Okay, so this is the latest edition of ‘FilmStrip,’ a YouTube show where you have to answer trivia questions about whatever to get UFC ring girl Arianny Celeste to take off her clothes. It’s great and all, and you can watch the video after the jump, but I’ve got a couple of problems with it.
1. Arianny Celeste’s job is to be in a bikini. That’s what she does for a living. It’s actually kind of unique to see her wearing clothes at all. Why am I answering questions for the prize of seeing her look like she always looks? If I’m a Harry Potter fan, shouldn’t I be more excited to see her in a sexy Harry Potter Halloween costume than in a bikini?
2. Arianny Celeste has been in Playboy, nipple freckle and all, and it is maybe the easiest thing in the world to type “arianny celeste playboy” into Google and see like 45 pictures from it. That’s not to discount the joy of seeing her in a Maxim-style photoshoot or whatever (like this one, where she posed with soccer balls), but man, I don’t want to have to WORK for it.
3. Arianny Celeste reading Harry Potter facts from a cue card is sub-Olivia Munn levels of nerd pandering. It’s like when AOL FanHouse brought in fantasy football girls, and they were like AND NOW HERE IS STORY BOUT OAKLAND RADDERS and the world just went enghhhh.
Anyway, yes, I am stupid for worrying about any of that. Here is Arianny Celeste asking you how much you know about Harry Potter.
This may be the first time we’ve ever tipped our hats to Subspace Communique, but here goes — the Los Angeles Dodgers are hoping to follow in the footsteps of successful ‘Star Wars Days’ in San Francisco and Tampa with their inaugural ‘Star Trek Day’ on August 3rd. If you go, you get two special gifts: a Spock shirsey and the chance to watch an 81-year old spaceship captain throw out the first pitch.
This ticket package includes a seat in the Coca-Cola All-You-Can-Eat-Pavilion and a limited edition Dodger and Star Trek themed t-shirt. You certainly won’t want to be “beamed up” once you are here. You’ll certainly won’t want to be “beamed up” once you are here. LIVE LONG AND PROSPER!
Star Trek legend William Shatner will be at Dodger Stadium for pre-game festivities and to throw the first pitch!
I was hoping they’d wheel out Captain Pike and let him push the ball to home plate with his brainwave chair. I was also hoping they’d get my favorite captain (Ben Sisko) to throw out the first pitch, but we all know he reps the Giants.
If you live in the area (or are enough of a Trekker, literally) and make it out to the game, snap as many photos as you can of dudes in pointy ears and Clayton Kershaw jerseys, send them over to us at email@example.com and we’ll share them with the world. Just don’t wear red to the game, it won’t end well for you.
Question Of The Day: Can Anyone Stop Kentucky In The Final Four? - Where have you gone, Christian Laettner, our nation turns its lonely eyes to you. Woo woo woo. [Smoking Section]
Is the UFC’s Fox Deal Hurting Business? - MMA will officially be pro wrestling when its top stars have to fight each other to protect THIS BUSINESS~. [CagePotato]
The 2011 A1W 100: Meet Your Voters and Others Receiving Votes - The list hasn’t been revealed yet, but I sent in a ballot, so you’ll see my esoteric taste eventually. Feel free to fall in love with Veda Scott (pictured, but not on the list) now, before she becomes super famous. [The Wrestling Blog]
Youtube Appreciation: Ratatouille the Snowboarding Opossum - Editor Americus Matt Ufford shows some love for our favorite extreme rodent. Also, I am so awesome at Latin. [SBN]
Watching This Abandoned Blind Dog’s Rescue And Recovery Video Will Absolutely Slay You - The first time I’ve ever cried at an Avril Lavigne song. Be nice to animals. [UPROXX]
The ‘Mad Men’ Cast Gets ‘Archer’-Ized - The only way this mash-up could be more appealing to the UPROXX network is if Kate Upton and Alison Brie had become the same lady. [UPROXX]
Worst Trek Episode Ever: The Bracket Begins - Do the movies count? Because Star Trek V: The Final Frontier is the worst piece of sh*t movie ever. [Gamma Squad]
Donna D’Erico Is On The Hunt For Noah’s Ark - Almost as cool as the time Yasmine Bleeth died searching for the Holy Grail. [Warming Glow]
Worst Anti-Piracy Ad Ever - Worth it for the YOU WOULDN’T DOWNLOAD A BEAR graphic. I will be dead in the cold, cold ground before I pay for even one moment of Battleship. [Film Drunk]
Breaking Dawn — Part 2 Teaser: Bella Gets Laid, Becomes Beautiful Eternal Monster Who Eats Bambi - And speaking of terrible movies, eventually we’re gonna run out of YA novels and sad grown-ups are gonna have to find something else to do. [Pajiba]
You Can Now Buy the ‘Zou Bisou Bisou’ Song From the ‘Mad Men’ Season Five Premiere - I liked it better when I thought it was called ‘Zooby Zooby Zoo’. [The FW]
Here’s Madonna’s Super Bowl Halftime Show Extravaganza, Featuring M.I.A. Flipping America Off - And now, the real one. I would’ve given anything for Kratos to show up and brutally murder everyone on stage. [UPROXX]
Memory Lane: Vintage Nike Ads - Somebody needs to make a loop of these with the Earl Woods DID YA LEARN ANYTHING speech over it. [Smoking Section]
Subway Graffiti Artists Turn Offensive ‘Mad Men’ Ads Into Awesome ‘Mad Men’ Ads - These are awesome, but I’d be happier if someone could turn an ad into a time machine and move us forward a couple of months so we could watch this goddamn show. [Warming Glow]
Star Trek: The Next Generation on Blu-ray Looks Way Better Than You Ever Thought a 25-Year-Old Syndicated TV Show Could - Now let’s get Deep Space Nine out on blu-ray so people who watch Star Trek can realize they’re stupid and that it is the best ever. [Gamma Squad]
Can’t A Guy Order A Big Black Dildo Online Without Getting All Kinds Of Pervy Junkmail? - I know, I ordered 3 Superbook DVDs like four years ago and have been getting HAVE YOU HEARD THE GOOD NEWS junkmail ever since. YES I HAVE HEARD IT. [UPROXX]
Susan G. Komen Demonstrates Perfectly How To Destroy Your Brand On The Internet - I don’t think she’s a bad person, I think she’s Ozymandias and we haven’t had a time to hear her doomsday speech. [UPROXX]
Chronicle Review: Can a cheap gimmick ruin a great story? - As someone who watches a lot of pro wrestling, uh, yes, yes it can. It can also ruin bad stories. [Film Drunk]
When Drunk-Dialing Goes Wrong: Drake Sued By “Marvin’s Room” Ex - I’m gonna drunk dial my ex with a radio edited “youda youda bess” and see if she sues. Chef! [Smoking Section]
Lana Del Rey Returns To SNL In The Form Of Kristen Wiig - They needed to more directly point out that it wasn’t what she did or looked like, it was that her song sounded super bad. pBuzzfeed]
Michael Cera tries to grow a mustache. With results that are pretty much just what you’d expect - Please don’t ruin the Arrested Development movie with your stupid personal bullsh*t, Cera, the rest of the world isn’t interested in Paper Hearts. [FARK]
Steven Van Zandt Crushes ‘Sopranos’ Movie Dreams - Turns out Tony Soprano died in a plane crash, and now whenever they play Freebird they put his hat on the mic stand. [Moviefone]
Gary Oldman’s Dramatic Recounting of Snooki’s Urinary Tract Infection - Somewhere Chris Walken is getting upset about Gary stepping on his toes. [Pajiba]
A Gallery of the Most Egregious Video Game Console Knockoffs - The “Wee” mini-DVD player is more or less the Monald Muck of consoles. Also, lol @ the Super Megason. [Unreality]
McDonald’s Hamburger Left Out For a Year Remains Exactly the Same - Yeah, but it only costs a dollar! Derp derp derp /drinks gasoline [The FW]
These Ron Swanson And Other Pop Culture Hoops Deserve All The Bacon And Eggs We Have - I was about to dismiss these (“oh great job, UPROXX, more Star Wars parodies”) until I got to No-Face from Spirited Away. More productive nerds need to be into good anime. [UPROXX]
Our Long National Nightmare Is Over: Akira Production Offices Shut Down - And speaking of good anime, thank Christ this honky piece of sh*t isn’t going to exist anymore. [Gamma Squad]
Why The Heck Isn’t Gary Busey The National Spokesperson For Kia? - And while we’re at it, why isn’t ‘I’m With Busey’ on DVD somewhere? [UPROXX]
The 15 Biggest Flops of 2011 - I’ve been reading about movies on the Internet for 15 years and I still don’t understand how something that had a 75 million dollar budget and made like, 130 million at the box office is a flop. People are greedy and weird. [Film Drunk]
Goalie Tim Howard Scores From Own Half - Time to bring back all those “if our rap blog is writing about soccer, I get to write about Childish Gambino” jokes from six months ago. [Smoking Section]
Zooey Deschanel Is Quite A Catch, Financially - Also in every other field, except making Having A Good Show and/or Ukelele Avoidance. [Buzzfeed]
Shirtless Obama Plays Football, Eats Sand - After that whole “signing a bill that will get me thrown in jail for the rest of my life for trying to visit the Lincoln Memorial too close to sunset or whatever” act, I’m losing interest in watching our President be a cool guy. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
7 Things About the ‘Justified’ Cast that You Probably Didn’t Know - One day I’m going to figure out if this show is like ‘The Wire’, where people bug me to watch it for years and it’s the best show in history, or like ‘The Shield’, where people bug me to watch it for years and I’m perfectly okay ignoring it forever. [Warming Glow]
David Beckham Bewildered About Why People Think He Is A Secret Homosexual - Spoiler alert: it’s because every male who isn’t 100% masculine is a danger to 100% masculinity. That’s a defining aspect of masculinity … being challenged by everything for no f**king reason. [FARK]
20 Suggested Names for Benedict Cumberbatch’s ‘Star Trek 2′ Villain - Zinglebert Wambledack? Englebert Slaptyback? Jerry Dorsey. [Moviefone]
Cosplay Photoshopping GIF Makes Me Sad - Photoshop is the devil, especially in situations like this where real-life accuracy is the entire point. Also, your arms looked fine before the photoshopping. [Unreality]
Yeah, I’ve Made Up Your Mind: Five 2012 Films You Might Not Know You Should Be Looking Forward To - Pajiba doesn’t know me at all, thinking I wouldn’t be excited for a Wes Anderson movie. Cloud Atlas sounds pretty goddamn hilarious, though. [Pajiba]
Daniel Day-Lewis Is Method Acting The Hell Out Of Abe Lincoln - That’s not Daniel Day-Lewis, Bill and Ted just left the real Abe Lincoln alone at the mall again. [Film Drunk]
Community Credits x Parks & Recreation - This isn’t that great, really, but I can’t stop watching it. Ken Jeong aside, I want to kiss every person in this cast on the mouth. [NextRound]
A Gallery of Pitch Perfect Daria Cosplay - Holy crap, cosplay Jane from Daria #cangetit. Somebody give that girl my phone number, and the licensing rights to popular songs from the 90s. [Unreality]
Is It OK to NOT Love ‘The Muppets’? - No, stupid. [Moviefone]
Expert: Coming Apple-Designed TV Will Blow Your Freakin’ Mind, Man! - There’s so much Apple stuff in my house I have an iPad on the back of my toilet used exclusively to play Angry Birds while I take a dump. Not looking forward to having to buy this. [UPROXX]
Sexy Rumor: HBO Already Preparing Two More Seasons of ‘Game of Thrones’ - Book spoilers: Lord G’Nort travels to the great Maldavia and stabs Jahara. I don’t know, but that sounds right. [Warming Glow]
St. Petersburg Tops List As America’s Saddest City - Somebody’s never been to Detroit! [Smoking Section]
Five Video Game Series That Never Need to be Reviewed Again - “Madden Football”. [Gamma Squad]
How I Play Call of Duty by xoxoDumpTruckoxox - I always go to xoxoDumpTruckoxox for instructional videos. [Adult Swim]
William Shatner Fires A Photon Torpedo At Carrie Fisher - I wrote fan fic with this title, but it was way more graphic. This is just William Shatner talking. [FARK]
Watch a Nerdy White Boy CRUSH a Rap About Pancakes Set to ‘Look at Me Now’ - CHET HAZE! WE COMIN’ FA YOU, N***A! [BroBible]
“How I Met Your Mother’s” Ted is Kind of a Douche - Also, “How I Met Your Mother’s” Every Other Character is kind of a douche. Why is that guy taking a decade to tell his kids one story? [Pajiba]