Robert Mennen is an Australian cyclist just trying to finish stage one of South Africa’s Cape Epic race without running over any antelope at almost 40 mph and almost killing himself. Key word here is “trying.” These races should, I don’t know, build a fence around the route or something if they’re going to bike through the wilderness and don’t want to accidentally slaughter any beasts between point A and point B. (via Reddit)

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Links

A GIF Guide To Picking Your Favorite ‘Spring Breaker’ |UPROXX|

He Remembers Me!: The Most Memorable Animal Appearances On ‘Archer’ |Warming Glow|

‘Dead’ deer wakes up in car, runs from cops in real-life Tommy Boy scene |Film Drunk|

Vince McMahon And Dana White Are Definitely Probably Not Going To Fake Fight For Real |With Leather|

The Best (Dumbest) Nerd-Themed ‘YouTube Reacts’ Videos |Gamma Squad|

A Journalist’s Guide To Being The Subject Of A Feature Interview |Smoking Section|

Eli Manning Always Wanted A Spinning Bedroom |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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Hey, everybody, Happy Valentine’s Day.

Remember Oscar Pistorius, the South African sprinter and double-amputee who participated in the 2012 Summer Olympics and once beat a horse in a footrace? Yeah, he murdered his girlfriend today. As the story goes, he mistook her for a home invader and shot her. Uh, four times.

Paralympic superstar Oscar Pistorius was charged Thursday with the murder of his girlfriend who was shot inside his home in South Africa, a stunning development in the life of a national hero known as the Blade Runner for his high-tech artificial legs.

Reeva Steenkamp, a model who spoke out on Twitter against rape and abuse of women, was shot four times in the predawn hours in the house, in a gated community in the capital, Pretoria, police said. (via ESPN)

One of the worst things about the murder (you know, besides somebody being f**king murdered) is that Steenkamp’s last words to the Internet were cheeky affirmations of how awesome Valentine’s Day is and an Instagram about how you shouldn’t be violent towards women. Cajun touched on that on our main page earlier today.

I don’t really know what to say. It’s a tragedy. It’s stupid.

Because we are contractually obligated to never do Twitter Reacts! posts again, I decided to find 10 Huffington Post comments section comments that totally and unbelievably missed the point, each in their own special little way. Consider it a reference guide. If you’re about to type something about Oscar Pistorius that reads like one of the following comments, just backspace it until it is gone forever.

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Aside from Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte, most of us would be hard pressed to name another Olympic swimmer, especially those from other countries, because USA! and all that patriotic jazz. But over in South Africa, gold medal swimmer Chad le Clos is the bee’s knees to all the kids, because he took home top the gold in the 200m butterfly, as well as a silver in the 100m butterfly. Whether or not he’s wearing sleeveless leather vests and hanging out with Jersey Shore cast members is still a mystery to me.

Chad had some people concerned, though, when he arrived late to Dubai this week for the 2012 Fina/Arena Swimming World Cup. What the hell, bro? Why were you late to this huge event? It’s cool, he was just making a young girl’s dream come true by attending her high school dance.

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Before Nelson Mandela became the first South African president elected in a fully representative democratic election, he was an amateur heavyweight boxer, so it makes sense that he’d follow boxing closely and have some fights organized for his birthday party. It also makes sense that Floyd Mayweather Jr. versus Manny Pacquiao is pro boxing’s Myth of Sisyphus and that anyone attempting to organize it would repeat forever the same meaningless task of pushing a boulder up a mountain, only to see it roll down again.

From TMZ.com, who had to google “Nelson Mandela” before reporting this to make sure he wasn’t Kendall Jenner’s new boyfriend:

Nelson Mandela’s daughter just lost a $7.5 million battle in court — because that’s how much a judge ordered her to pay an L.A. boxing promoter … after she allegedly flaked on a deal to organize a Pacquiao/Mayweather fight.

TMZ broke the story … a guy named Duane Moody sued Nelson’s daughter Zindziswa Mandela for $7.5 million earlier this year — claiming she hired him to organize a Pacquiao/Mayweather bout for her father’s birthday … but ultimately flaked on the deal … and the fight never materialized.

The gist is that they expected the fight to bring in $100 million and Moody was promised 15% of the cut, but Zindziswa Mandela is apparently a person on the Internet in 2011, promised something, then just tried not to mention it again in the hopes that you’d forget about it or be too socially non-confrontational to bring it up.

Moody says Mandela is “hiding in South Africa” to avoid her obligations in the U.S. Mandela’s reps say they plan to challenge the judgment. Meanwhile, Floyd Mayeather is going to jail for 90 days for using his girlfriend’s head as a speedbag and Pacquiao is off somewhere leading a dream life where he gets to unsafely hook up with Paris Hilton and record tender Dan Hill covers.

I think the message here is to be less like Nelson Mandela and more like Manny Pacquiao.

If there’s one thing we don’t cover enough on this blog, it’s the International Ice Hockey Federation Division III Championships. That’s about to change thanks to Israel’s Eliezer Sherbatov†. The 19-year old capped off a six-point game against Greece during the D-III championships in April in South Africa with one of the coolest shots I’ve ever seen — and one I would’ve seen months ago if International Hockey uploaded highlights without an 80-day delay. Who do they think they are, Major League Baseball?

In case you’re at work and can’t view YouTube videos (because you sold you), Sherbatov breaks all eight of the Greek goalie’s ankles by scooping the puck up between his legs, then tapping it in over the poor guy’s shoulder in mid-air. It was some wonderful hockey amalgamation of Mr. Perfect’s behind-the-back towel toss and Isiah Rider’s East Bay Funk Dunk, and if I could do anything requiring this much hand-eye and total body coordination I would start jumping from high things and trying to fly.

Hopefully we’ll be seeing a lot more of this kid, who deserves at least a Daily Motion-level of exposure. In addition to skating for the Israeli national team, he plays for something called Baie-Comeau Drakkar, which is either a Quebec Major Junior Hockey League team or a character from Twilight.

[h/t Puck Daddy]

† Dugout screen name either “EliezerDoolittle” or “SheWorkSherbatov”

Look out, dude who threw waffles at a Toronto Maple Leafs game. You’ve just been one-upped by an angry South African footie fan. The worst part? The porridge-thrower isn’t in trouble as much as the actual team.
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