Pittsburgh’s 96.1 KISS FM Morning Freak Show, hosted by Mikey and Big Bob, responded to a Twitter rumor yesterday that Pittsburgh Penguins star Sidney Crosby is dating country-turned-pop star Taylor Swift. Normally, I’d be like, “Stupid morning radio bros startin’ poop with awful photoshops” but not this time, because this rumor totally seems like it could be true.

For example, Swift is playing at the Amway Center tonight in my beloved Bethlehem of the meth belt, Orlando, and I wouldn’t even flinch if someone walked up to me in a strip club and said, “Hey I heard Sidney Crosby’s in town because Taylor Swift is playing a show tonight” because she has a different boyfriend every week. In fact, I’m shocked that she hasn’t dated Crosby yet. Hell, any pro athlete for that matter.

So because it’s eventually going to happen, and Swift will break up with whichever athlete she gets her talons on (please be Tebow, please be Tebow…) and then she’ll write an entire album about him, I took the liberty of writing her first hit single off that album.

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After becoming the first British man to win a Grand Slam breakfast title in 76 years, Andy Murray is just about the hottest name in all of sports right now. In fact, after he defeated Novak Djokovic to win the 2012 U.S. Open, Murray should be neck deep in British WAG cleavage for his incredible feat, but it turns out that he’s had a girlfriend for a pretty long time, and he’s doing pretty well for himself.

But now comes the fun part for Murray, as he gets to do the whole media tour and be adored by everyone across Europe, and especially his home country of Scotland. Hell, Murray could probably demand that Sean Connery un-retire from acting to finally make us that League of Extraordinary Gentlemen sequel that we’ve all been begging for, and he’d have to because Murray is the most powerful man in the United Kingdom right now.

He’s also pretty popular in the U.S. because our men’s tennis players suck and we steal everything great from the U.K. so I’m going to go ahead and say that Murray is American. With that, American tennis champion Andy Murray stopped by Late Night with Jimmy Fallon the other night, and he was serenaded with his own awesome victory song by The Roots.

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It’s been a while since I’ve checked in on Houston rapper Riff Raff, and this is hardly breaking news, but every once in a while it’s fun to stare at a warehouse fire in complete awe. If you’re unfamiliar with Mr. Raff, he got his start on the MTV dating reality series “From G’s to Gents”. Since then, he’s become quite the YouTube star, with his freestyle rap videos racking up tens of thousands of hits. Honestly, I can only wonder, “WHY???”

But some people love the guy, as evidenced by those YouTube hits, Soulja Boy’s eagerness to sign Mr. Raff to his label, his unusual friendship with Simon Rex and Andy Milonakis, and the fact that James Franco will emulate his style and look in the film Spring Breakers. And the reason I bring him up today is because someone recently mentioned one of videos on Twitter and, just like the last time I looked this clown up, I found myself watching all of his videos again.

One of Riff Raff’s common themes appears to be sports references, like his songs “Tiger Woods” (featuring Justin Bieber’s more punchable doppelganger) and “Larry Bird“. But I prefer this video for his song “Jose Conseco” the most, both as an anthem for hater-blocking and because he misspelled our favorite Twitter troll’s name.

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