Four teams are still winless. Three of them seemingly don’t need quarterbacks. One team is starving for a franchise QB. And while one 0-4 team can’t seemingly keep losing with such a talented young offense, and another can’t keep losing because it has the best running back in the NFL, the other two seem poised for a collision course of suck for the remainder of this season. It should be quite exciting.

As a reminder, these rankings are in reverse order and are based on the theory that Stanford QB Andrew Luck will be the first pick of the 2012 NFL Draft, even though he’s a junior and may not even declare. There are clearly many teams that don’t need a QB, so they’re not going to be ranked toward the top of this list, especially if they win games. I only mention this because one of my friends actually complained to me on Friday that I ranked the Philadelphia Eagles too low because “they’re better than their record.” Settle down, this is just for fun. Also, they’re not.

What’s that you say? Enough with my imaginary friends and on with the Suck For Luck Power(less) Rankings? Your wish is Chad Henne’s worthless injured shoulder my command.

Read the rest of this entry »

@Jeff_McLane: #Eagles QB Michael Vick will no longer have a Monday radio show on WIP.

Try to put your heart back together, I need to report this news.

During the preseason, when Michael Vick and the Philadelphia Eagles were an unstoppable Dream Team who could be stopped by no designable defense, WIP’s “Chickie and Pete’s Players Lounge” on Monday nights was promoting weekly appearances from the QB and Forgiven Dog Murderer. He showed up after Philly’s Week 1 victory over the St. Louis Rams, but didn’t show up to participate after week 2, when the Eagles lost to the Atlanta Falcons, or in week 3, when they lost to the New York Giants. Week 4 and a 24-23 loss to the San Francisco 49ers came and went, and I guess braggadocious radio shows aren’t fun when you’re 1-3, so Vick is electing to spend Monday nights at home, doing whatever it is he does for fun (now).

Mike Vick Radio was a no-win scenario (okay, a 1-win scenario) from the start. Chris Chase of Shutdown Corner shares his insight:

He should never have agreed to host a show in the first place. What’s the best case scenario there? Since no national attention gets paid to local radio programs unless something goes wrong, the upside was that a handful of people in Philadelphia listen and decide they like Michael Vick more than they thought. The downside is that Vick makes comments that provide fodder for his next 10 press conferences.

My insight is that Chickie and Pete and the radio disc jockeys they sponsor should go full-on Weenie And The Butt with Vick and just play his press conferences with boing sound effects and bicycle horns in the background. Thank goodness they’re broadcasting informally from a Lounge and aren’t in a radio studio, where this announcement would be disastrous for them.

To blame Eli Manning for the New York Giants’ offensive woes is a bit unfair. After all, it’s not like he’s single-handedly tossing his receivers into traffic, and we are only two weeks into the season. But Giants fans were nonetheless booing their former Super Bowl MVP quarterback against the St. Louis Rams last night, despite Manning leading them to a 28-16 win with 200 passing yards and 2 touchdowns.

So how did Manning react to the negative stirrings of his Big Blue faithful? He said, “You crazy, girlfriend” and passed the boos off to those loathsome Rams that Giants fans have such a history of hating.

Video of Eli’s pride after the jump. Kudos to NBC’s satellite team for beaming it in from whatever planet he’s on.

Read the rest of this entry »

The St. Louis Rams came out firing in the 1st quarter of last night’s Monday Night Football matchup with the New York Giants, and everything looked promising for the young Rams playing without their running back Steven Jackson and receiver Danny Amendola. What looked like a certain touchdown, as the Rams marched into the red zone with their no huddle offense, soon became a terrible display of amateur hour by Giants defenders Jacquian Williams and Deon Grant, who both flopped and faked injuries to stop the clock.

To be fair, Williams and Grant fell to the ground at the same time, and Williams immediately jumped back up once he realized that Grant had sold his ailment with Oscar-winning precision. Then the Giants held the Rams to just a field goal and a strange tempo was set for the rest of the game. Who says that life is fair?

Read the rest of this entry »

…or, “Sometimes those guilty jerks who claim they’ve never done steroids are actually telling the truth.”

In a case that should be considered a landmark and a new way to report sports (but will probably just get looked over), a federal judge supported and paid out $5.4 million to St. Louis Rams linebacker David Vobora in his lawsuit against a firm that manufactured the tainted supplements that got him suspended for a substance-abuse policy violation back in 2009.

Vobora has been claiming “tainted supplements” since his suspension, and I think most people would read about a pro football player getting suspended for steroids and dismiss their claim of tainted supplements with, probably at best, a wanking motion. As it turns out, sometimes when an athlete says something he’s telling you what actually happened and isn’t spinning stuff to fit his image or “brand”. Huh.

“It is a landmark decision, not only in the industry but in the ongoing controversy that has dominated sports for the past 10 years with athletes testing positive for steroids,” said R. Daniel Fleck, a Spence attorney. “So many of the athletes are claiming that they haven’t cheated and the supplements have been tainted. And it’s true. They are getting caught in the middle.”

The former Mr. Irrelevant from 2008 seems to be making a career out of beating raps, making it into a starting position on his team despite being drafted last and now overcoming steroids charges, and as we’ve all learned, if you want to have a Sandra Bullock or Denzel Washington movie made about your life you’ve got to overcome these kinds of odds.

Of course, like I said, this will probably get skimmed over so we can get back to comfortably condemning Drug Kingpin Barry Bonds and Statutory Rapist Roger Clemens for the crimes and bloody swabs of their life, but it’s nice to know that sometimes “tainted supplement” really means “tainted supplement”, and isn’t just code for donkey-something.

Lobster Dog was just as shocked as anyone when the Houston Texans selected Mario Williams.

Originally, I was going to put together a first round mock draft to pretend like I had any clue how the 2011 NFL Draft was going to unfold and thankfully I talked myself out of kidding myself. Besides, all I have time to do is worry about the Miami Dolphins selecting Christian Ponder with the 15th pick tonight. Seriously, if that happens I will fully endorse the lockout until he’s old enough to retire. But that’s the fun of the NFL Draft – speculation, worrying, complaining, crying, protesting, cursing, stamping feet, blaming girlfriends, threatening lives, hoping players are hit by buses. You know, all the best of the “in good fun” stuff.

Instead of making predictions so you all can call me wrong – or more wrong than usual – or trying to outbest the best in mock draft coverage at Kissing Suzy Kolber, I figured I’d collect the latest and last of the big first round rumors before this little fun party begins.

Read the rest of this entry »