This is just one of them.

Links

15 Alison Brie-Inspired Halloween Costume Ideas - This could be Matt’s finest work to date. I’m covering the 9th Annual Corgi Celebration in Austin for him this weekend, though, so if Alison Brie makes an appearance there, we can do even better. [Warming Glow]

Plots From The Unaired Season 8 of ‘Star Trek: The Next Generation’ Make Hilarious Tweets - They should publish some of the plots I wrote for season 9, wherein Captain Picard and his new best friend Ensign Brandon have to defeat the Romulans, and then Ensign Brandon has to save the ship. [Gamma Squad]

Drake Covers November 2011 Issue Of The Source Magazine, Eats Gold Chain - Then he says “chain” in his normal voice, stops, then says “BALLIN” in a deeper voice, because “ball and chain” and “ballin” are both phrases. [Smoking Section]

Steve Buscemi Has Amassed Quite An Impressive Death Reel - Steve Buscemi has an impressive everything, except face. And one time he made out with hottest possible Thora Birch. [UPROXX]

Kirk Cameron Swears His Birthday Party Was Actually Super Fun And Everyone Came - but now how you’re thinking [Film Drunk]

Hot Chicks with Butthead Gums - All they had to do was use a normal picture of Miley Cyrus, her mouth usually looks like that already. [Buzzfeed]

Adult Swim’s Guide to the Atlanta Zombie Apocalypse - “Kill maybe one zombie a day, spend the rest of your time having relationship issues with your friends and gritting your teeth.” [Adult Swim]

25 Things You May Not Know About ‘Donnie Darko’ - #26: What happened in the movie ‘Donnie Darko’. [Moviefone]

12 Absurd Boxer Shorts That Will Guarantee You Never Seal the Deal With a Woman - If you wear boxer shorts at all (and aren’t like, Rick Ross) you shouldn’t get laid. Boxer briefs are where it’s at, gentlemen. [The Smoking Jacket]

Jeopardy Legend Ken Jennings Is a 99 Percenter - I’m happy to be finally lumped in with this guy about something. [The Daily What]

61-Year-Old Man Steals $130,000 From Employer to Fund His Online Porn Subscriptions - Just like the time I got my ex-girlfriend to get me a trial subscription to Camwhorevids, but on a grander scale. (P.S. I miss you, Mitra) [Brobible]

The Evolution of Cosplay in One Image - What the guy at Unreality know is that the one on the right is supposed to look like that. Also, which one is on the right. [Unreality]

I hear it makes a great chew toy!

Links

Bleacher Creatures: Collect Them All, Put On A Creepy Puppet Show - I’d buy these, but I’m afraid they’ll try to teach me parables about Christianity. Especially the Kurt Warner one. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

The Seven Most Insanely Dangerous Combat Sports Ever Invented - I love the guy in the X-Arm video being all “oh wow a former champion it’s an honor to be working with him” when the work they’re doing is arm wrestling + kicking. [Cage Potato]

These Vintage Mad Men Playboy Covers Are Pretty F-ing Fantastic - Hell’s balls, Trudy! [UPROXX]

‘Playboy Club’ Wins Race to Be First Cancellation of the Season! - Who knew a show about a sex club on network TV wouldn’t do well? Good luck to Amber Heard, who probably already has three failed shows lined up for next year. [Warming Glow]

Star Trek And Star Wars Quiet Books Are Homemade Awesome - These are neat, and legitimately the best thing made with “Star Wars” on it since like 1980. [Gamma Squad]

New York Man Takes Wicker Man Cosplay Too Far - This sounds too much like a plot from ‘The Brady Bunch’. I was hoping this would be about a guy who covered himself with sticks and set himself on fire. [Film Drunk]

Four Loko Folds Under FTC Pressure, Updates Alcohol Content Warning - The new warning reads, “Why are you drinking this? Do you hate yourself?” and possibly “#areyouseriousbro” [Smoking Section]

Chris Christie’s Presidential Announcement (With Fat Cats) - This is the future of news. The next time something like 9/11 happens, we’re gonna have to put up with the rainbow pop tart cat flying around in the background. [Buzzfeed]

Thomas Jane Pretty Much Just Said That As A Struggling Actor He’d Have Sex With Men For Sandwiches Or Something - He’s just trying to get his kids back. [FARK]

9 Television Shows from the ’60s That Haven’t Been Made into Movies… Yet - Speaking of The Brady Bunch, I’m gonna go watch that movie again. “YES, I’M IN THE MIDDLE.” [Moviefone|

The Perfect Halloween Costume for One-Legged Ladies - If you don't like this, you can always be Zach Gowen. [The Daily What]

Mindhole Blowers: 20 Facts About Bridesmaids That Might Make You Sh*t Your Pants - Oh man, these facts! My pants! [Pajiba]

[header photo by way of Amanda Rykoff]

Links

A Short Time Ago In A Stadium Not Far Far Away - The only thing Jason Fry of Faith and Fear In Flushing knows more about than the New York Mets is Star Wars, so it is super awesome that he got to be a Stormtrooper for the Mets. Read about his story (he’s the one in the picture). [Faith and Fear]

Twitter Reacts To The News That Basketball Star Glen Rice Allegedly Banged Sarah Palin In 1987 - This is a great follow-up to yesterday’s article on With Leather for two reasons — one, it’s funny, and two, it gets the Tea Party yahoos googling “Sarah Palin Glen Rice” shuffled off to a different section of UPROXX. [UPROXX]

Six TV-Inspired Video Games That Were Nothing Like The Shows That Inspired Them - I remember playing that Home Improvement game and thinking it was one of the dumbest things ever. Somebody should make a King of Queens game where you have to drive post-apocalyptic battle cars. [Warming Glow]

The 15 Best Singing Performances In Non-Musical Films - Do the Country Bears count? What about “Don Henley as a Country Bear”? Because that was pretty amazing. [UPROXX]

Christina Hendricks Would Still Like To Be Wonder Woman - I would like for Christina Hendricks to stop smoking, get a part of her body other than the boobs in shape and display some sort of athleticism anywhere ever before getting to be Wonder Woman. [Gamma Squad]

AKNITomy: Amazing Knitted Dissected Animals - This is cute, and is the only way dissection should be done. The only thing I ever dissected was owl poop, and I didn’t get much farther than OH GOD THAT IS BONES. [Gamma Squad]

Awesome Mash-Up Alert: Twilight Plus Slapshot - Awesome mash-up idea alert: Slapshot plus anything. [Film Drunk]

Tyler Perry Tops Forbes’ List, Proves There Is No God - Mr. Brown is pretty funny, but no, not “millions and millions of dollars” funny. [Smoking Section]

Behold, the Greatest Book of All Time - This is number two all time, right behind The Bluest Eye. I’m gonna guess they have similar plots. [Buzzfeed]

Amanda Seyfried: ‘I can’t believe nobody wanted to see Megan Fox and me hitting it’ - I did, I totally did, I just didn’t want to sit through 45 minutes of Diablo Cody dialogue to get there. I checked out somewhere after “honest to blog”. [FARK]

20 Other Anticlimactic ‘Star Trek 2′ Confirmations - “Deep Space Nine will not appear, and we will continue pretending it didn’t exist, except in video packages about how we’re ahead of our time when it comes to gender and race relations.” [Moviefone]

Internet Browsers as Pretty Ladies - what [Unreality]

Links

Lucky Strikes: Rap’s 50 Greatest One-Hit Wonders - I will not support literature that casts dispersions on Positive K. Also, Vanilla Ice is the Billy Ray Cyrus of music, where people just ASSUME he had one hit, but he had like three. I mean, unless “Havin’ A Roni” suddenly wasn’t great. [Smoking Section]

The Official Warming Glow Fall TV Preview Drinking Game - “Community” (premiering September 22): Drink every time Annie is hotter than Britta, which is every time she’s on screen, and the only time you can stop drinking is in real life when you remember Alison Brie was in Born and Gillian Jacobs goes to Pro Wrestling Guerrilla shows. [Warming Glow]

Michael Bay Auditions a New Ferrari Washer: A Picture Story - Every thing with a moral tells me that sleeping with perfect-yet-disposable women like this is fun for like 40 years, but leaves you with a sense of artistic and personal emptiness. Michael Bay’s art is the best example of a thing with a moral. [Film Drunk]

Funny, Sexy, and Awesome Cosplay of the Week - These are incredible this week. I thought sexy Crow and Tom Servo was the best thing ever until I flipped a few pages and landed on someone dressed as Princess Allura from Voltron. omggggggggg [Gamma Squad]

Tea Party Zombies Must Die Lets Gamers Kill Right Wing Zombies - 2011′s “Beat Up Barney!” Sorry, but Mutant League Hockey already gave me the ability to kill right wingers. [UPROXX]

Want to See the Rejected Cast of Star Trek? - Sure. Is Welshie in here somewhere? [Gamma Squad]

Naked Man Found Dead in Hot Tub with TV Weatherman After Gay S&M Drug Party - I wish I could write headlines like this at With Leather, but nobody from the New York Yankees has died in a hot tub yet. [Warming Glow]

Why the Worst Superhero Ever Made Is Responsible for the Best Superhero Movie Ever Made - The most exciting part of this link is the idea that they were gonna make a big budget Batman movie with Egghead, Mad Hatter, King Tut and Scarecrow as the villains. I would watch the f**king sh*t out of that. [FARK]

Indiana Jones Gets Whipped by Barbra Streisand in Lost Footage from ‘The Temple of Doom’ - And in lost footage from Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Barbra Streisand shows up as a CGI monkey who must survive a nuclear explosion by hiding in a toaster. Ugh, that movie makes my stomach hurt. [Moviefone]

5 Essential Purchases for Packing Up and Moving to Hollywood - An important list for me, as I make my first ever trip to Los Angeles next weekend. I think I’m going to hang around and leech off my friends, who have all been out there for years making something of themselves while I blogged about wrestling from Cleveland. [Adult Swim]

Ben & Jerry’s Schweddy Balls Happened - Did it happen 15 years ago? Because if it didn’t, jesus christ [Daily What]

11 Reasons Why I’m Holding Out Hope That The Eddie Murphy Oscars Won’t Be One Massive, Fat Suited Ratnerf*cking - The teaser trailer for Shrek The Fifth: Star Shrek is number 12. I don’t know if that’s a real thing. Reason 13: Carey Mulligan will be there, and she is the hottest underaged boy in Hollywood. [Pajiba]

I spent my weekend watching Minor League Baseball and attending an independently-promoted women’s professional wrestling tournament, and since those are the two things I love nobody else in the world wants to read about, here are links to other things.

Sports

The Greatest Atrocity in the History of Sport - If you didn’t read Punte’s piece about BMX and Raisin Bran from last week, you’re missing out on one of the best things I’ve seen since I got here. In a perfect world, we’ll be doing stuff like this more often. Support it! [With Leather]

10 Things I Learned From Watching the NBA Draft - And don’t forget Burnsy, who manages to produce something like this every week and blow me out of the water. Also, my review of watching the NBA draft would just be a multi-pager with “uhhhhh” and a picture of David Stern on every page. [With Leather]

Ron Artest = Metta World Peace - It became a tired old Internet thing to mention before it even became news, but in case you need to know what the jokes are about, read the Smoking Section’s take on Ron Artest and his humorous name change. Changing With Leather’s name to “Beta Blog Read”, brb. [Smoking Section]

Everything’s Bigger in Texas - Kissing Suzy Call-ber (© TH of The Wrestling Podcast) is on vacation, so listen to the House of Punte podcast in five minute intervals for the remainder of the week. [KSK]

Not Sports

Bieber’s Kelly Kapowski Shirt: The Domino Effect - I feel pretty sad to live in a world where a Canadian teenager can wear a shirt and change it, but I’m happy to live in a world where people wear Kelly Kapowski t-shirts. Technically shouldn’t a “Kelly Kapowski t-shirt” be a bra with a floral print? [Uproxx]

Every Opening Quote from ‘The Wire’ in Under 3 Minutes - Create your own The Wire opening quote! Here are a few examples: “Things we do? We just do ‘em.” – Bird. “How’m I spose’d t’open this can without a can opener?” – Lester. “Go Fish a game of chance, yo.” – Omar. [Warming Glow]

Battle of the Kirks - William Shatner was too awesome and handsome to’ve devolved into the wierd Center of Attention Shrek he’s become. However, I will support any television show that gets Avery Brooks TV time. [Gamma Squad]

Twilight Are Book Now? - It’s hard to believe people like this exist, and also extremely easy. Create your own Twilight quote! “I die in the light… but without you, I never would have found the darkness.” Ha, somewhere that hoggish British lady is bursting into tears. [Film Drunk]

At long last, here is your full, high-definition theatrical trailer for Moneyball, the Aaron Sorkin adaptation of the book by Michael M. Lewis (not Billy Beane). You’d think more people would know Michael Lewis wrote the book, considering that his name is in huge red letters and bigger than the title and subtitle. In case you need to be caught up, here’s a succinct-ish synopsis from ComingSoon.net.

Based on a true story, Moneyball is a movie for anybody who has ever dreamed of taking on the system. Brad Pitt stars as Billy Beane, the general manager of the Oakland A’s and the guy who assembles the team, who has an epiphany: all of baseball’s conventional wisdom is wrong. Forced to reinvent his team on a tight budget, Beane will have to outsmart the richer clubs. The onetime jock teams with Ivy League grad Peter Brand (Jonah Hill) in an unlikely partnership, recruiting bargain players that the scouts call flawed, but all of whom have an ability to get on base, score runs, and win games. It’s more than baseball, it’s a revolution – one that challenges old school traditions and puts Beane in the crosshairs of those who say he’s tearing out the heart and soul of the game.

The cast of “Major League” accomplished this exact same movie without any math or stats by using self-esteem and a communal hatred of women. You can tell this is Hollywood because then-Network Associates Coliseum is PITCH BLACK. When they show that clip of the outfielders missing a ball, I didn’t think “these guys aren’t good at baseball”, I thought “how is Eric Byrnes supposed to catch a pop fly on the deck of the f**king Starship Enterprise?” All it needed was lens flares. That shadowy Social Network filter is just as bad as the urine glaze they use for horror remakes.

Hopefully I can get my Juiced: Wild Times, Rampant ‘Roids, Smash Hits, and How Baseball Got Big adaptation greenlit (shortened Hollywood title: How Baseball). It’s just two hours and forty minutes of Karl Urban as Jose Canseco contemplating steroids in a hallway closet.

[sauce]