The St. Louis Rams came out firing in the 1st quarter of last night’s Monday Night Football matchup with the New York Giants, and everything looked promising for the young Rams playing without their running back Steven Jackson and receiver Danny Amendola. What looked like a certain touchdown, as the Rams marched into the red zone with their no huddle offense, soon became a terrible display of amateur hour by Giants defenders Jacquian Williams and Deon Grant, who both flopped and faked injuries to stop the clock.

To be fair, Williams and Grant fell to the ground at the same time, and Williams immediately jumped back up once he realized that Grant had sold his ailment with Oscar-winning precision. Then the Giants held the Rams to just a field goal and a strange tempo was set for the rest of the game. Who says that life is fair?

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…or, “Sometimes those guilty jerks who claim they’ve never done steroids are actually telling the truth.”

In a case that should be considered a landmark and a new way to report sports (but will probably just get looked over), a federal judge supported and paid out $5.4 million to St. Louis Rams linebacker David Vobora in his lawsuit against a firm that manufactured the tainted supplements that got him suspended for a substance-abuse policy violation back in 2009.

Vobora has been claiming “tainted supplements” since his suspension, and I think most people would read about a pro football player getting suspended for steroids and dismiss their claim of tainted supplements with, probably at best, a wanking motion. As it turns out, sometimes when an athlete says something he’s telling you what actually happened and isn’t spinning stuff to fit his image or “brand”. Huh.

“It is a landmark decision, not only in the industry but in the ongoing controversy that has dominated sports for the past 10 years with athletes testing positive for steroids,” said R. Daniel Fleck, a Spence attorney. “So many of the athletes are claiming that they haven’t cheated and the supplements have been tainted. And it’s true. They are getting caught in the middle.”

The former Mr. Irrelevant from 2008 seems to be making a career out of beating raps, making it into a starting position on his team despite being drafted last and now overcoming steroids charges, and as we’ve all learned, if you want to have a Sandra Bullock or Denzel Washington movie made about your life you’ve got to overcome these kinds of odds.

Of course, like I said, this will probably get skimmed over so we can get back to comfortably condemning Drug Kingpin Barry Bonds and Statutory Rapist Roger Clemens for the crimes and bloody swabs of their life, but it’s nice to know that sometimes “tainted supplement” really means “tainted supplement”, and isn’t just code for donkey-something.

Lobster Dog was just as shocked as anyone when the Houston Texans selected Mario Williams.

Originally, I was going to put together a first round mock draft to pretend like I had any clue how the 2011 NFL Draft was going to unfold and thankfully I talked myself out of kidding myself. Besides, all I have time to do is worry about the Miami Dolphins selecting Christian Ponder with the 15th pick tonight. Seriously, if that happens I will fully endorse the lockout until he’s old enough to retire. But that’s the fun of the NFL Draft – speculation, worrying, complaining, crying, protesting, cursing, stamping feet, blaming girlfriends, threatening lives, hoping players are hit by buses. You know, all the best of the “in good fun” stuff.

Instead of making predictions so you all can call me wrong – or more wrong than usual – or trying to outbest the best in mock draft coverage at Kissing Suzy Kolber, I figured I’d collect the latest and last of the big first round rumors before this little fun party begins.

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The bulk of the coaching carousel is over for the NFL right now, as all the teams have found their head coaches and are now just trying to find people for more specific positions right now. These assistant coaches and coordinators we talk about could be the next generation of head coaches, which starts whenever Al Davis fires his current one. Let’s talk about the lesser known names in coaching staffs and what they have been up to.
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In what was accurately set up as a “play-in game” for the NFL Playoffs, the Seattle Seahawks beat the St. Louis Rams to win the NFC West, one of the few division titles up for grabs heading into Sunday’s action. The ‘Hawks became the first NFL team ever to win their division or qualify for a post-season berth with more losses than wins.

“There is no apologies for making it into the playoffs. The easiest way to make it to the playoffs is to win your division, period, point-blank,” Seattle safety Lawyer Milloy said. “We did that.”

Most people can live with a 7-9 team in the playoffs, but a lot of folks are bent that Seattle will get a 4-seed in the NFC “bracket” and host a playoff game, while 10-6 teams like Tampa Bay and the New York Giants won’t be in the post-season at all. I’ve said it before; winning a division should give a team precedence over those that couldn’t, and the fact that it’s the Seahawks getting the nod will make their wild card game against the Saints all the more fun. We can leave those refugees in the Superdome for another week now. What’s that? There are no more refugees? I really need to start following things other than sports.

The Arizona Cardinals are coping with big changes this preseason, as former first round draft pick Matt Leinart is now the starting quarterback and young receivers like Steve Breaston and Early Doucet are stepping up since Anquan Boldin was traded to the Baltimore Ravens in the offseason. Meanwhile, Kurt Warner is dealing with life as a civilian now that his days as an off-and-on elite NFL QB are over. Yes, life’s much simpler now for the former Ram, Giant and Cardinal, as he’s left to ponder what he and his once-Gozerian wife Brenda will do with their twilight years.

Kurt’s first paying retirement gig has been as a broadcaster for the Iowa Barnstormers Arena Football franchise, as he was inducted into the AFL Hall of Fame in May. Warner also played for the Barnstormers before becoming a NFL feel-good story and Super Bowl MVP for the St. Louis Rams. And that feel-good story is now the center of so many possibilities for the Warner family, which includes his seven children. Or as Travis Henry calls it – amateur hour.

The next time someone asks if Kurt Warner’s a god, you say yes, Pro Football Talk:

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