Back in July of 2011, we posted a video of Spanish golfer Miguel Angel Jimenez’s borderline erotic, hypnotically fascinating warm-up routine. It wasn’t a viral smash (nobody “did the Miguel Angel Jimenez” for a week or anything) but it was a wonderful piece of film to watch. Guy is basically touching his junk to the ground in a squat, playing a sport and smoking a cigar at the same time. Just wonderful.

Now, thanks to some forward-thinking gent at Golf Monthly, comes a head-on look at The Miguel Angel Jimenez, explained from the mouth of the man himself. He does his golf yoga, his “little dancing move” and practically jams a golf club up his ass, and yes, he starts off the clip with a cigar in his hand. If there are three things Miguel Angel Jimenez loves, it’s (1) golf (2) smoking (3) EXTREME LIMBERNESS.

Video is after the jump, if you dare.

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If AC Milan star Mario Balotelli is best known for anything it’s being an amazing soccer player. After that, it’s probably being a bit of a skirt-chasing party animal and his relationship(s) with Raffaella Fico. And a close runner-up to that is being the target or horrific, inexcusable racial hate at the hands of opposing fans and media outlets. And then maybe his ridiculous camouflage Bentley, because that’s what I always think of when someone mentions his name.

Then again, some people might also suggest that he’s best known for being a headache and malcontent with a history of strange behavior, but he has almost always shrugged that off. Perhaps he’s also shrugging off this weekend’s latest run of headaches, which included a yellow card, tantrum and a probable fine from the Italian government.

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The headline reads “Report: Smoking may be beneficial to long distance runners”. Some of the reasons presented?

-Serum hemoglobin is related to endurance running performance. Smoking is known to enhance serum hemoglobin levels and (added bonus), alcohol may further enhance this beneficial adaptation.
-Lung volume also correlates with running performance, and training increases lung volume. Guess what else increases lung volume? Smoking.
-Running is a weight-bearing sport, and therefore lighter distance runners are typically faster runners. Smoking is associated with reduced body weight, especially in individuals with chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (these folks require so much energy just to breath that they often lose weight).

In the discussion, [author Ken Myers] goes on to point out that:

Cigarette smoking has been shown to increase serum hemoglobin, increase total lung capacity and stimulate weight loss, factors that all contribute to enhanced performance in endurance sports. Despite this scientific evidence, the prevalence of smoking in elite athletes is actually many times lower than in the general population. The reasons for this are unclear; however, there has been little to no effort made on the part of national governing bodies to encourage smoking among athletes.

Disclaimer: This study was posted in the Canadian Medical Association Journal, so it could be completely wrong. You know how they are in Canada. Don’t start smoking and send me an angry e-mail when you’re on your knees in the middle of the hurdles throwing up your guts.

Of course, when you dig a little deeper you find out that this was written less to advocate smoking for runners and more to prove that you can prove anything with a review article. I’ve been arguing this for years. Eventually you learn that everything in recorded history is wrong and the science we’ve been raised to believe as fact has been erased and rewritten every hundred years. And people are always like, “oh, no, this is true, I proved it with a bunsen burner” and I’m like “RAHHH PEOPLE USED TO PROVE THE EARTH WAS FLAT WITH A BUNSEN BURNER SHUT UP”.

Regardless, it’s a compelling argument. Next, he should prove how eating more will boost your metabolism and help you be skinny. Yeah f**king right.

When a legendary sportswriter like Dan Jenkins mentions strippers on his Twitter, you know something’s up, especially when he’s comparing them to 47-year old Spanish golfers:

That could’ve been a funny enough end to the story, but BBC has provided video of the warm up, and in this “pics or it didn’t happen” world it’s comforting to know that integrity still exists in the world of new media. Jenkins wasn’t kidding. Miguel Angel Jimenez looks like a stripper. A sweaty, overweight stripper who smokes while he stretches and swings two clubs. So, a stripper from Cleveland, I guess.

My advice is to watch the video twice. If you watch it the first time through with normal volume, it appears silent, and you can enjoy The Mechanic dropping it like its hot without any external stimuli. Then, turn your volume up all the way and restart the video. If you listen closely you can hear Peter Alliss providing hilarious play-by-play that makes the whole thing seem like one of those old Popeye cartoons where Bluto is walking angrily and pushing up his sleeves and trash-talking without moving his mouth.

[h/t Dogs That Chase Cars]

The Tampa Bay Rays are planning to pay tribute to the 1951 International League champion Tampa Smokers by wearing throwback Smokers uniforms on July 2. The Rays themselves have only been around since 1998 and don’t have anything to “throw back” to, so they have to do the thing the Nationals do where they pretend the Washington Senators are them and not the Twins. The only problem is that the Smokers … uh, have “smoking” in their name, and because this is 2011 the Rays are removing the image of a cigar from the Smokers jerseys.

This begs a few questions, the most pressing ones being “Why are you paying tribute to a team called the ‘Smokers’ if you’re worried about people thinking about smoking?” and “Are you worried that kids are going to start smoking because they saw a picture of a cigar?” Maybe they removed it because it looks like a turd. When The Tampa Tribute asked about the PC Thug whitewashing, the Rays issue the following statement:

“We have chosen to wear the Smokers jersey to celebrate the rich heritage and traditions surrounding baseball in Tampa Bay and this version of the logo is intended only to be a slightly more contemporary version of that wonderful history.”

Man, that’s weak. That would be like the Cleveland Indians realizing the big smiling caricature face of a Native American was prejudiced and offensive and trying to change the logo to a cursive letter I, or even worse, a block letter C.

My suggestion? Let the Rays play the July 2 game in screenprinted shirts with Fred McGriff on the front. That’s really all you have to throw back to.

[h/t to Big League Stew]