Last year, Milwaukee Brewers left fielder Ryan Braun tested positive for an abnormally high level of testosterone and he was subsequently suspended for 50 games under Major League Baseball’s strict PED policies. But then a funny thing happened along the way to the laboratory – Braun’s urine samples were mishandled, rendering the league’s entire case against him moot on a technicality, and Braun’s suspension was lifted. The system that commissioner Bud Selig has relied on heavily to bandage the deep wounds of public perception caused by decades of drug abuse and league indifference had been defeated.

We’ll never know whether or not Braun was actually guilty of using PEDs, because if he did, then he’d presumably be wise enough to never use them again; if he didn’t, then obviously he wouldn’t suddenly start using them. But sports fans don’t operate under the same “innocent until proven guilty” mentality that supposedly serves as the core of the American justice system. Brewers fans continue to stand behind their star slugger, while non-Brewers fans will always label Braun a juicer.

And yes, there is no point in this recap of Braun’s tainted 2012, other than I really wanted to post this “Nice Jewish Guys” calendar and Braun’s the first guy I think of when someone mentions Jewish athletes. It used to be Robbie Gould, but it turns out that he’s not Jewish. I lost so many good jokes because of that revelation.

While it’s no Sexy Football Managers, and certainly not a Kelly Brook celebration of cleavage, “Nice Jewish Guys” is one of the more enjoyable novelty calendars you’ll see this week. At least your mother will like it.

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Earlier this year, there was a considerable deal of buzz around New York Jets backup QB Tim Tebow inking an endorsement deal with the underwear company Jockey, because the world’s most famous virgin doesn’t exactly sound like the perfect candidate for rocking his bulge. But then the ads started flopping out of the fold – like the one above – and we realized that these were newer, more conservative Jockey ads and Tebow wouldn’t be packing heat in print. This naturally made women very angry.

But dried up lady parts aside, Tebow’s endorsement of Jockey is just another chapter in the company’s long, storied history of relationships with professional athletes. And you can even say that it’s a footnote in the grander marriage between what I am told are attractive male athletes and underwear companies in general. For instance, David Beckham has his deal with H&M and Cristiano Ronaldo captures your eyes with his beef pocket for Armani. The point is that athletes have long loved rocking their ding dongs to sell man panties.

And Jockey has done it better than anyone. Well, I guess “better” isn’t the best word. Jockey has done it more than anyone – that’s more accurate. Because the picture that slapped my eyes and teabagged my brain this morning does not qualify as “better”.

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What David Beckham lacks in soccer playing abilities these days, he more than makes up for in being good-looking, having a ton of money, cultivating a well-rounded family (by all accounts) with his smoking hot wife, and being very, very good-looking. Seriously, there was a point in the 2012 Summer Olympics when Beckham was cheering on England’s Tom Daley and I thought it was going to take a million Kate Uptons to bring me back. But I’ve said too much.

Last year, Beckham introduced his partnership with H+M for its Bodywear underwear line with a series of underwear pictures – met by a few hateful jeers from the soccer community – and it was business as usual. The fact is, David Beckham likes being in his underwear. And now H+M is back with a new campaign and to celebrate that, the company has immortalized Beckham’s bulge in statue form.

You’ve heard of at least one undressed sculpture named “David,” but starting tomorrow, H&M will give Michaelangelo a run for his money with their giant David Beckham statues. (Via NBC New York)

*bowtie spins, helicopters penis*

The statues will be strategically placed in New York, Los Angeles, and San Francisco (now I know why Brandon is in California) and there’s an added cash prize bonus to anyone clamoring to get a picture of the statue.

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On the surface, Skip Bayless seems to have a very easy job – take a stance on a topic and shout louder than the person who is arguing the opposing view. But there’s more to his madness than simply, “I’m right, you’re wrong, Tebow rules.” Bayless has shown time and again that he’s willing to tell everyone that he works his ass off to research and scout each day’s First Take topics, so that when he shouts louder than Stephen A. Smith to prove that he’s right – even though a person is always right if they manipulate enough facts and context to warp logic – he can raise his head high and not hate the person that he actually is.

But I’m not here to shred the man’s integrity or talk about how ESPN’s new debate-first ideology has destroyed the foundation of television sports journalism for the sake of ratings that would exist even if they replaced First Take with Dogs Eating Poop. Nah, ladies. I’m here to point out that even if you don’t like Bayless’ “I’m right, you suck” style of “journalism”, you can’t argue that he was and still is a stone cole poon hound.

Just check out this proof positive of yesteryear from his Facebook page…

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I try to keep the Kellen Lutz news to a minimum here, because 1) He’s not an athlete and ii) Vince is the president of his fan club so he gives us all things Lutz at FilmDrunk, but today’s a big exception because this involves Kate Upton. Upton, who is of course the reigning With Leather Celebrity Sports Fan of the Year, is the new face of the Fall 2012 ad campaign for Dylan George and Abbot + Main, whatever those are.

Lutz, that little rascal, was already the male model for these clothing companies, so he was able to parley that into taking his shirt off and standing next to Upton for that same campaign. The result is me holding a hand over one eye while praying for that last button on Upton’s shirt to suddenly pop off. But then she’d probably just cover up with Lutz’s essential beach cardigan.

I’ll never get fashion.

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Whereas 2011 was a high point in investigative journalism with the Jerry Sandusky and Bernie Fine cases, 2012 is clearly the year of streaker news. Already, our good friend Jon Bois at SB Nation has been keeping incredible track of the baseball season’s early abundance of streakers – most notably in Baltimore – but last night’s game between the Cardinals and Phillies at Busch Stadium marked the pinnacle in the journalistic attention to naked dudes.

Between our other good friend Matt Sebek from Joe Sports Fan and Yahoo! baseball writer Jeff Passan, we were given a clinic on how you cover and investigate a naked man on a baseball field. Thanks to Passan, we know that last night’s Busch streaker is 22-year old Jefferson Cirty landscaper Collin Grundstrom – talk about a Yard Crasher! *slide whistle* – and we also learned that he rushed the field for the most important reason of all – why the f*ck not?

“I’m gonna streak,” he announced at the beginning of the St. Louis Cardinals-Philadelphia Phillies game to those within earshot of Section 133, Row 5, Seat 4. At first, they chuckled. Then they started to believe him. Which was followed by attempts to dissuade him. And ultimate acceptance that, yes, Grundstrom was gonna streak, and it was only a matter of when.

“He was very nonchalant,” said Sheila Welch, a Cardinals fan who sat behind Grundstrom. “I tried to tell him he’d go to jail. He didn’t care. I hope his friend thinks that was awesome.”

The most important aspect of this story – even more important than that incredibly well-taken banner image – is that Grundstrom has a large tattoo across his midsection and Passan also pointed out that it reads: “Hakuna Matata”. It means no worries for the rest of your life, except when a fat security guard is Tazing you.

Video after the jump, via Joe Sports Fan, and while it’s taken from a distance, it is still a naked dude so use your discretion.

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