Further proving how uncool I am, I only recently figured out that when people on Reddit were saying “TIL” they meant “Today I Learned” and not “Tuesday is Lamers” – amiright 9-to-5ers? So now to make up for being such a square, I use it as much as I possibly can. And TIL that dudes and bros in Afghanistan have a long love affair with bodybuilding competitions.

The country hosted its annual Mr. Afghanistan competition over the weekend, and men of all ages gathered to show off their physiques as a means of continuing a tradition that began decades ago, when young Afghan men would lift weights simply to intimidate their Soviet oppressors. But even when the country was under Taliban rule, body building was allowed, because those dicks thought it was funny.

“The Taliban used to come and laugh at us when we struck our poses,” said Khyal Ahmad, a 28-year-old member of the national team who had come to watch, and even through a layer of clothing was obviously one of the strongest people at the gym. “After the Taliban left,” he said, “the pants came off.” (Via HuffPo)

Sexiest quote ever posted on With Leather? I think so.

They also spray each other down, so they’re greased up and bronzed and now you can tell people: “TIL there are d-bags everywhere.”

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More than 1,000 readers of Heat magazine – which I’ve never heard of but assume is an anti-air conditioning publication – have decided that People magazine is full of doodies, for lack of a more mature term. Three months ago, People declared that actor Bradley Cooper was the Sexiest Man Alive, which infuriated a legion of fans devoted to actor Ryan Gosling and his attractiveness. Thankfully, someone is pointing out that it’s all a load of mung.

For starters, I’m tired of bloggers being excluded from these lists. We’re sexy people, too, dammit. But more importantly, it’s time that athletes started getting some attention over these namby-pamby actors, and the readers of Heat agree. They’ve declared that David Beckham is the sexiest man in the world, and everyone else is just his trash.

The rest of the Top 25 looks a little something like this…

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In case you weren’t aware, despite being a world famous soccer superstar, David Beckham is also apparently good looking. At least, they say, he’s good looking enough to be a model – which is still way below being handsome enough to blog – so he’s spent a little time flashing his briefs for Armani in the past. Now, though, he’s showcasing a bulge for his own brand new line of men’s underwear, “Bodywear”, created by H&M.

Compare the idea of selling banana hammocks to hipster men with team sports, won’t you David?

“Working with a team has always been a key part of my life and I found that to be the same when developing this range. Collectively with my design team we spent time working on the feel, fit and style to ensure the product is not only something I would wear but one which I would be proud to put my name to. I always want to challenge myself and this was such a rewarding experience for me. I’m very happy with the end result and I hope H&M’s male customers will be as excited as I am.”

(Via my good buddy Andrea at Zap 2 It)

From the looks of the ad photos after the jump, Beckham is VERY excited. Also, when he gets excited it looks like he has a box of cereal in his pants. Not like I looked at his bulge or anything. I mean, GRRRRRRRR CHAIN MAIL BOXER BRIEFS!!!

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Prior to joining the Atlanta Falcons as a free agent this season, defensive end Ray Edwards seemed like he was poised to become a breakout star in the NFL, as he posted back-to-back 8 sack seasons with the Minnesota Vikings. But despite his lackluster 2 sacks this season, Edwards has still been a breakout star in other regards. For instance, back in May he became a two-sport star when he launched his boxing career with a four-round win over T.J. Gibson. And despite being contractually obligated to at least one more fight, the Falcons still gave Edwards a 5-year deal.

Yet neither boxing nor the NFL really show us what Edwards is all about. At least not as much as his latest love – modeling. Edwards recently posed for his own slab of man meat calendar and let’s just say that he likes to show off his bulge. I think that’s the nicest way I can put it. He also likes to show off his girlfriend – and exotic dancer – LaStarya Thompson, who recently posed with her man for the above portrait –by sports artist Gabe Richesson – to celebrate their love.

Order your prints now or just wait for the sex tape.

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If ever there was an argument against universal health care, perhaps it’s the story of Paul Mason, a British man who currently weighs in at approximately 420-pounds. But Mason’s original claim to fame was the title of the World’s Fattest Man, a feat that was once recognized by the Guinness Book of World Records when the bloke weighed a ridiculous 980-pounds. That’s whole lotta fish n’ chips, guvna.

But good for him, right? After all, it must take a lot of incredibly hard work and $5 dollar footlongs to shed 560-pounds. Of course not, because Mason took the easy road and had gastric bypass surgery last year. Now here’s the fun part – Mason’s surgery cost about $47,000 and the government’s National Health Service footed the bill. In all, Mason’s surgeries have cost taxpayers roughly $1.5 million and he wants the government to continue to pay for every last nip and tuck, including fat fold removals.

Following surgery which reduced his weight to 37 stone by the beginning of 2011, Mason was reportedly set to sue the NHS, not for any complications with the operation but because he blamed the NHS for not helping him control his weight. According to the Daily Mail, Mason said “I want to set a precedent so no one else has to get to the same size.” Instead of taking personal responsibility for his weight gain Mason believed the NHS was at fault for sending him to a dietitian rather than an eating disorder specialist.

(Via the Digital Journal, via the HuffPo.)

See, this is the drawback to world records. As much as I love to draw attention to ridiculous people and competitive events, they still give guys like Mason undeserved fame. And now to make matters worse, this convicted felon – he used to be a mailman but was busted for stealing money from people’s private letters – wants to act like he’s the champion of lard asses.

So I have a solution that benefits all of us – Guinness can still award people the titles of Fattest Man and Fattest Woman, but the record keepers will also allow people like me to have a bigger platform with which to make fun of them. I’m thinking a huge roast. Mainly so I can say, “A huge roast. You’d like that, wouldn’t you, you fat f*ck.”

David Beckham and his son Brooklyn, who probably already has a line of groupies as long as the Autobahn what with his lavish birthday parties at Harry Potter’s castle, hit the beach in Malibu last week and, well, there’s not much you can really say about Beckham that hasn’t been said before. Despite having a voice that could shatter diamonds, Becks is considered pretty fun to look at by the ladies, so I thought we’d take a trip out to Malibu to please our lady girls.

I’m not sure I really understand the hat in the water look, as water tends to shrink and warp hats, but I suppose when you’re worth more money than whatever god they worship in England, you probably have a separate bank account just for hats. Either that or he’s going bald. In fact, if I were bitter and self-conscious, I would totally start a rumor that Becks is not only going bald, but it’s because he has to take excessive amounts of testosterone on a daily basis to battle his body’s naturally high estrogen level. Also, he pays homeless men to wrestle him in grease and they yank it out a lot.

You know, if I were bitter. But since I’m not, let’s see what was going on at the beach with Becks and the kids.

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