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Links

Rob Gronkowski and Matt Light Partied After Last Night’s Super Bowl Loss - I don’t know Gronk personally, but I assume “play football” and “party” are his only two speeds. This is how he expresses sadness. [Brobible]

M.I.A.’s Middle Finger: A Synthetic Scandal - Here’s an idea: if a “mere apology” isn’t enough to make the PTC happy, stop apologizing to the PTC. [Warming Glow]

Nicki Minaj Slowed Down = Jay-Z - The best part of the halftime show was watching Minaj bug her eyes out repeatedly and try so hard not to be the center of attention. [High Definite]

Eric Rosado Presents “Sh*t Knicks Fans Say” - I wanted to make a “Sh*t Indians Fans Say” so With Leather could get a little traffic, but “we didn’t sign anybody” and “Jason Kipnis is pretty good!” don’t make an entertaining video. [Smoking Section]

Clint Eastwood’s Super Bowl Comercial Contradicting His Political Beliefs? - What about that time he shot a guy with a gun in the old west? Would he shoot someone in real life? Has he ever even lived in the old west? [Moviefone]

Extended Version Of Avengers Super Bowl Trailer Is Here, Sort Of Reveals Who’s In Loki’s Army - I hope there’s a plot point explaining why they undid all the good of Captain America’s 1940s costume and gave him that Morphsuit looking number. [Gamma Squad]

The new Spider-Man looks like a giraffe, wears track shoes - And speaking of bad super hero looks, I hope Spidey can see the Lizard through those pools of urine on his face. [Film Drunk]

The Best Of #Step Brothers - I swear, I’m so pissed off at my mom. As soon as she’s of age, I’m putting her in a home. [UPROXX]

Derpy Louisiana Congressman John Fleming Thinks The Onion Publishes Real News - This is Literally Unbelievable! I hope he never sees the story about the black neighborhood terrorized by an ask murderer. [UPROXX]

18 Jaw Dropping Photos Of Europe’s Deadly Winter - Click here for 23 jaw dropping photos from Bananarama’s Cruel Summer. [Buzzfeed]

SXSW Comedy Podcast Lineup Announced - Awesome, I can finally challenge the Sklar Brothers to a duel with swords. I don’t care, I’ll take them on at the same time, I bet they don’t even know how to use swords. [HuffPost Comedy]

15 of the World’s Weirdest Marriages, ‘I Now Pronounce You… What?!’ - I said “Chuck and Larry”. What, can you not hear me? [The FW]

Why Abed and Troy from Community are the Best Geeks on TV - The Big Bang Theory is the minstrel show of this generation. We need more shows about uncool people who actually exist. [Unreality]

Links

College Football’s Top 50 Plays Of 2011 - I did a version of this list, but when I was done I noticed it contained 35 Tim Tebow plays. Yes, part of me still thinks of Tim Tebow as a college football player, sort of how I still think all my ex-girlfriends are nice people. [High Definite]

“The Ride” – Review Of Drake’s Take Care - What a terrible record. Indianapolis Colts. [Smoking Section]

Joe Clark Is Pissed: “Lean On Me” Actor Busted With 200 Pounds Of Weed - BUY THE WEED, SON. COME ON, DO IT. DO IT EXPEDITIOUSLY. [Smoking Section]

It Was Bound to Happen: ‘Fear Factor’ Incest - This is easily the hottest Fear Factor has ever been. It should just be porn fears now, like to win money you have to get Brazzer’d in the chest for 5 minutes. [Warming Glow]

Bisexual Amber Heard urges other Hollywood stars to come out of the closet. With a helpful picture of how this might be achieved - Amber Heard and Chaz Bono walk the same road, except Amber’s is covered with rose petals and lined with people going OH GOD AMBER HEARD YOU ARE SO PRETTY AND GREAT even if what she does is exclusively terrible. You have an awesome life, Amber Heard. [FARK]

The Internet’s 10 Best Ron Swanson Tributes Of 2011 - Give me all the Ron Swanson tributes you have. [UPROXX]

Foo Fighters Concert Causes Minor Earthquake Tremors In New Zealand - Why’d you have to go and let them die? [UPROXX]

Official Amazing Spider-Man Site Is Go - Where are you when we need you most, Wizard Magazine? Spider-Man’s urine eyes are worrying me. [Gamma Squad]

The Golden Globe Nominations are… kind of great? - Hugo for Best Picture. It’s like that other movie about silent film, but not up its own asshole. [Film Drunk]

The 30 Most Important Cats Of 2011 - I refuse to believe my cat isn’t on here somewhere. [Buzzfeed]

10 Adorable Videos of Animals Using iPads - Again, my cat should be on here somewhere, although I guess lying on an iPad isn’t “using” it. [The FW]

Response Piece: Ten Subtle Ways to Tell Him that His Penis is Too Small - TT_TT [Pajiba]

Nightmares. Nightmares.

Links

The 10 Freakiest Commercials of 2011 - That ‘Dead Island’ announcement trailer really is fantastic, and I wish any part of the actual game was as good as it. Also, I want somebody to make a Skyrim trailer like this with a guy taking an arrow in the knee in reverse, ending with him as an adventurer like me. [Warming Glow]

The Robert Downey Jr. Acting Venn Diagram - I feel like Chaplin should be in here somewhere. [UPROXX]

This Week in Posters: Battleships, Ghost Riders, & Spider-Men - The funniest thing I’m going to see all week is another goddamn Spider-Man origin story advertised as “untold”. Starving kids in Africa know Spider-Man’s origin, just shut up and make him fight Electro. [Film Drunk]

Four Theories on Why the Internet Has Such a Massive Almost Unexplainable Crush on Alison Brie - Nice science, Pajiba. She’s a gorgeous woman who seems nice and she has big boobs, end of experiment. [Pajiba]

Observe The Phanatic In Its Natural Habitat - I didn’t want this to get bumped completely off the page yet, because it’s one of the best things I’m ever going to share with you. [With Leather]

Before Hollywood Ruins Them: 15 Sci-Fi and Supernatural Scripts On The 2011 Black List - Somebody throw Seven Hill City on there, I’ve almost convinced people to just come film it guerrilla style in Austin. [Gamma Squad]

Waka Flocka On Wiz Khalifa’s Success: “All Hype” - Also, payola. [Smoking Section]

Christina Hendricks Is Johnnie Walker’s New Internet Sales Rep - hey christina, your boobs would look a lot better if you didn’t smash them against your chest and throttle yourself with them [UPROXX]

Stop Whatever You’re Doing And Watch This Video Of Dogs Hanging Out Of Car Windows - Seriously, do that. [UPROXX]

The 45 Best Mugshots Of 2011 - The 100 Best Buzzfeed Lists Of Things That Happened In 2011 2011. [Buzzfeed]

OCD Dog Hates When Kitchen Cabinets Are Left Open - I need this dog, I’ve got some Sixth Sense shit happening in my house. [The FW]

7 Things to Watch for From the Golden Globe and SAG Nominations - #1: whether or not anybody actually watched Hugo, because it is better than anything being nominated. [Moviefone]

A Gallery of Classic 8-Bit Mashups from Drew Wise - He’s the guy that designed the potato chips bags! [Unreality]

Gross song lyric, Chad.

Links

Nickelback Feels Your Hate And Is Desperately Trying To Win You Over, Internet - “Not making any more music” and “giving me lots of money” are the only two ways I’m going to back Nickelback. [UPROXX]

Grantland Network Podcast: The Masked Man on WWE Survivor Series - David Shoemaker gets a big leagues wrestling podcast, and I’m lucky enough to appear on the first ever episode. Does this mean I’m friends with Bill Simmons by proxy? [Grantland]

The Best And Worst Of WWE Raw 11/21 - Hey, go read this and comment on it if you haven’t already. It was good this week. Also, that picture of AJ = holy crap. [With Leather]

The NBA Lockout Is Hurting Prostitution - A joke about LeBron James going to the Miami Heat. Also, less a horrible statement about black people and more a horrible statement about rich people. [Smoking Section]

Errol Morris’s JFK Assassination Short: The Umbrella Man - Gates of Heaven is one of my very favorite movies of all time, so I’ll watch anything Errol Morris does, even if it’s about the goddamn Kennedy assassination again. [Film Drunk]

Want Some Amazing Spider-Man Set Photos? - Sure. Are these the ones where Bryce Dallas Howard is suddenly Gwen Stacy again? [Gamma Squad]

Gordon Ramsay’s Sex Advice - Sex advice from the only person in the world I’d like to have sex with less than Guy Fieri. [Warming Glow]

15 Songs You Always Knew, But Never Knew The Names Of - This is a really fun list, but some are too easy. Like I’m not going to know something that was from 2001 AND was Ric Flair’s entrance theme. Also, “Powerhouse” by Raymond Scott (aka “cartoon assembly line music”) needs to be on the list. [Buzzfeed]

And Now, Some Thanksgiving Stuff

The Shocking Truth About Thanksgiving - Like a Dave Barry column written by the Internet. [Adult Swim]

8 Wacky Presidential Turkey Pardon Moments - If I were President, all I’d do is pardon turkeys. We’d go to war and I couldn’t participate because I’m busy printing out all this bullsh*t paperwork about holiday joshing. [The FW]

What Is The Greatest Thanksgiving Movie Of All Time? - My kneejerk response was “Planes, Trains and Automobiles?” and thank God I was right. Great holiday movies should also be great every-other-day movies. [FARK]

Top 10 Reasons Why Thanksgiving Eve Is the Best Bar Night of the Year - I’m sad I didn’t completely Tucker Max my life and get into bar culture, I feel like I’m missing out on a whole avenue of writer sadness. [BroBible]

Thanksgiving Food Pyramid - My personal Thanksgiving food pyramid goes “canned cranberry sauce, Tofurky roast, that one brand of vegan macaroni and cheese that doesn’t taste like somebody barfed on a plastic tray”. [High Definite]

The St. Louis Cardinals won the World Series. More importantly, I found out that Jim Thome autographs the Halloween candy he hands out.

That’s a Jim Thome signed Kit Kat, shared with Dugout co-founder Jon Bois by @bretwallin, and it’s right behind “that time he dressed as Paul Bunyan” on the list of things Jim Thome has done in real life to pull him closest to our fictional depiction of him here. The only way it could get better is if he accidentally kills something by petting it too hard.

Halloween was two days ago, sure, but this is the reason it should happen every day. Today’s Dugout follows.

Read the rest of this entry »

Links

An All-’Simpsons’ Channel? Woo-hoo! - I know everybody’s into streaming and not having to move to access their media, but this is why owning seasons 1-8 on DVD is awesome. I don’t need a network, and unless I accidentally click on a clip show, I don’t ever get a bad episode. [Warming Glow]

Trey Parker & Matt Stone Detail How They Went Viral Before Going Viral Was Cool On 60 Minutes - Detailing it on 60 Minutes is a hilarious statement about growing older. Maybe in a couple of years they can show up to sing a song on A Prairie Home Companion. |UPROXX|

The Best Of #Boardwalk Empire - Between this and “Community” (and to a lesser extent, “90210″) I want “The Wire” to be back on television so bad. [UPROXX]

Anne Hathaway In The Full Catwoman Suit - The Dark Knight Cashes In doesn’t look great so far, but I’m sure it’ll be fine. I hope Judd Winick gets put in charge of part 4. And that part 4 goes straight to Cinemax. [Gamma Squad]

Justin Bieber Rented Out The Staples Center to Watch Titanic - Bieber is basing his grandest gestures on dark ages Adam Sandler comedies. Maybe Selena Gomez will get brain damage and forget she knows him every day. [Film Drunk]

You Know You’re Drunk When… - If you see the phrase “say no to crack” and it reminds you to PULL YOUR JEANS UP, you might be a drunk [Buzzfeed]

10 Nerdiest Objects in the Office on ‘The IT Crowd’ - Thanks to British television, this show only ran for 20 minutes before it ended and was canonized. [FARK]

9 Great Singers Who Can Also Act - “Can act” is pretty vague. Anybody “can act”, but acting and being good at acting are two very different things. Also, does Donald Glover count as a singer? “So Fly” is awesome, and Troy is still the best. [Moviefone]

Attack of the Show Interviews Chris Pratt - One day I will host this show, and I will only interview Chris Pratt. [G4TV]

5 Unsexy Reasons You Wouldn’t Want to Be a Male Porn Star - 1 unsexy reason I WOULD want to be a porn star: Allie Sin. Unsexy reason #2, Gianna won’t stop spitting on people. [The Smoking Jacket]

19 Creepy Shipwrecks from Around the World - Question: How many of these run the risk of being Chipwrecked? [Ask Men]

The 10 Biggest Opening Weekends for a Baseball Movie - Here’s every review of Moneyball: “It was good, but slow.” Now, every review from a blogger: “I JOTTED DOWN EVERY INCONSISTENCY IN THIS ‘FEATURE FILM’ AND WILL LIST THEM NOW, #1, OAKLAND DOESN’T EVEN HAVE A TEAM” etc. [Pajiba]

145 Reasons Spider-Man 3 Sucked - Well, that’s thorough. [Unreality]