Sadly, not photoshopped.

Suck for Luck. It’s a pretty simple phrase, right? I mean, it shouldn’t take a team of rocket scientists to comprehend that Stanford QB Andrew Luck is the top QB prospect in college football right now and his name rhymes with suck. Therefore, “Suck for Luck” isn’t exactly unique and I certainly don’t take credit for coming up with the phrase, and this certainly isn’t the only site that posts a “Suck for Luck” power ranking each week. (We’ve just been posting this one longer than the others, so thanks for that.)

I bring this up because I read a humorous argument on the Twitters last week between people taking credit for the “Suck for Luck” campaign, with one person going as far as to claim he came up with it when Luck was a freshman. I won’t point any fingers because this is frivolous and these people don’t deserve the attention, but I just wanted to take a moment to remind people that fans of the Indianapolis Colts and the Miami Dolphins actually have a reason to remain involved with their seasons, no matter what Dwight Freeney and Karlos Dansby think about it.

Let’s not ruin that by being douchebags about taking credit for something that a 5-year old could have created. If we can all agree on that, let’s get on with this week’s suck.

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For the second time in 6 years, the St. Louis Cardinals are the World Series champions. And for the second time in 6 years, people are scratching their heads and wondering, “How the f*ck did the Cardinals win the World Series?” On August 25, the Redbirds were, of course, 10.5 games back in the Wild Card race. At that same time, the Milwaukee Brewers had also established an insurmountable lead in the NL Central, so it seemed like the Cardinals didn’t have a snowball’s chance. Then they simply did what everyone loves to hate them for – they played gritty and determined, and they took advantage of other teams’ misfortunes.

It has been building for a few years now, but the Cardinals have finally developed into that team that people love to hate for no other reason than, “I hate them.” It has spread beyond the usual divisional hatred into a full-blown National League contempt. Fans of the Philadelphia Phillies despise the Cardinals for ruining “their season.” Atlanta Braves fans hate the Cards because it’s their fault that the Braves fell into one of the biggest regular season collapses in league history. And as one Milwaukee Brewers fan put it to me at Game 3 of the NCLS, “You’re the Yankees of the National League.”

I could debate that rhetoric for days, but I don’t want to spoil the moment with nonsensical arguments. Instead, the Cardinals spent yesterday celebrating with their city of “baseball’s best fans,” a title that certainly fuels the growing fire of hatred. The Birds also stopped by Edward Jones Dome to give the St. Louis Rams a little luck in their defeat of the New Orleans Saints. And the attention has already mostly turned to Albert Pujols’ destiny, but we’ll get to that later. In the meantime, Cardinals fans rejoice, everyone else – haters to the left.

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"Haha, I'm toally gonna stay in school."

Now that “Suck For Luck” is a full blown ordeal – there’s even a Twitter account devoted to it – it’s very amusing to see the general NFL fan’s reaction to the idea that teams might tank some games to secure the guy every analyst this side of Mel Kiper’s phallic eagle swoop is calling the next John Elway.

It’s public knowledge now that both Indianapolis Colts owner Jim Irsay and Miami Dolphins majority owner Stephen Ross have expressed interest in acquiring Luck in the draft. So the rational school of thought for the average fan – I’d probably estimate an I.Q. of 75 – is that two teams of professional athletes, who are boisterous, arrogant and proud, will waste an entire season of their professional careers so they can put their fates in the hands of a guy from Stanford.

There are two things about this, as a Miami Dolphins fan, that crack me up:

1) Why on Earth would Tony Sparano and his coaching staff kowtow to Ross, who openly courted Jim Harbaugh to replace him? Why would Sparano fill the cupboard with elite talent only to have it handed to Bill Cowher in the spring?

2) And do you really think that Brandon Marshall would keep his mouth shut if someone told him to flop on some plays? He’d be demanding trades and stomping his feet to the point that Terrell Owens would be like, “Dude, chill.” Besides, he looked just fine flopping on his own last night.

Now the Colts on the other hand, they seem like they would do it and not give a crap. After all, if any of their older guys complain, they can easily be traded for draft picks. I’m sure that thought is cemented firmly in Irsay’s mind. That’s why, as I was perusing Twitter during last night’s Monday Night Football game, there was a hilarious double standard at work.

If the Colts lose a game, they get to blame Peyton Manning’s injury and nobody thinks twice. But if the Dolphins lose, they’re just sucking on purpose to get Luck. I have some news for you all – Miami really is that terrible. It’s just funny that people seem more willing to allow the Colts to put Luck behind Manning, like they’re being dumped by Marisa Miller while preparing for their date with Kate Upton.

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Four teams are still winless. Three of them seemingly don’t need quarterbacks. One team is starving for a franchise QB. And while one 0-4 team can’t seemingly keep losing with such a talented young offense, and another can’t keep losing because it has the best running back in the NFL, the other two seem poised for a collision course of suck for the remainder of this season. It should be quite exciting.

As a reminder, these rankings are in reverse order and are based on the theory that Stanford QB Andrew Luck will be the first pick of the 2012 NFL Draft, even though he’s a junior and may not even declare. There are clearly many teams that don’t need a QB, so they’re not going to be ranked toward the top of this list, especially if they win games. I only mention this because one of my friends actually complained to me on Friday that I ranked the Philadelphia Eagles too low because “they’re better than their record.” Settle down, this is just for fun. Also, they’re not.

What’s that you say? Enough with my imaginary friends and on with the Suck For Luck Power(less) Rankings? Your wish is Chad Henne’s worthless injured shoulder my command.

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@Jeff_McLane: #Eagles QB Michael Vick will no longer have a Monday radio show on WIP.

Try to put your heart back together, I need to report this news.

During the preseason, when Michael Vick and the Philadelphia Eagles were an unstoppable Dream Team who could be stopped by no designable defense, WIP’s “Chickie and Pete’s Players Lounge” on Monday nights was promoting weekly appearances from the QB and Forgiven Dog Murderer. He showed up after Philly’s Week 1 victory over the St. Louis Rams, but didn’t show up to participate after week 2, when the Eagles lost to the Atlanta Falcons, or in week 3, when they lost to the New York Giants. Week 4 and a 24-23 loss to the San Francisco 49ers came and went, and I guess braggadocious radio shows aren’t fun when you’re 1-3, so Vick is electing to spend Monday nights at home, doing whatever it is he does for fun (now).

Mike Vick Radio was a no-win scenario (okay, a 1-win scenario) from the start. Chris Chase of Shutdown Corner shares his insight:

He should never have agreed to host a show in the first place. What’s the best case scenario there? Since no national attention gets paid to local radio programs unless something goes wrong, the upside was that a handful of people in Philadelphia listen and decide they like Michael Vick more than they thought. The downside is that Vick makes comments that provide fodder for his next 10 press conferences.

My insight is that Chickie and Pete and the radio disc jockeys they sponsor should go full-on Weenie And The Butt with Vick and just play his press conferences with boing sound effects and bicycle horns in the background. Thank goodness they’re broadcasting informally from a Lounge and aren’t in a radio studio, where this announcement would be disastrous for them.

To blame Eli Manning for the New York Giants’ offensive woes is a bit unfair. After all, it’s not like he’s single-handedly tossing his receivers into traffic, and we are only two weeks into the season. But Giants fans were nonetheless booing their former Super Bowl MVP quarterback against the St. Louis Rams last night, despite Manning leading them to a 28-16 win with 200 passing yards and 2 touchdowns.

So how did Manning react to the negative stirrings of his Big Blue faithful? He said, “You crazy, girlfriend” and passed the boos off to those loathsome Rams that Giants fans have such a history of hating.

Video of Eli’s pride after the jump. Kudos to NBC’s satellite team for beaming it in from whatever planet he’s on.

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