Let’s rock.

Each week, Sports On TV looks at the 20 (or so) greatest sports-related moments from television shows that aren’t always about sports. This week we tackle the low-brow 1987-97 FOX classic ‘Married… With Children’, and honestly, it’s the closest we’ve come to saying f**k it and just writing about sports shows. MWC featured more sports moments and guest appearances than almost any other sitcom, and even featured a sports moments clip-show in the middle of its 10th season. Instead of just finding that on YouTube and posting it here, we’ve put together our own list.

The entire run of ‘Married…’ is currently streaming on Netflix, so if you read about Al Bundy punching a heavyset lady in the stomach or beating a bunch of old people at track and field and want to check it out, you can do so there. If our top 20 didn’t feature your favorite moment, be sure to drop down into the comments section and let us know what we missed.

But for now, enjoy the 20 greatest sports moments from ‘Married… With Children’. Let’s get the greatest moment in television history out of the way first …

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I know that sounds weird, but this is sports related and not a weird thing I’m into, I swear.

I live in Austin, Texas, where 60% of the population thinks sprouts taste good (they do) and 100% are working on a screenplay. My friends at Greenless Studios (the people who made the With Spandex podcast possible) are getting ready to shoot Summer League, an awesome softball versus kickball movie, here in town. They’ve set up an IndieGogo to raise money for incidentals, because that’s what happens these days.

I’m well aware that you do not come to a comedy sports blog to give money to people, and I would not dream of making a habit of requesting it from you, but I’m doing it here for two reasons:

1. This is my feature film debut (I’m playing a pub trivia master, because I’m a colossal nerd) and I want to be able to eat some tofu cutlets and shit while I’m filming, and

2. If they raise enough money they can afford to rent that duck costume and include a ridiculous mascot scene, giving me a second role in the film and turning me into Austin’s elite Internet version of Peter Sellers.

If you want to help out a good cause, consider stopping by and IndieGogo’ing yourself a DVD. I’d offer to autograph it for you too, but I am literally nobody. The thing ends in a couple of days, so if I can say I pitched in to make the thing a success, I’d feel awfully good about it.

Besides, it’s cute girls playing baseball while I stand around in the background. That’s a movie you want to see. Help us out.

Previous ‘Sports On TV’ columns (for ‘Saved By The Bell’ and ‘Full House’) have been fun to write but a pain to suffer through for research, because seriously, have you tried watching an 8th season episode of ‘Full House’ in 2012? Those columns sorta celebrate the badness of sports on TV, and how they get shoehorned in when people run out of love triangles and job jokes don’t have anything to write about.

So it’s with great pride that I present the third ‘Sports On TV’ effort, celebrating the 25 best sports moments from one of the best and most under-appreciated animated comedies ever made, FOX’s ‘King Of The Hill’. If you haven’t seen it before or just flip past it when you’re looking for ‘Squidbillies’ episodes on Adult Swim, the show’s entire 13-season run is available on Netflix streaming and is one of the best ways to spend 130-ish hours. What made the sports on ‘King Of The Hill’ great is that they aren’t accessories to the action … they’re focal points, important or not, just like in real life.

I’m lucky to have some great guest columnists this week, so I hope you enjoy the list. And yeah, there are at least 40 other moments we could’ve included here, so consider this part 1 of an eventual 50 Greatest Sports Moments Of ‘King Of The Hill’. We’ll loop back around when I realize Golden Girls didn’t have 20 sports moments on it.

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"And when you're 18, I'll show you another way to make money on the Internet."

Boy oh boy, it sure is getting hot outside now that summer is here. That means it’s time to wear lighter, more revealing clothes, and it’s also a chance to spruce up your homes in case you decide to have the gang over for BBQ and a game of cornhole. You should also try that beanbag game.

Thankfully, you lucky consumers have me and my awesome Etsy searching skills to not only find you the hippest athletic gear to wear to the parks and/or strip clubs (bike shorts, fellas) but also to help appease your sports interior design bug with homemade decorations for your favorite teams. This week, it’s less about athletes and more about you and your humble abode. Oh, and also my love of breasts.

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Tennessee baserunner Lauren Gibson does her best “I’M THE JUGGERNAUT, BITCH” impression against Oregon. Slide to avoid, Lauren, slide to avoid. Alternate point of view: how can we convince Alex Rodriguez to stop sliding into second? (via SportsGrid)

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Links

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2012 Summer Olympics American Athletes To Watch: Mariya Koroleva And Mary Killman |With Leather|

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TV GIFs of the Week |Warming Glow|

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Over the weekend, my Uproxxian colleague Danger Guerrero sent me a link to an old MTV Rock N Jock Softball clip, and it basically turned my afternoon into a complete waste. I didn’t get pushed into the YouTube wormhole as much as I willingly belly-flopped into the extensive search results for all things Rock N Jock, and I spent a good 4 or 5 hours reliving one of the most important pop cultural influences of my teenage years. After all, which child of the 90s didn’t desperately want to take a 10-point shot or a swing at the gold ball?

According to MTV’s website, the Rock N Jock franchise is alive and well, but that’s a bit misleading. Currently airing on MTV 2 on Saturday mornings, the latest version of Rock N Jock is a series hosted by Todd Richards and “Dirty” as they travel to various extreme sports events to talk to athletes like Shaun White and Ryan Sheckler, which basically sounds like every show that airs on Fuel TV. Clearly, it’s a far cry from the days of the Bricklayers and Violators battling for terrible fashion supremacy.

I’m certainly not the first blogger to get a wild hair and demand that MTV bring back the iconic softball, basketball, football and even bowling contests between actors, musicians and athletes, but as someone who once begged his mom to buy him a Homeboys baseball jersey for Christmas (thank you so much for not listening, mom) I think we’re due for some rematches. If Beavis and Butthead can make a comeback, then Rock N Jock certainly can, too.

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