I don't want to know what he's planning to do with that.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from being the editor-in-chief of a sports comedy blog, it’s that dating a supermodel can be rough on your hair. Remember when Tom Brady hooked up with Gisele Bundchen and his hair started getting weird, and how even now he’ll show up to random charity events with spit-curl fauxhawks? Well, Shaun White is next.

As you may know from our constant groaning about it, Only Snowboarder Anybody Can Name Shaun White is dating supermodel Bar Refaeli. To prove my SUPERMODELS HATE WHATEVER HAIR YOU HAVE WHEN THEY MEET YOU theory, Bar orchestrated the shearing of Shaun’s signature “Flying Tomato” hair, instantly transforming him from DANGEROUS EXTREME SPORTS REBEL into … well, he kinda looks like Clay Aiken.

Check it out for yourself:

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When I was in high school, I tried to saw a surfboard in half and turn the pieces into bookshelves to impress a girl. What I didn’t know was that A) sawing a surfboard in half is freaking ridiculously hard without the right saw and 2) I was a moron and girls hated me. So I was left with two worthless, jagged halves of a surfboard and a newfound burden of poor taste for kitschy decorating that has stuck with me today. What’s that? Hell yeah that original Peaches Records crate would look awesome in my living room!

The other day I was doing my random web surfery when I came across a post on Environmental Graffiti that brought me back to that awkward day in my garage with that rusty saw blade and 47% chance of ripping my ring finger to pieces. It seems there are actually other people out there who know what they’re doing when it comes to salvaging surfboards, skis, snowboards, bikes and even bowling balls and making something useful and creative out of them.

God help me if these images of genuine creativity reignite my desire to turn crap into treasure, resulting in a trip to the emergency room. After all, a man can’t write d*ck jokes with 9 fingers.

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This video makes Anton Ego remember what snowboarding was like when he was little.

Meet Ratatouille…not only a snowboarding opossum but the world’s greatest snowboarding opossum! Watch him as he tears up the slopes on his Burton Riglet Snowboard! Rock on opossum…rock on!

As seen on The Today Show, Good Morning America, and Sportscenter Top 10!

(via Liberty Mountain Resort)

Possum. Big, freaky, lookin’ bitch. Since when did they change it to opossum? When I was comin’ up it was just possum. Opossum makes it sound like he’s irish or something. Why do they gotta go changing everything?

In all seriousness, the fact that Ratatouille is snowboarding isn’t as awesome as the fact that he’s an opossum in a sweater and an ID lanyard. The “Mah Nà Mah Nà” remix is a nice touch. Maybe he’s not a real opossum at all, and Jim Henson is under him somewhere pulling the strings.

[h/t Weed Against Speed]

This is either the most dangerous way to descend a hill or the coolest Storm Shadow episode of G.I. Joe ever.

By way of Buzzfeed comes fashion photographer and filmmaker Jacob Sutton’s L.E.D. Surfer, a short film about how the pitch blackness of night and having the brightest possible lights shined in your eyes somehow don’t make snowboarding impossible. Seriously, if I was the L.E.D. Surfer the first twenty seconds of the video would be me going OH GOD OH GOD OH MY GOD and zipping lights-first into the first tree.

Anyway, the result of Sutton’s experiment is undeniably beautiful (thanks in part to haunting piano music that could make going to the bathroom ethereal) and really pretty geeky when you think about it. It’s like you’re watching the X-Games through the eyes of Neo from The Matrix.

I can’t wait for Sutton’s next project, where he puts police sirens on a guy with no legs and sends him down a waterfall to Sigur Rós.

Not counting the Pam Anderson sex tape, at least.

What you’re witnessing is either the first-ever 100.0 perfect score in the history of WXG Superpipe, or Shaun White reaching an X Games killscreen. Update: I can’t figure out whether or not his hair is worse than his pants, but White is basically as good at this as a person can be at something.

Even with a bum ankle, Shaun White still dominated the competition in Superpipe at the 2012 X Games, winning his fifth-straight gold medal in the event. White scored a 94.00 on his first run, wrapping up the gold before his third and final run of the night.

But on his final run, White didn’t just ride it out. Instead, he scored a perfect 100, finishing off the X Games in style. Not a bad way for the Superpipe champ to go out at this year’s event.

Also great about this video: The Cavs won!

Does anybody know where I can find a superpipe? I want to give this a try, and see what score the judges give me for sitting on the edge with a nervous look on my face for like twenty minutes before sliding down the ramp on my ass and breaking both of my legs.

[h/t Fark Sports]

I don't want to know what he's planning to do with that.

Quick, name the last person you’d like to see in a sex tape.

Did you say Carrot Top? It’s a statistical fact that when pressed with this question, 70% of Americans say Carrot Top. And, uh, this is the second worst.

A butt naked Shaun White smiled for the camera … while messing around on a bed with a hot naked lady back in 2009 … and now the X-rated photos are being shopped around town … TMZ has learned.

Sources tell TMZ … the photos were taken at a hotel party … a short time before The Flying Tomato won a gold medal at the 2009 Winter X-Games for Superpipe (haha … superpipe).

The “haha” aside and the landslide of ellipses are theirs, not mine. Or, as TMZ would write it,

The “haha” aside … and the landslide of ellipses … are theirs … not mine … TMZ has learned.

In all seriousness, this scandal threatens to shake the snowboarding, extreme sports, niche-video-games-when-1080-Snowboarding-isn’t-out and boys-t-shirt-racks-at-Target worlds to their foundations. Now instead of knowing him as “that one snowboarder”, everyone will know him as that one snowboarder who we had to see naked. At least this is great news for those weird girls who read Harry Potter and attach themselves to Ron.

At times like this, we can only take a step back and remember that pro athletes are only human, and thank God that Tony Hawk was popular before digital cameras were a thing.

[via ... TMZ]