The story of a lead actor living in a world of bit players, from the YouTube description:

I shot some rioting go down on Muni on McAllister and Larkin (San Francisco, Ca) after the San Francisco Giants won the 2012 MLB World Series. I started filming toward the end, about ten minutes before the cops showed up. There were a few buses stalled there because the streets were overflowing with people. When rioting began on Muni, this particular gentleman on the back of the bus was having none of it. He sat there stonefaced amidst all the chaos, presumably texting to his friends about his miserable experience commuting on Muni yet again. Everyone outside noticed his lack of celebratory and destructive spirit, so they started taking pictures and video of him until the lights went out.

This guy.

Maybe I’m not the type to turn into the apes from 2001: A Space Odyssey and start smashing boar skulls with a bone because my favorite sports team won a game, but I’m on The Dude Who Wouldn’t Riot’s side. He’s the one guy on screen with a head on his shoulders. I am pretty interested to know what he’s doing with his time (I don’t buy the “texting his friends about his miserable experience” line), so I consulted the comments section and compiled my ten favorite theories. Those are below.

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We know, dude. Trust us, we know.

Sometimes I think that young people in the Third World look at America and they think, “Why can’t I have that?” And then on days like this, I assume they’re thinking, “What a bunch of pricks.” Last night was probably one of those times, as thousands of students and fans of Penn State University rioted through the streets of University Park, some in support of iconic football coach Joe Paterno, and others in support of the university’s sudden decision to fire JoePa after 45 years.

The Board of Trustees announced at a 10 p.m. press conference that Paterno’s employment would be terminated immediately, as opposed to yesterday’s reports that he would be allowed to resign at the end of the season. The termination comes, of course, after Paterno’s former defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky was revealed to have allegedly sexually abused young boys in Penn State athletic facilities. Paterno was admonished by investigators as having done everything necessary when accusations were first made in 2002; however, that has done nothing to quell the moral outrage.

As I stated yesterday, I will make no humor of or judgment toward this affair, but it’s worth pointing out how ludicrous the behavior was of those causing property damage to small businesses and the university last night. And of course it even reached the Occupy Wall Street people, because they really seem like the sporting bunch to me.

UPDATE: Now with more pictures of students tipping over a news van and with their faces clear as day so that people might identify them and put them in a jail cell of their own. As well as a few others of people generally supporting Paterno.

INCREDIBLY OBNOXIOUS UPDATE: Penn State rioters planked. Unreal.

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The story today should be that the Boston Bruins won their first Stanley Cup in 39 years. The story should be that Bruins goalie Tim Thomas, who was considered at one point to be done because of injuries and an unorthodox style, delivered one of the greatest Game 7 performances in Stanley Cup Finals history. Hell, the story should be that Boston fans are celebrating all over America today after not giving a flying pig’s poop about this franchise for years. But it’s not.

Instead, the story is about stupidity, arrogance, ignorance, and all of the other things that we detest about sports. After the Vancouver Canucks lost to the Bruins 4-0 last night at the Rogers Arena in Vancouver, fans spilled into the streets and destroyed their beautiful city. While it’s not the first time that we’ve seen the fans of a major city’s sports franchise flip over cars, start fires, attack police, and loot stores, it’s still a pretty f*cked up thing to look at. I’ve been to Vancouver a few times and I consider it to be a pretty remarkable city, but looking at the images after the jump I can’t help but wonder why.

Perhaps it’s a testament to the growing tension among fans to pay an average of $2,100 to watch their team get blown out in the final game of a series that it should have won. Maybe it’s simply a case of a spoiled culture boiling over with a dangerous combination of intoxication, hormones and misdirected rage. Maybe Vancouver’s fans thought that those kids giving their lives in Egypt and Syria were just upset about their stupid hockey team losing. I don’t really know or care what the cause is. The fact is that it’s just flat out stupid. But congrats to Boston fans for a victory and for being the better people.

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