Like that scene with the awesome Regina Spektor song in 500 Days of Summer. Your expectations for the Morning Links: 12 links to galleries of Kate Upton, possibly with a Kate Upton video at the top. Okay, 11 links to galleries of Kate Upton and one about MMA. Reality: That lady can only do so much in a weekend, so you have to read about angry, heavyset soccer parents in Iowa and 11-foot tall Chinese guys.

Sports

Yao Ming: Expectations Vs. Reality - Outside of the Taiwanese Animation recap we haven’t said much about the retirement of Yao Ming, because “he was a nice guy who did pretty well at basketball” and “you guys don’t comment on posts featuring actual sports news” are hard to express in 350 words. [Smoking Section]

#Podcast: The Chris Kluwe Interview - @PUNTE continues his run of talking to real sports folks about real sports things by talking to the Minnesota Vikings punter. My New Year’s resolution now is “talk to somebody who plays for the Houston Texans, or at least knows somebody who does. Possibly one of the cheerleaders”. Who am I kidding, definitely one of the cheerleaders. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

Hitpost Will Make You a Sports Reporter - So will getting an editor position at a popular sports blog because you made a funny webcomic, but don’t tell anybody. [Uproxx]

Olympics In The Deep South: A 15-Year Retrospective Of Atlanta’s Summer Games - 15 years later and about 10 after I found out, and I’m still jealous of Jon Bois for going to the Kurt Angle Olympics. He won a gold medal with a broken freakin’ neck! [SBN]

With Leather

The Chained Heat of Iowa Softball - If you didn’t read this because 1) it was Friday, 2) the story was a day old or 3) it is about preteen softball, you’re missing out on a great example of lookism and a video featuring Thora Birch and Christina Ricci before they were dragged onto the Hollywood F and D-teams, respectively. I miss you, Thora. Be in movies I don’t have to buy at Wal-mart to see. [With Leather]

The Great Foul Ball Debate - Last week’s best feature, still making me angry well into Monday and only slightly hurt by Burnsy not being able to recognize a developmentally-disabled guy. [With Leather]

Bynum’s Life is a Flagrant Foul - Parking across a crosswalk and a handicap spot is bad, but at least he didn’t forearm shiver any child-sized people in the parking lot. As recommended, I’m permanently associating the “Andrew Bynum” and “assholes” tags. [With Leather]

Tim Pawlenty Is The ‘Miracle On Land’ - Don’t care about politics or magical hockey stories? You should still read this, because I make the closest thing I’m ever going to make to a good political joke. Usually I just type “Obama? More like NO-bama! Keep ‘The Change’!” and stare at my monitor until my brain farts and convinces me that’s an okay thing to put on the Internet. Also, SMDH @ Tim Pawlenty. [With Leather]

Not Sports

Comic-Con Photo Diary: Part One - New professional goal: be cool/good enough that my bosses send me to places like Comic-Con to do things like photo diaries. Sure, I’m taking 200 pictures at the Round Rock Express game, but nobody’s paying me to do it. [Film Drunk]

Corgi Cosplay for Comic-Con - Keep your skinny girls trying to pass themselves off as hot by wearing dumb clothes, give me cute dogs. Arguable point: outside of Halloween and young adult mixers, only animals should be put in funny clothes for our amusement. [Warming Glow]

Super Fun “Where the Wild Things Are” Tattoos - I was going to make fun, but 1) Where the Wild Things Are (in book and movie form) is great and 2) I have a Charlotte’s Web tattoo, so who am I going to make fun of? [Gamma Squad]

Adult Swim’s Never-To-Be-Aired-On-TV “Black Dynamite” Pilot’s Online Premiere - In a better world, the Black Dynamite cartoon will get four season and be hilarious. Also in that world, cooler people appreciate “The Venture Bros.” and “Tom Goes to Mayor” never existed. [Adult Swim]

Ames, Iowa parents are beating each other bloody over how often their 12-year old stands in at second shortstop. Who ya got?

Ames police arrested three people at North River Valley Park Sunday night following the championship softball game for 12-year-old girls competing in the Iowa Games.

The Centerville Hot Shots had just beat the Nevada Cubs when according to police a Centerville parent got in an argument with the team’s coach over playing time.

Officers said 32-year-old Angela Sales, of Centerville, punched coach Todd Sebolt. The coach is also accused of punching Sales. Sales sister, 19-year-old Stephany Summers, was also arrested for punching Sebolt’s wife.

I picked the one in the middle (“Sebolt”), but I honestly thought he was a lesbian. Now I feel bad for everyone at the game, because the guy who coaches a team of 12-year old girls is okay punching a woman. I wish the paragraph about who had punched who had kept going. Sales punched the coach. The coach is accused of punching Sales. Sales sister, Stephanie But Spelled Stupid, was arrested for punching the coach’s wife. The coach’s wife was arrested for punching Sales’ dog. The dog was arrested for urinating in public. Several pre-teen girls were arrested for punching a fire hydrant, and so on.

Video of the incident is below, but be warned, it is extremely graphic.

[h/t Off the Bench and my lifelong crush on Thora Birch]

Several days ago, With Leather’s editor was enough of a women’s softball nerd to report that Majorish League pitcher Casey Daigle and Olympic gold medalist Jennie Finch had given birth to their second son and named him like a minor league mascot. It’s been a slow news week (with the biggest story so far being about thirty seconds of O.J. Simpson killing his wife) so Baby Name-Gate has started to circulate and was a top headline today on Yahoo News.

As one of the first sports blogs to report the story, I feel it is my responsibility to reveal my source. That source is a fictionalized version Ms. Finch herself, and I’m proud to reproduce here the chat transcript I observed. After you’re done, come back to the main page and refresh, because I’ve got a story going up about Cat Osterman naming her newborn “Dog”.

Today’s Diesel Dean Daigle Dugout dollows. Follows.

Read the rest of this entry »

As an Olympic gold medalist who also happens to be super hot, Jennie Finch is one of the most famous and recognizable women in the history of softball. Her husband, pitcher Casey Daigle, has spent about thirty games in the big leagues since 2004. They named their first kid “Ace”, because yeah, okay, they like pitching. “Ace Daigle” kinda sounds like a porn name, but it’s cute enough. It wasn’t until the birth announcement for their second son on Sunday that the red flags started going up.

Via People (not sure which ones):

Jennie Finch delivered her and Casey Daigle‘s second son, Diesel Dean Daigle, on Sunday, June 19 at 10:25 p.m., the couple confirm to PEOPLE exclusively. Diesel weighed in at 8 lbs., 2 oz. and is 22 1/4 inches long. He joins big brother Ace Shane, 5, at home.

“We are so completely grateful and beyond blessed,” the softball star, 30, tells PEOPLE. “Casey and I are excited for our sweet precious Baby D! Ace couldn’t be any more pumped to be a big brother to Diesel.”

A day into his life and his Mom is already making “pumped” jokes about Diesel. Diesel Dean Daigle. Diesel Daigle! “Diesel Dean” makes him sound like he should be hosting a CGI children’s cartoon. Hey kids, come along and help Diesel Dan fix his 18-wheeler! And big brother Ace can’t be any more pumped, because now he’s one of TWO kids in the Daigle household named like a minor league mascot. What’re they gonna name their third kid, Spike? Buster? Dress him like a dragon and call him Buster.

Here’s to hoping that 3D (they named their son after Doritos) is like eight foot eleven by the time he starts middle school, so nobody will make fun of him. He’ll have to be tough so he can stick up for his sister Awesome Mitt Daigle.

Taiwan’s New Media Animation videos are popular because they look like a cross between actual news and the “Tiny Fuppets”. They’ve also got a weird ability to cut to the truth by showing the situation they’re covering as ridiculous bullsh**, something most news organizations won’t do, even during things like “Weiner-gate”.

Their newest effort, about a lawsuit filed against a gay softball association for not allowing bisexual people into their league for not being “gay enough,” is a great example. You’d think a gay softball league would be big on inclusion and creating a gay-friendly softball league for well-meaning, like-minded people, rather than an actual “gay softball league.” Also, I thought women’s softball was already the gay softball league. Kidding, kidding.

But enjoy the video, because it says more about the situation than I ever could, especially during the part with the bisexual detector.

[H/T Off the Bench]

This is Brigid Lesovsky, a female softball umpire who has been arrested on charges of having a sexual relationship with a 14-year-old girl. I’m guessing her last name is “Lesovksy” because she’s a lesbian and we’re all living through an episode of Rocky & Bullwinkle. Authorities only found out what was going on when the 14-year old got in trouble at school, and some phone calls were made. Some phone calls that, uh, probably should’ve been made a long ass time ago.

Lesovsky was charged with three counts of lewd or lascivious molestation and one count of lewd or lascivious battery, jail records show. On Thursday, she remained at Broward’s Main Jail, her bail set at $40,000.

The teen plays softball, and Lesovsky met her through her umpire position, officials said. The relationship began as a friendship, but turned sexual about a month ago, when the girl said Lesovsky fondled her, officials said.

Yes, but what did officials say?

The only really funny aspect of this story (and I know I’m doing a terrible job running both a sports AND a comedy blog) is that Lesovsky worked on an as-needed basis for something called the “Cooper City Optimist Club.” I am not interested in knowing what she considered “half full.” Hopefully this woman can find some counseling to help her both understand what she’s done and then never do it again. And then also probably something much meaner should happen to her, I don’t know, I’m not in any kind of Pessimist Club.

[Palm Beach Post]