Being a lifelong resident of Florida, I’ve grown immune to the jokes that my UPROXXian colleagues make at my expense, but I’m also the first to admit that this state will eventually lead to the opening of several portals to hell. That said, today’s top Florida story comes from Ft. Walton Beach, which is located right next to you don’t care.

Apparently a game of dominoes at the Rancho Alegre night club turned ugly when one man learned the lesson of sharing the hard way.

The victim, Edward Hooks, told officers he and a man named “Cowboy” were playing Dominoes in the Rancho Alegre nightclub when the argument began.

They argued over the pork rinds and a missing cell phone, according to the victim and witnesses.

Cowboy, whose real name is Will Moore Traywick and who also answers to Wyatt Earp, broke a beer bottle and stabbed Hooks, according to witness statements. (Via Northwest Florida Daily News)

Cowboy, who, with my luck, is probably related to me, tried to escape, but he was eventually caught by the police in a fast food restaurant bathroom. I’d criticize his mistake, but sometimes you just really need a Doritos taco.

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It looks like I’m going to have to turn “Texas football guys dying” into a daily feature. Yesterday, we shared the story of Prestonwood Christian School assistant football coach Wade McLain, who collapsed and died when he stood outside all day in one of the state’s 40-plus days of 100-degree-plus weather. Today’s story takes place amidst air conditioning but is no less brutal — the storied college sports rivalry between the University of Oklahoma and the University of Texas at Austin evolved from aggressive car decals to full-on knife fighting at a San Antonio Applebee’s. Applebee’s©, where stacking food on top of different foods constitutes a new menu item!

The report and video, courtesy of Alamo Graphics News:

An argument over college football escalated into a knife fight at a San Antonio Applebee’s that sent two men to the hospital.

Police said officers were called to a northwest Applebee’s restaurant just before midnight on Monday in regards to a fight that started as an argument between an Oklahoma Sooners fan and Texas Longhorns fan. The argument escalated, and the Oklahoma fan pulled a knife and attacked the Texas fan.

Both were taken to University Hospital, where the Texas fan was last reported in stable condition; the other man in critical condition.

State pride legislation permits me to point how how the Oklahoma fan is the one who pulled the knife and attacked, but is the one in critical condition. Oklahoma, ladies and gentlemen, the Poland of the central United States. I hope by “pulled a knife” they mean he picked up the steak knife he was using at the Applebee’s and tried to stab a guy. I wonder if he got Garlic Mash in his wounds.

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By now you’ve undoubtedly heard that Miami Dolphins wide receiver and shy gentleman Brandon Marshall was stabbed by his wife Friday night. Marshall was kept in the ICU at Broward General Medical Center on Saturday and was eventually released in good condition. You know, except for that whole being stabbed in the stomach thing.

And of course his storied past isn’t helping the cause, as Brandon has a history of relationship troubles, to be kind. So let’s look at what we know first.

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James Martin, husband of legendary female boxer Christy Martin, was finally arrested after allegedly shooting and stabbing his wife last week. Martin was apprehended near the couple’s home–which had also been robbed after the incident–and was treated for knife wounds which are believed to have been self-inflicted.

Doctors found that Martin has been stabbed and shot, although none of the injuries were considered life threatening. Deputies were called to the hospital and found Martin conscious and alert. She was able to tell them that her husband had confronted her inside their home, after she had been gone for two days, with a knife and handgun and they began to fight.

She said she was able to get out of the house after being stabbed and flag down the motorist who drove her to the hospital. Martin said she did not realize she had been shot during the altercation.

–My FOX Orlando.

Whoa. James is 66, and apparently losing his mind, since either shooting or stabbing individually didn’t seem to be enough to do the job. Or maybe he’s just a really thorough guy. I mean, look at that dead animal on his head. That’s the mark of a man that leaves nothing to chance. A very disturbed man who doesn’t own a mirror, apparently.

As a fan of the St. Louis Cardinals, I’m generally acknowledged as one of the more intelligent, classy and handsome fans in baseball. With that said, I am absolutely appalled at the news of a New York Yankees fan stabbing a Boston Red Sox fan over the weekend. While eating at the Chowder Pot in New Haven, Connecticut, Yankees fan John Mayor and Red Sox fan Monte Freire exchanged words about their disapproval of each other’s baseball fanfare, resulting in Mayor stabbing Freire.

Mayor was busted while he was trying to hide the knife in some woods near the restaurant. Freire needed emergency surgery, but survived to curse Derek Jeter another day. The argument likely stemmed from the fact that the Red Sox, despite not making the playoffs, ruined the Yankees’ chances of winning the American League East. Instead, the Bronx Bombers finished a game behind the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. Initially it was believed that Freire was a Rays fan until detectives realized there are no Rays fans.

Video and retelling of this legendary rivalry stabbing after the jump.

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Here’s a news report of a stabbing that happened after a busload of Philadelphia Flyers fans returned home from a road trip to see their team play the New Jersey Devils. And you’re not going to believe this, but a fight broke out. Between Flyers fans and Flyers fans.

It is unclear why some of the occupants of the fan bus expected trouble upon their return, but according to police, when [an] off-duty cop showed up at the bus’ final destination, at the Arena Bowling Alley on Roosevelt Boulevard near Rhawn Street, he saw a group of 10 to 15 men waiting for it to arrive.

When the bus pulled up shortly after midnight, three to four of the men who were waiting attempted to board the bus, police said.

The off-duty officer got out of his vehicle and, as he did so, the men trying to get on the bus instead ran towards him and began kicking and punching the officer, Northeast Detectives said.

After verbally identifying himself as a police officer, the off-duty cop grabbed a hold of one of the men and held him against his car while the others continued to beat the officer, police said.

Meanwhile, the cop’s brother and the other fans got off the bus and engaged in a verbal dispute with the opposing group, according to police.

During the course of the argument, the cop’s 28-year-old brother was stabbed once in the chest and once in the back by a man in a Flyers’ jersey, Northeast Detectives said.

There were two stabbings in all. Neither man stabbed was identified in the original Inquirer report. It was a crazy, bizarre way to end a bus trip. At least, to me it was. It’s just another walk in the park for Philly Sports Fan. via, via.

ASYLUM POLL: What city has the most dangerous sports fans?