Back in July of 2011, we posted a video of Spanish golfer Miguel Angel Jimenez’s borderline erotic, hypnotically fascinating warm-up routine. It wasn’t a viral smash (nobody “did the Miguel Angel Jimenez” for a week or anything) but it was a wonderful piece of film to watch. Guy is basically touching his junk to the ground in a squat, playing a sport and smoking a cigar at the same time. Just wonderful.

Now, thanks to some forward-thinking gent at Golf Monthly, comes a head-on look at The Miguel Angel Jimenez, explained from the mouth of the man himself. He does his golf yoga, his “little dancing move” and practically jams a golf club up his ass, and yes, he starts off the clip with a cigar in his hand. If there are three things Miguel Angel Jimenez loves, it’s (1) golf (2) smoking (3) EXTREME LIMBERNESS.

Video is after the jump, if you dare.

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Once upon a time, the more gullible of our ilk could watch television and believe LeBron James sinking full court shots, or Michael Vick having the power to throw a football out of a stadium. Those days are long gone, and all we’re left with is Toronto Raptors and Spanish national team star José Calderón sitting in front of a Kia, moving his arms as terrible-looking CGI basketballs make jokes.

It’s funny that YouTube commenters are already declaring FAKE~! on the clip, which is sorta like screaming FAKE in a movie theater when Catwoman shoots Bane with a motorcycle rocket. These Powerade-esque commercials are supposed to be a demonstration of something impossibly awesome, not of a bored guy on the set of a car commercial missing in shapes. They should’ve just showed some highlights, then drove a car onto the court with a big ALSO HERE IS A KIA across the screen. Anything would’ve been better than those yakkity-sax basketballs.

[h/t Ball Don't Lie]

While people want to turn video of Melissa Tancredi stepping on Carli Lloyd’s head into the next Zapruder film, I think the majority of us can agree that Argentina’s Facundo Campazzo blatantly hitting Carmelo Anthony in the nuts was one of the lowest points of Olympic competition. After all, there’s an unwritten law and a code among men that you should never smack another bro in the gooners unless it’s the absolute last resort. Campazzo did it because Chris Paul allegedly punched him earlier in that game, and that’s pretty much the ultimate bullsh*t excuse. Campazzo still hasn’t apologized to Anthony, but maybe he will apologize to his teammate Luis Scola when someone takes it out on him during an NBA game next season.

But we can stop talking about Campazzo now, because Nicolas Batum took the dick-punching cake today as he and Team France lost to Spain, 66-59. As you can see in the GIF above (Via Buzzfeed Sports) Batum absolutely wailed on Carlos Navarro’s turkey baster. At first I thought, “Well, Batum is probably punching at the ball.” But I was wrong, because Batum is both cheap and honest.

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¡Hasta la vista, brother!

By way of Sportress Of Blogitude come these pictures of Spain’s real, actual 2012 Summer Olympic uniforms, and to say they make the country’s best athletes look like pizza delivery boys or some sort of anthropomorphic kethups and mustards is an understatement.

Designed by Russian firm/old timey cartoon character Bosco, they are a hit with literally no one, especially Spanish Olympic Committee president Alejandro Blanco, a man tasked with coming up with something nice to say and choosing “well, we’re wearing them I guess”.

“The outfits are what we have, we cannot change them now, and were decided upon more than a year and a half ago.”

Field hockey player Alex Fabregas and canoeist (canoeist!) Saul Craviotto tweeted pictures of themselves in their gear and commented “Olympic outfit, there aren’t enough adjectives” and “At home trying on the Olympic clothes. Best I don’t comment, I will leave it up to you” respectively. I don’t know if they followed up the tweets the way they should’ve, because I don’t know what they call Ronald McDonald in Spain.

My theory: when Blanco says the outfits were decided upon “more than a year and a half ago”, he’s telling the truth — they were decided upon in 1994 when pro wrestling legend Hulk Hogan joined World Championship Wrestling. Please compare and contrast the following photos and tell me if I’m wrong.

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His words, not mine.

The first thing you need to know (and if you care, you probably already know) is that Spain skunked Italy 4-0 on Sunday, winning the Euro 2012 trophy and establishing themselves as one of the best soccer teams ever.

In doing so the Spanish also established a record three tournament victories in a row having also triumphed at Euro 2008 and the 2010 World Cup.

We may be witnessing the greatest team in football history, one that threatens to put the Brazilians in the shade. (via The Sun)

The second thing is that part of “success” sounds like “sex”, so when you’re excited and trying to spit out out, you occasionally boast about how Spain’s national team has tons and tons of sex. That’s what happened to BBC’s Alan Shearer, and though he quickly corrected himself I’m moving forward with the image of Spain (as a whole) plowing women so thoroughly and effectively that the British guy in the background just kinda makes an impressed face and gives a thumbs up.

The Freudian slip is blow.

Sorry, below.

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I believe these are African-American Greys.

America may have the best all-around animals in the world – Keyboard Cat, Lobster Dog, Birthday Dog, American Squirrel, and my dog Lilah, among others – but today we are featuring a pet from Spain that may give every animal in the world a run for the title of Coolest Pet Ever.

Meet Berritsu, a simple African Grey upon first glance, but he possesses perhaps every sports fan’s greatest wish – you know, aside from a live-in, large-breasted, bisexual, super model waitress. Berritsu can not only sing the fight song for his owner’s favorite football club, Athletic Club Bilbao, but he also cheers when players score and the team wins.

I actually had an African Grey when I was growing up and I trained it to celebrate every time the Miami Dolphins won a playoff game. Easiest trick ever.

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