I don’t know what my fascination is with Russia lately, but between dogs that fetch vodka, a billionaire’s wife, statues made of poop, Kate Upton doppelgangers and 23-year old models in bikinis running down the street, I am sold. Looks like we lost the Cold War, folks. Hell, even that fat guy in a Speedo can dance better than the dance instructor that he’s sort of mocking. It’s just a great week for Russians.

Alas, it’s a bad week for UFC fans, as we don’t have any child po… er, I mean mixed martial arts to watch. Sorry, I was channeling my inner Steve Hickey there. That guy loves talking about child pornography. So what shall we do instead? Well, I’m gonna go sit ringside at this Chikara event tomorrow night in Orlando, while you all can watch this stuff…

Read the rest of this entry »

Sorry ladies, but Jared Allen is off the market. The 6-foot-6 Minnesota Vikings defensive end recently married the luckiest woman on the planet (totally a hetero man crush, I promise) and the newlyweds spent some time in Italy for their honeymoon. Allen spilled the beans about his exploits to Dan Patrick and it’s as awesome as you would expect it to be. Mainly because it didn’t feature one mention of Brett Favre. Just kidding.

Allen talked about everything from his wedding song to Favre declining to attend his wedding (*cough* d*ckhead *cough*) but the best details regarded his poolside attire while lounging with his wife in the Amalfi Coast of Italy. He claims he wore his Vikings jersey, except with some modifications – basically, he made it into a cutoff. And he wore a Speedo.

Time for some manscaping, Sports Illustrated:

Read the rest of this entry »

In honor of the awesomeness that is the Stanley Cup Finals, let us turn our eyes to another form of hockey: underwater hockey, also called Octopush.  The sport is popular in the U.K. and several college campuses, two places that are famous for generating terrible ideas.

As you can surely see, there are some obvious problems with the sport, as it has retained none of the violence of its ice-skating parent.  Personally, I think if the sport's advocates want to grow the fan base, it'll need to look a lot more like that underwater fight scene in Thunderball, with mask-pulling, diving knives, and harpoon guns.  Or hell, at least put some sharks in the water.  They can even be little sharks, as long as they're hungry.