While last week’s Beef Thursdays column featured actual beef, in the sense that athletes were trying to rip each other’s heads off en route to a horrific international incident that could have only been prevented by the United Nations or James Bond, this week’s edition is more of an imposed sense of rivalry. Namely, we thought that Los Angeles Clippers center DeAndre Jordan became the clear frontrunner for Dunk of the Year last week, but then LeBron James popped up this week and said, “Hold on just one second.”

Funny how I’ve always thought we’d never be able to settle a Jordan-James debate.

Jordan and the Clippers raised the bar for humiliating opponents last week, when the 6’11” dunk machine threw down over an incredibly mismatched Brandon Knight. The result was two point for Jordan and a meeting with the floor for Knight.

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Here’s poor Jason Terry looking like a fifth grader, going up against the Sweet Georgia Brown offense of the Miami Heat and LeBron James. Seriously, the Heat are now officially just the Harlem Globetrotters. Next week they’re gonna use a ladder in the middle of a game and the refs won’t call it. (via ESPN)

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Links

Gamma Squad Is At PAX East This Year, So Tell Us What You Want To See |Gamma Squad|

Breaking Down South By Southwest 2013 By The Numbers |UPROXX|

Why ‘Survivor’s’ Jeff Probst Is The Best Reality Competition Host On Television |Warming Glow|

Rolling Stone used an awesome picture of Al Pacino |Film Drunk|

This Is Why Skydiving Is Stupid And Nobody Should Ever Try It |With Leather|

Rick Ross Doesn’t Speak In New Reebok Commercial And That’s Fine |Smoking Section|

Only The Arena League Will Have Tebow |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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No, I said your dunk face.

If this is your first time on the Internet this week, let me catch you up to speed: DeAndre Jordan of the Los Angeles Clippers dunked so heinously over Pistons guard Brandon Knight that our lives were changed, Brandon Knight died and now we’re all living in an alternate universe. I don’t know how it happened. It was so ferocious that the Internet put a Jim Ross call behind it and started a new meme. It was something.

Under Armour was quick to jump on the DeAndre Jordan’s Dunk Was Memorable bandwagon, have produced a series of animated t-shirts and are asking fans to recreate Jordan’s signature “eesh” face for an Instagram contest:

Want to win a trip to LA for you and a friend to meet DeAndre Jordan? Upload your best #DeAndreDunkFace to Instagram to enter for your chance to win.

The rules are intensely thorough, and I invite you to read them all for gems like “photo must not contain images of athletes in uniform,” and the suspiciously let-my-nephew-win-this fine print reading “sponsor reserves the right to contact competitors for additional information prior to selecting the winner.”

If you’re entering this, be sure to post your dunk face in the comments below.

By now you’ve probably seen it, DeAndre Jordan’s life-altering dunk on Brandon Knight in last night’s ridiculous 129-97 Los Angeles Clippers victory over the Detroit Pistons. Blake Griffin has called it the “Dunk of the Year” and Twitter instantly turned it into the 2013 version of the Dominique Wilkins poster I once had hanging in my bedroom as a kid. Poor Brandon Knight, just minding his own business as he traveled into the paint against one of the NBA’s most aggressive dunkers. Knight can go ahead and take a seat next to John Lucas now, because his career won’t ever be the same.

That’s not hyperbole. Dunks like this change lives, because no matter how well Knight performs the rest of this season or every season beyond until he retires, we’re always going to hear his name and laugh – “You mean the guy that DeAndre Jordan killed?” As fast as we move from meme to meme and GIF to GIF in this Internet era, we never forget. Just like Manny Pacquiao before him, Brandon Knight was dragged through the streets of Meme City last night after that “Just another day at the office” dunk by Jordan.

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Last week’s Wednesday Dunk Battle was one of the most hotly contested ever, pitting LeBron James and Blake Griffin (the two most prolific Wednesday Dunk Battlers of the season) against a sea otter and a guy who dunked through fire. The sea otter murdered them. But still, the idea is that the Wednesday Dunk Battle is HEATING UP, and this week we see who dares follow in Eddie the Sea Otter’s footsteps. Yes, LeBron James is in this one, too. Yes, I tried to see how many times I could write “Wednesday Dunk Battle” in one paragraph.

This week’s dunks:

1. Past-his-prime Kobe Bryant goes FULL PRIME on Josh Smith.
2. LeBron James runs a slant route en route to his one millionth alley-oop from Dwyane Wade.
3. Baylor’s Brittney Griner dunks on what might as well be everyone from Kansas State.
4. Louisville’s Chane Behanan uses the anger he’s felt trying to spell “Shane Bohannon” in his lifetime and brutally dunks over DePaul guard Worrel Clahar, who has NO IDEA what to spell.

You make the call. Please remember that your science is appreciated, and that voting in the poll below officially makes you a scientist. OF BASKETBALL DUNKS.

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It’s not often that I get to write about my local D-League NBA Austin Toros, so I’m taking every opportunity I can get. Here’s Chris Roberts of the Toros making 7-foot-5 Sioux Falls Skyforce player Will Foster look like the 4-foot-11 nobody who plays for nobody with a monster dunk. Just brutal. Go Toros! Keep doing things so I can write about them! (via Reddit)

- Follow us on Twitter @withleather
- Follow me personally @MrBrandonStroud and Burnsy @MayorBurnsy
- Like us on Facebook.

Links

Arrested Development’s 15 Greatest Sports Moments |With Leather|

How Nick Offerman And Megan Mullally Became America’s Favorite Celebrity Couple |UPROXX|

Let’s Check In With The Local New-… Aaaaaaaand Somebody Made A Toilet Out Of Snow |Warming Glow|

The Coen Bros Are Writing Angelina Jolie’s Directorial Follow-Up|Film Drunk|

Lego Hogwarts Is So Amazing It Has To Be Witchcraft |Gamma Squad|

Take 10 Minutes To View These 100 Vince Carter Dunks |Smoking Section|

The Jets Want Some Hot Brady Quinn Action |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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