can put that in the paper.”

Davis declined to elaborate, making the comment while vetting potential questions from The Canadian Press before rejecting an interview request and walking away. –FOX Sports.

If he keeps this up, they’re gonna stop letting black people into winter sports. Why do you think ice time is so expensive? Oh, because constantly keeping a warehouse at freezing temperatures is so expensive? What’s that? It is expensive? I see…

The United States Speedskating team lost a sizable chunk of its funding when the team’s biggest sponsor, DSB Bank NV, declared bankruptcy last month. But an unlikely hero has stepped up to offer the team its support, and America’s speedskaters will find themselves in Vancouver skating for another nation–Colbert Nation.

“On their enormous, billboard thighs, it will say, ‘Colbert Nation,”‘ Colbert said in an interview before Monday evening’s taping. “Be looking for that logo as it comes around the final turn. It will be easy to see because it will be in first place.”[..]

The show isn’t paying the team any money directly. Instead, Colbert is calling on his fans to donate to the team via www.colbertnation.com and www.usspeedskating.org. In the past, Colbert has had a great deal of success raising money this way. He has raised hundreds of thousands of dollars for the Yellow Ribbon Fund, a charity that assists injured service members and their families. –SI.com.

Even if “The Colbert Report” itself doesn’t give the team a dime, they’re getting tremendous exposure that will bring other potential sponsors to the team and the athletes themselves. And with Apolo Anton Ohno being favored in nearly all of his events, the show should be rewarded as well. Usually both parties don’t stand to benefit like this unless one’s a Japanese businessman and the other’s a blonde prostitute. I think the speedskaters are the prostitute here. They have better legs.