It’s Been A Rough Week For Michael Jordan

Written by Ashley Burns / 08.24.12

File photo.

Last week, Deadspin’s Tommy Craggs wrote a fantastic response to Sports Illustrated’s Thomas Lake, who penned a scathing, fart-sniffing letter to Charlotte Bobcats owner Michael Jordan about what he supposedly owed his former high school basketball coach, Pop Herring, who suffers from a mental illness, among other things. You can read Lake’s humongous pat on the back to himself here, and then I’m sure you can track down the online fundraiser that he started to really stick it to Jordan. If it helps Lake sleep better at night, then good for him, but I’m more curious about what it all represents.

At some point in the last few years, it became a trend to hate Jordan. As I pointed out during the NBA Lockout last summer, players picked him as the bad guy, because – aside from maybe Mark Cuban – Jordan is the most recognizable owner. But they also obviously picked him because he actually played the game, and they felt that he should have had their backs. I wrote that he shouldn’t, because A) he’s already done so much for paving the way to fortune for the league’s stars and B) he’s an owner now, and he has to worry about himself and his team.

Now, if people want to argue that they hate him because he sucks as an owner, I can get on board with that. However, the idea that he owes certain people something because he’s rich is just lazy. And yesterday, our friends at Buzzfeed found something even lazier.

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Bill Belichick’s Little League Photo Is Great

Written by Ashley Burns / 07.18.12

One of the Internet’s greatest time-wasters, aside from YouTube black holes and Reddit threads, is the Sports Illustrated photo vault. Forget, for a brief second, that you can browse almost every Swimsuit Issue photo ever taken, because while that’s certainly something that I can appreciate, it takes away from the awesomeness of the other images, like Drew Brees presumably telling Peter King that his face isn’t made of chocolate or Barry Sanders hanging out with Josef the lion.

The other day, SI.com released a new gallery of famous athletes and sports personalities in their little league baseball days, and it might be my favorite thing yet. Between Eric Chavez and his baseball jeans and Doug Flutie’s awesome participation trophy, this gallery is spectacular. But my absolute favorite is that image of New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick above, because it is the most Little Rascals thing I’ve seen since The Little Rascals.

As a recommendation, I think the SI Vault should also include a collection of sports bloggers’ tee ball and little league photos. They can start with mine after the jump…

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Yep, They’ve Got A Version Of This Too

Written by Brandon Stroud / 06.22.12

LeBron James Taiwan Animation NBA Championship

Taiwan’s Next Media Animation asks the two most important questions about LeBron James and the Miami Heat’s 2012 NBA Championship victory:

1. Will LeBron win six more, so he can be better than Michael Jordan? And
2. Why were Jesus and God blatantly interfering in LeBron’s previous games?

Number two has a less obvious answer, but watching Jesus goaltend and God flatten LeBron like a bug for traveling driving the lane is fun to watch without having to know why. Other highlights include a pretty accurate depiction of the Oklahoma City Thunder standing around like bowling pins, Michael Jordan’s M. Bison laugh and Kevin Durant having lightning powers.

Video is below. Stick around until the end for maximum Carol.

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Marisa Miller Is Going On A Little Vacation

Written by Ashley Burns / 06.21.12

There's no more laying on her stomach in the near future.

One of the absolute silliest debates that I’ve ever heard is the blogger bro vs. blogger bro Civil War of Kate Upton vs. Marisa Miller. For me that’s like arguing air vs. water, because we need both to live, damn it. Would you argue your mother against your father? Lobster Dog vs. Douche Dog? Channing Tatum vs. Chet Haze? No! You wouldn’t argue any of these things, because they are all equally important to us.

Now, while so many people have fought this worthless fight, it appears that it has all been for naught. According to US Weekly, Miller has apparently thrown her whole career away.

The supermodel, 33, and her husband, record producer Griffin Guess, 32, are expecting their first child, her rep confirms to Us Weekly. Miller is due late fall.

That is, unless you’re into pregnant women, in which case Upton loses.

If you’re unfamiliar with Guess, he looks like this, so there’s hope for so many of us yet. But we offer our congrats to the happy couple on this new addition to their family with this tribute to page views the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model and NFL spokesperson who stole our hearts so many, many times.

(For best viewing results, please open this song in another window.)

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Kate Upton Is The Worst At Denial

Written by Ashley Burns / 03.23.12

Back in December, we brought you the horrifying news that 2011 With Leather Celebrity Sports Fan of the Year and Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue cover model Kate Upton was rumored to be dating New York Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez. And it all made sense – Upton’s sister works for the Jets so she gets Kate free tickets to games and Sanchez can’t get enough of teenage girls.

Of course, other rumors have come and gone – Sanchez and Kim Kardashian, Upton and Tim Tebow, Sanchez and Kirstie Alley, Upton and me. For the sake of disclosure, I may have made two of those up right now. However, this 4-month old rumor was seemingly laid to rest, but that didn’t stop Ellen DeGeneres from digging up the corpse on her show yesterday.

Meanwhile, Upton is staying coy over a reported romance with American football player Mark Sanchez.

When questioned about the New York Jets player on the Ellen DeGeneres Show, she conceded he was ‘cute’.

She said: ‘Yeah, he is cute. I’ve met him. My sister works for the Jets. And she’s been working there for four years. So, I went to all the games.

‘I met him briefly.’ (Via the Daily Mail)

Obviously we can all smell the bullsh*t a mile away, as if it’s a delightful lilac and cinnamon fragrance, or what I imagine Upton’s hair smells like when she’s asleep. But I appreciate With Leather’s First Lady for carrying on this discretion for the sake of us dorks.

Oh by the way, did you know that Upton is the new face of Skullcandy earphones? It’s true, and she helped advertise them in the best way possible – by wearing very little.

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Kate Upton Makes Mexico A Better Place

Written by Ashley Burns / 03.02.12

Homegirl with the sleeves has no idea how lucky she is.

With Leather’s 2011 Celebrity Fan of the Year and, much less importantly, Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue cover model Kate Upton is down in Mexico City for the Liverpool Fashion Fest, and that seems strange to me, because when I think of Liverpool I imagine England, and when I think of Mexico I think of the exact opposite of fashion. But hey, who am I to argue?

Upton appeared at the Liverpool Interlomas Department Store yesterday, and I don’t know why exactly – other than she’s KATE-F*CKING-UPTON and she can do whatever she wants – so I’m going to assume that she’s on a global tour to show everyone how hot they should be. That’s why she took a moment to pose with these Mexican girls and give all girls hope that one day they too can be perfect.

Spoiler alert: Nope.

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