Spider-Man was always my favorite comic book character growing up. I liked him so much that I spent like, three years justifying Spider-Man 3. Healthy Gwen Stacy, man, come on. Since Spidey 3 things have been kinda sad, with Marvel Comics replacing Peter Parker and rebooting everything and never sticking to the stories they write, and the movies are rebooted origin stories over and over. Now Spider-Man is playing basketball against kids, and he’s not even winning.
But no, Andrew Garfield seriously played basketball with kids dressed in his costume from Amazing Spider-Man 2, and that’s awesome. It should be the trailer. Less CGI bad guys, more Spidey not really trying to block shots. (via Guyism)
So in the spirit of “what, why does this exist”, here’s part two in our series exploring the best portraits and worst Jungle Book-related bondage photoshoppery of DeviantArt.com. If you missed last week’s piece, DeviantArt is a place where people get together to tell each other that the pictures they cobbled together of naked manga characters kickboxing in the jungle are “so creative”.
What you’ll find inside: A few good drawings, a few bad ones, Brooklyn Decker as a giantess (and a clown) and a thing where someone made it look like Brooklyn was giving herself a wedgie. Tread lightly, folks.
This is a New Jersey Devils fan’s worst nightmare. The Kings blow out your team in an absolute display of Milhouse In Goal to win Lord Stanley’s Cup, and instead of treating it with reverence (or at least leveraging it for extra stripper time) the team captain takes it home, drops it off in his yard and lets his kids wear superhero jammies and drink Pediasure out of it. And not even drink it, they’re just playing with it.
On Tuesday morning, the Cup was in [Dustin] Brown’s backyard and it was his kid’s turn to take a drink out of the bowl. No, there weren’t any alcohol beverages. Instead, Brown’s two boys, Jake and Mason, took the opportunity to do what we all did as kids: blow bubbles while drinking chocolate milk.
Good to know Dustin Brown is raising his own Hank and Dean Venture. One of them needs Aquaman pajamas.
In all seriousness, this is one of the reasons why the Stanley Cup rules and a good example of what you should do when you win it. The only problem comes from all the nasty stories the Cup’s been a part of … do you really want your kids drinking out of something that’s had so many naked lady asses in it?
The best part is that a guy who can create exploding chemistry bombs is getting bossed around by his wife. “That’s it, you’re DONE!” I’d be like, “f**k you, eat a face of death bubbles” and just spread gun that sh*t at her. Via Buzzfeed.
Pot, Meet Kettle: Shaq Calls Dwight Howard Leaving Orlando A “Travesty” - Now he’s got to start insulting peoples’ terrible rap albums and genie movies. [Smoking Section]
20 Most Cromulent ‘Simpsons’ GIFs - I was hoping the Grandpa Simpson “walks in, sees Bart, turns right around and leaves” gif from the Maison Derrière would make the cut. [Warming Glow]
Submit your questions for our first “Ask a Porn Dude,” with Seymour Butts - Two-parter: “Can you get me Shane from Shane’s World’s phone number, and if so, how much would she like to sleep with someone who is extremely nostalgic about her?” [Film Drunk]
The 10 Definitive Nicolas Cage GIFs - It must be weird when 10% of you is a genius, and 90% of you is just AHHH THE BEES NOT THE BEES NOT THE BEES AHGGGHHHH [UPROXX]
International Trailer For The Amazing Spider-Man Shows New Action - Spider-Man battles The Shocker, can’t see him because he’s looking through yellow eyes, gets shocked, dies. [Gamma Squad]
In Case You Were Wondering, Chris Brown Is Still The Absolute Worst - If I could put one fandom on The Magic School Bus and tell Ms. Frizzle to pilot that sh*t into the sun, it would be Team Breezy. [UPROXX]
Shirtless Jeff Goldblum Pretty Much Demanded Jurassic Parks And Rec To Happen - That “I thought it was terrible wine” line still makes me laugh. Everything needs to get mashed up with Jurassic Park. [UPROXX]
Bill O’Reilly To Kate Upton: “Get Off My Lawn!” - Re-linked here to help meet our Kate Upton quota for the day. The best part is that O’Reilly thinks the dancing is what we like about her video. [With Leather]
Ten More GIFs Of Jeremy Lin, The Most Undeniably Exciting Thing In Sports Right Now - The most exciting thing about sports is that pitchers and catchers report this month, but I’ll give it to them, Lin is #2. #3 is slam dunks! [Buzzfeed]
Man Suffers Heart Attack While Eating at Heart Attack Grill - Hold on, I need to put in my monocle before I write about this story. [Popcrush]
11 Crappiest Movies Of Michael Caine’s Career - “Come on, it wasn’t that funny of a movie” has to be this generation’s most damning insult. Also, Cars 2 blew so hard. [Pajiba]
Eight Giant Movie Plot Holes in Eight Images - Some of these are good (the Toy Story one in particular made me go, “ha, oh man, you’re right”) and some aren’t (Star Trek, Jurassic Park). Regardless, it’s something I’d like to see more of. [Unreality]
Nas Tells His Craziest Party Story Ever - “One time when I was chillin’, I grabbed the buddha, got my crew to buy beers, and I watched a flick … of course, I was both illin’ and rooting for the villian. Anyway … huh?” [Brobible]