Today’s CBS Sports interview with Cam Newton features this line, a paragraph unto itself only two paragraphs down, and tells you pretty much everything you need to know.

Maybe that’s who Newton is: A kid in a man’s body.

“Maybe Cam Newton is like a smart-ish dog, but he looks like people.” Cam Newton is a robot, but not a very good one. You get the idea.

You think this thing about Newton (complete with a “Newton’s Theory” headline) is going to be ridiculous enough by itself, but oh, oh no, Cam Newton is always the most ridiculous part of a Cam Newton story. During the lockout, the Carolina Panthers organization sent Cam an Idiot’s Guide to Offense version of their playbook to help him ease into his career as an hilariously over-his-head NFL quarterback. When he got to camp he got a copy of the real playbook — the real playbook featuring a new offense, and he’s got about 40 seconds to learn it. Anyone would have trouble adjusting to that, but Cam was able to express his troubles with a wonderful comparison:

Newton’s head is spinning. Due to the lockout, the Panthers are forced to install a new offense at an accelerated pace. Newton had a playbook during the lockout to study, but he said it was a far cry from what he has now.

“That’s Dr. Seuss compared to doggone Shakespeare,” he said.

I also would’ve accepted “the playbook they sent me was Marmaduke, and this is dad-gum Doonsbury!” It makes you wonder what the book they sent him looked like. I wonder if it was just “throw football” written on a Post-It.

Oklahoma and Connecticut combined for 68 points in the Fiesta Bowl on New Year’s Day. Will we see another high-scoring game, despite the fact that neither team has played in over a month? Here’s what other people are saying…

Oregon has already blasted one top-five opponent this season. The Ducks defeated Stanford 52-31 at Autzen Stadium in Eugene, Ore., on Oct. 2, rolling up 626 yards of offense and scoring 28 points in the second half. If you watched the No. 4 Cardinal demolish No. 13 Virginia Tech 40-12 in the Jan. 3 Discover Orange Bowl, you know the Ducks beat a really good team. –Mark Schlabach, ESPN.

The sham that is big-time college athletics was on full display this week in the Arizona desert, where the Oregon and Auburn faithful gathered by the thousands to dump millions into the state’s tourism economy on behalf of their alma maters. It was all set to conclude Monday night in a spectacle suspiciously reminiscent of a big game the NFL itself will be holding in just a few weeks.

…Here’s hoping Cecil Newton got his money. It’s only right, because everyone else gets theirs. –Tim Dahlberg/AP.

I assume that the point spread drop [to 72] for tonight’s BCS title game means that Vegas suspects Cecil Newton took Oregon and the points? –@TheCajunBoy

Strong Side: [Auburn quarterback Cam Newton is] still eligible to illegally play college football for five more years. Weak Side: Can run and pass but can’t lateral for sh:t. –Onion Sports Network.

I’m picking Oregon to win, because (a) they’re getting a point and a half, and (b) their offense is so unstoppable that Denzel and Chris Pine should be piggy-backing on LaMichael James. And then after tonight, college football will finally be over. I’ll just have to scream at the nearby university kids at the local bars just to stay in practice? They’ll love the attention, anyway.

As it turns out, Wrigley Field isn’t much of a football facility.

For those that missed it, the historic ballpark is actually hosting a college football game tomorrow against Northwestern and Illinois. But since the field doesn’t seem to be big enough for a regulation field, a ruling was handed down from the Big Ten dictating that…well, losers walk.

After seeing the tight configuration required to fit a football field in the home of the Chicago Cubs, James E. Delany, the commissioner of the Big Ten, announced that the teams would run all of their offensive plays in one direction, toward the western end zone. Every time the ball changes hands, the players will be turned around so the action heads west — toward the third-base dugout and away from the right-field wall.

The move followed a number of news reports that questioned whether the tight east-west configuration of the football field at Wrigley might cause an injury. For instance, a corner of the eastern end zone is less than two feet from the wall in the right-field corner, which has been padded for the game. The back of the center of the eastern end zone is six inches from the right-field wall, and the uprights are attached right to the wall. (The other goal post stands in front of the third-base dugout.)

–NYT.

Switching after every change of possession? That seems a little ridiculous. Wouldn’t it have been easier to just take 5 yards out of the middle of the field. Sure, that leaves you with a 95-yard field, but then at least you’d avoid the situation of players picking their teeth out of the ivy.

Of course, the internet has been loving this development.