UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH.
*deep breath*
UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH.
*throws brick through TV*
UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH.
I always thought it would be for Cheetos.
Mathematical!
This week, Sports On TV covers the greatest sports moments of the best cartoon on television, Cartoon Network’s ‘Adventure Time.’ If you aren’t familiar with the show, it follows the various quests and activities of a human boy and his dog as they live and fight monsters in the Land of Ooo, a post-apocalyptic Earth full of candy people, inter-dimensional vampire demons, anus-obsessed ghosts and every D&D joke imaginable. It’s a show you either love from the moment you give it a shot, or spend the rest of your life side-eying. Hopefully you’re in the first group.
Be sure to check out the moments and the other Sports On TV columns after the jump, and don’t miss the Peppermint Butler commenting badge we’re giving you for sharing our list around and dropping a comment. Do that, and you’re tops blooby.
If you’re like most Americans, you do that thing where you go PFFT, WHAT, YOU MEAN SOCCER when somebody calls soccer “football.” It may be the most defining aspect of our nation. We can’t process why a sport involving a ball and your feet would be called “football,” because the sport where you only use your feet once you’ve given up is already called that.
Today, the concept of soccer as football finally makes sense to us. Two German teams played an amateur match on an “American football pitch” last Friday and went full David Akers.
Playing on an American football pitch, [visiting keeper Marcel] Kindler’s save directed the ball onto crossbar of the American football goal, and the ball ended up rebounding back into play.
Incredibly the referee waved play on, and Altona 93 centre-forward Beytullah Atug capitalised on the official’s mistake to smash the ball into the net.
If I was the guy who scored this goal, I’d go to my grave claiming to have done it on purpose. I’d also start playing soccer in a helmet.
[h/t to Reddit]
Get your “I thought he already announced his retirement, when he decided to play MLS” jokes ready. David Beckham has retired.
The 38-year-old Beckham, who recently won a league title in a fourth country with Paris Saint-Germain, said Thursday he will retire at the end of the season.
“I’m thankful to PSG for giving me the opportunity to continue but I feel now is the right time to finish my career, playing at the highest level,” the former England captain said in a statement.
“If you had told me as a young boy I would have played for and won trophies with my boyhood club Manchester United, proudly captained and played for my country over one hundred times and lined up for some of the biggest clubs in the world, I would have told you it was a fantasy,” Beckham said. “I’m fortunate to have realized those dreams.” (via Sports Illustrated)
David Beckham has given us YEARS of fun at With Leather, whether he’s trying to sue tabloids for saying he railed prostitutes, making people uncomfortable with his underpants Super Bowl ads, forcing people to accept his children as fashion models or wandering around Los Angeles bulge-first. Becks, we thank you for that. We also wish you the best in your future endeavors, which we can only assume are “being poor” and “not being a famous celebrity.”
With more on David Beckham’s retirement, here’s TMZ. Wait, sorry, here’s actually David Beckham.
I think the Youtube user who uploaded this clip did it a great service by removing the sound, removing the context and playing it on loop. It helps the viewer detach from any distractions or personal prejudices and clearly focus on what might sincerely be the worst soccer dive I’ve ever seen.
Daniele De Rossi is a 29-year old Italian footballer and midfielder for Serie A club Roma who believes that if you shove someone, it hurts your own ankle. Watch is slack-jawed amazement as De Rossi waits for the referee to turn his head before lightly pushing his opponent, then collapsing to the ground as though Chong Li just stomped through his tibia. The ref isn’t impressed, and the guy who supposedly broke his ankle just kinda stands there shrugging, because what the f**k are you supposed to do?
Anyway, as pathetic and obvious as it is, YouTube commenters are quick to justify it as legit, because of course they are, and of course it was:
"Missed it by THAT much."
I’ve seen a lot of unfortunate stuff during soccer games — not limited to fans throwing grenades at players and a kid in San Francisco running the length of the field to score a goal on her own team — but I’ve never seen anything quite as coincidentally unfortunate as what happened to Sporting Lokeren goalkeeper Boubacar Copa Barry during Sunday’s game against Club Brugge in the Belgian Pro League.
Barry was knocked unconscious when he dove to his right in an attempt to save Carlos Bacca’s shot and ended up lawn-darting himself into the goal post. Here’s the clip, which bleeds into “funny” territory now that we know he isn’t dead or paralyzed.
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