What people think Hitler thinks about Jeremy Lin. What Nazis think Hitler thinks about Jeremy Lin. What he actually thinks! (via OTB)

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Meme Watch: ‘What People Think I Do Versus What I Really Do’ Reminds Us That All Jobs Kinda Suck - What Jeremy Lin thinks I do. What Kate Upton thinks I do. What I actually do! All just black squares. [UPROXX]

Chris Brown Has A New Pickup Line Sure To Make All The Ladies Melt - I bet George Jones is really happy he didn’t beat his girlfriend when the Internet around. [UPROXX]

7 Potential First-Time Hosts that Could Enliven the Stagnant ‘Saturday Night Live’ - I think they could benefit from letting lesser known, high quality writer/comedians host the show instead of someone with a movie coming out, that way a little effort would happen. [Warming Glow]

Channing Tatum Wants Fans To Pick His Movies - Okay. A Tree Of Life reboot, three consecutive movies where he’s an army guy “just tryin’ to get home to his wife and daughter”, then permanent retirement. [Film Drunk]

Our 20 Favorite Pieces From Gallery 1988′s Video Games Art Show - I would pay hard-earned cash money to have that Excitebike piece hanging in my house. [Gamma Squad]

NBA Announces All-Star 2012 Dunk Contest Participants - The most revolutionary change to the dunk contest needs to be “you get one chance to dunk this, so try not to f**k it up”. [Smoking Section]

Hall of Fame Oddsmakers 2012: “Macho Man” Randy Savage - Tom Holzerman and I debate whether or not the Macho Man will get into WWE’s Hall Of Fame. Like everything WWE related, who the hell knows? [The Wrestling Blog]

13 Things About Your Childhood You Never Realized That Will Blow Your Mind - I don’t want to live in a world where people don’t know Shredder and Uncle Phil are the same person. [Buzzfeed]

This Dog Looks A Lot Like A Penis - your entire website looks like a penis [HuffPost Comedy]

This the World’s Most Expensive Starbucks Drink? - I was with this guy until he busted out a Chuck Norris joke. Regardless, as a blogger, sixteen espresso shots sounds normal and awesome. [The FW]

Which Cast Aged The Best? My Money’s On Those Kids From Bayside - Well it certainly wasn’t the cast of ‘Seaquest DSV’, I’ll give them that. [Pajiba]

History of Nintendo’s Controllers GIF - Is it weird that I wish Nintendo was still making Gamecube games? I want another Double Dash game using the same engine with like 400 more tracks :( [Unreality]

Tommy Chong Says Whitney Houston Should Have Stuck to Ganja - Tommy Chong should’ve stuck to not talking about Whitney Houston. [Brobible]

There’s a moment near the beginning of Next Media Animation’s more-or-less unnecessary 66-second tribute to Blake Griffin’s dunking where LeBron James is standing on an Olympic podium holding a “Dunk Of The Year” trophy, Griffin shows up and bonks him in the head with a basketball to knock him down. You’re like, “oh, okay, this is going to be a tame one”.

A few seconds later, Griffin jumps over a car to win the slam dunk contest and we cut to fans and their heads explode. Then, a military panda walking on its hind legs hands Griffin a ball so he can one-up the car dunk with a corkscrew leap through flaming hoops that have been set up over a tiger cage. It doesn’t end well. To top that, Griffin gets into a time machine and dunks on Michael Jordan, who is mid-dunk himself. And then my head explodes.

All I can say is that if Griffin can travel time and simply viewing his dunks makes blood fill your head until it explodes, poor Kendrick Perkins needs to keep his eyes closed from birth ’til death.

This is not an April Fool’s Day prank. Jacob Tucker just finished playing his last game at Division III Illinois College over a month ago, but the senior put together a YouTube video featuring his 50-inch vertical and some sick dunks in hopes of being voted into the college slam dunk contest. It worked.

“It’s unbelievable, just because a lot of these other guys here are D-I players,” Tucker said after the contest. “They’re used to being on the national stage, and this dunk contest, to their schools, didn’t necessarily mean as much. To be able to represent my school on a national stage is a real honor.”

–The Dagger.

There’s not much hope for a Division III athlete to ply his trade after college, but Tucker found a way. See Tuck’s campaign video and his competition dunks after the jump. Hooray white people! Read the rest of this entry »

Some people were creaming themselves over this Blake Griffin dunk, where they drove a car on a court and some choir starts singing and I guess angles angels flew out of Ernie Johnson’s ass and there was much rejoicing or something.

Only Charles Barkley can step up and say “That wasn’t the greatest dunk.” And it wasn’t. Griffin barely jumps over the hood of the car. Yay? And if you have to tell people to stand up, then it’s probably not as inspiring as the credit it’s getting would have you believe. This isn’t the Inglewood Baptist Church, jack. I paid $2500 for this seat and I intend to use it.

Sadly, this was probably the best performance by a Griffin all weekend, as last night’s “Family Guy” was especially awful.

Whatever. This is just a talking beaver away from being a pharmaceutical ad. Were there any brighter moments from the NBA’s All Star Weekend? Let’s see if we can find some. Yep, it’s another slideshow.

Read the rest of this entry »

The Minnesota Timberwolves have finally done something clever, and it only took them 22 years. I actually didn’t want to cover this, but then everyone else was soiling themselves over it, so I deliver it unto you against my better judgement.

On the same day the NBA announced the starters for the All-Star game next month, the Wolves’ public relations department unveiled its campaign to convince the coaches to vote their star into the game as a reserve.

A box was mailed to all Western Conference coaches that includes a bottle of ”Numb#rs” cologne, a DVD with a 30-second commercial for the product that spoofs an ultra-serious fragrance ad, an advertisement that includes Love and a local model dressed to the nines and a list of his accomplishments on the back, and a bottle of face lotion just for good measure.

–Fox Sports.

Annoying. If he’s not good enough to get voted in on his own merits, then he shouldn’t get in.

Cool video, though. I totally want to drink with that…whatever the hell that was.

NBA NOTES: If you can dunk like Will Bynum, you could win a big HDTV, a Wii, and perhaps enough self-respect to get through the winter. You can register on Above The Rim’s Facebook page, perhaps while listening to some Kris Kross…BYU’s Jimmer Fredette is getting a lot of attention from NBA media, not to mention NBA players…LeBron James And Friends lost to the Knicks last night. Dwyane Wade wore a red-tinted lens over his face (though not the ones he wanted, right) for a migrane issue. He could probably expect a class-action lawsuit anyday from James Worthy, the X-Man Cyclops, and RoboCop.

You probably already saw this on Hot Clicks earlier today; it’s Pepperdine’s Keion Bell dunking over five of his teammates in one of those midnight madness practices, even though it doesn’t have Michael J. Fox or that chubby kid from Animal House in it. But watch what he does afterward. It’s ME ME ME. He doesn’t celebrate with any of his teammates (save for a shoulder bump), and they don’t expect anything from him, either. And then he hugs the mascot, Willy the Wave, which doesn’t make any damn sense at all. He’s not even a real wave, Keion. Who has a body of water for a mascot, anyway? No, the Lakers don’t count. There are no lakes in LA. Just piles and piles of coke. They hand that stuff out with your phones books and voter registration card.