Earlier this week it was reported that South Florida Coach Jim Leavitt allegedly grabbed sophomore defensive back Joel Miller by the throat and smacked him in the face twice during halftime of their Nov 21st game vs. Louisville.  Miller went to his former Wharton High School coach, David Mitchell, for guidance.  Mitchell, who is also a deacon, is speaking out and confirming the story as the Hand-to-God truth.

“I would not send a kid where he will be humiliated or mistreated,” Mitchell said. “It [playing for Leavitt] is like knowing someone is considering buying a bad car. You tell them ‘It doesn’t run, it’s no good, don’t buy it.’ If they still decide to, they have to live with that decision. But at least I let them know how bad it was.”–Fanhouse.com

Miller has since changed his story to say he was only grabbed by the shoulder pads to motivate him after he totally F’d up and completely let his team, fans, and entire family and neighborhood down and probably should have been stoned or banished from the community for his special teams mishap.  So either a) he’s afraid of the repercussions of coming forward, as was implied in the first report; or b) he’s a big liar liar pants on fire drama queen who just wants attention.

I don’t really see what the big deal is.  Sometimes those damn kids just don’t do what you want them to do and they deserve to get slapped.  It was just a love tap!  It only hurts because I love you!

The top 3 college football teams of the AP Top 25 are unchanged from last week's poll for the first time since Week 1 of the season.  Finally, we have teams winning games they are supposed to win.  And by the recommended number of points by which they are supposed to defeat their opponents.  Although, Boston College's late comeback over Virginia Tech did cause my left arm to tingle and a copper to taste in my mouth.  The moral of this story is to avoid gambling, sexy readers, for it causes one to participate in despicable practices, like rooting for Jesuit schools.

Anyway, Connecticut, currently ranked #16, cracked the Division I-A Top 25 for the first time in school history.  Wow!  Connecticut has a football team?  Debate still rages whether they have achieved their victories through phantom fair catches or by utilizing disguised female basketball players on the O-line.  Either way, when my brain reverts to its 1993 conception of the college football landscape when I place my drunken parlays next Friday night, I won't remember UConn is good at football now. -KD 

My condolences this morning to the #2-ranked South Florida Bulls, who faltered against Rutgers last night, falling 30-27 in New Jersey.  The Scarlet Knights turned around a heretofore disappointing season behind the running efforts of Ray Rice and a fake field goal that resulted in a touchdown, while the Bulls will most likely suffer a calamitous fall in the rankings compared to the slight stumbles that LSU and Cal took last week.

Even though I'm sad to see that this year's national champion won't be an 11-year-old upstart program from a second-tier conference, I can at least see two silver linings to this cloud: (1) The messier and more fucked-up the BCS situation gets, the higher the probability is that we'll eventually get a playoff system, and (2) if Ohio State continues their undefeated season, we get to watch them get their ass kicked by an SEC team in the national championship game for the second year in a row.

Yup, that's right: another unnecessary shot at Ohio State.  What are you gonna do about it, Buckeye fans?  Ooh, I fear your witty barbs!  Good luck typing your angry responses with those sausage fingers.

College football is killing me.  Well, at least causing me severe pain.  Two representatives of my local independent businessman just stopped by to tap my patellas with a ball-peen because West Virginia couldn't beat the South Florida last night.  It's a good thing I "borrowed" all that morphine from that oncology nurse I used to date.  Anyway, let's celebrate this minor upset with a body painter: 

Other than the obvious, there are 3 ways you can tell this astute scholar has been over-served:

1. He's painted green and yellow, and it's not March 17th.
2. Everyone knows sober Floridians don't smoke.
3. He's hitting on the fat chicks. -KD