When I was in high school, I tried to saw a surfboard in half and turn the pieces into bookshelves to impress a girl. What I didn’t know was that A) sawing a surfboard in half is freaking ridiculously hard without the right saw and 2) I was a moron and girls hated me. So I was left with two worthless, jagged halves of a surfboard and a newfound burden of poor taste for kitschy decorating that has stuck with me today. What’s that? Hell yeah that original Peaches Records crate would look awesome in my living room!

The other day I was doing my random web surfery when I came across a post on Environmental Graffiti that brought me back to that awkward day in my garage with that rusty saw blade and 47% chance of ripping my ring finger to pieces. It seems there are actually other people out there who know what they’re doing when it comes to salvaging surfboards, skis, snowboards, bikes and even bowling balls and making something useful and creative out of them.

God help me if these images of genuine creativity reignite my desire to turn crap into treasure, resulting in a trip to the emergency room. After all, a man can’t write d*ck jokes with 9 fingers.

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This is how I’ve felt for the last month. April’s just gonna be a bunch of puppies sleeping videos. (via MPViral)

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Links

Which Action Star Has Inspired the Worst Video Games? Another (Sort of) Scientific Study - I was hoping ‘Rambo’ for the NES would get some love. That game isn’t any fun, but I always want to be playing it for some reason. [Gamma Squad]

10 Things We Learned At SXSW 2012 - #11. Get robot legs, because you aren’t 20 anymore. [Smoking Section]

Discussion Post and Poll: What Is Your Favorite Network Sitcom Besides ‘Community’? - I like ‘The Big Bang Theory’. I also like cupping my hands, farting into them and trying to scoop it into my mouth before the flavor dissipates. [Warming Glow]

All Of Our Favorite Parts Of Aziz Ansari’s Reddit AMA - Not reading this is a huge Oh No No. [UPROXX]

Belvedere Vodka Hoping To Sell Vodka With Rape Jokes, Apparently - They really missed the boat by not getting Bob Uecker to be their spokesperson. He’s got experience selling alcohol, knows Belvedere personally and wouldn’t rape people. [UPROXX]

This Week in Posters and Stills - The Dark Shadows posters are amazing and should just be bright white circles with actor names over them. [Film Drunk]

Scumbag Pets - My cat won’t stop dunking his entire arm into any glass of water I pour, does that count? [Buzzfeed]

11 Amazing Translation FAILS - This should just be 11 attempts by Armond White to review Lost In Translation. [HuffPost Comedy]

Watch Wes Anderson’s Sony Commercial Featuring Adorable Robots - Okay! [The FW]

You Can Do Side Bends Or Sit-Ups But Please Don’t Lose That Butt. “Mad Men” Is Back - ‘Mad Men’ is the best show since Seinfeld to be about nothing and have nothing ever happen. I’m happy to have it back, I just wish it was an hour of Pete Campbell. [Pajiba]

Ten Video Games Viewed From a Different Perspective - Number 11 is about the time I tried to play Skyrim while lying upside down on the couch. I might as well be trying to solve astrophysics quandaries. [Unreality]

Batman Was Pulled Over In a Lamborghini Gallardo In Montgomery County, Maryland - Great, now the Penguin is going to destroy Camden Yards and nobody will be there to stop him. [Brobible]

American skier and Olympic gold medalist Lindsey Vonn made a guest appearance on “Law & Order” last night, and she was so bad that they decided to cancel the whole show. Actually, she had filmed her scene before the decision not to renew the show for a 21st season was made, so it’s not like she cut the show with a broken champagne bottle or anything.

Upon learning on Thursday that her favorite show was in danger of being canceled, Vonn started a “Save Law & Order” page on Facebook. By Monday, the page had more than 15,700 Facebook users supporting her online effort. Vonn has more than 142,000 users connected with her own Facebook fan page. –Examiner.

Vonn played a secretary (bow chicka wow ow) who helped the detectives find some guy who was going to blow up a school, which is too bad, because I would have loved to see the show go out with a bang. But it’s not like the show won’t be on TV anymore. It’s in syndication everywhere. It’s as if Jerry Orbach never died.

Was there a more overrated athlete EVER than Bode Miller in the Turin Games four years ago? Dude did absolutely nothing in 2006, and then went o-fer in 2007 AND 2009, but decided to come back to the Olympics for one more shot at redemption. Oh, this might be a spoiler…

Defending overall World Cup champion Aksel Lund Svindal of Norway took silver [in the men's downhill], a slim 0.07 seconds behind, and Bode Miller of the United States snapped his medal drought at major events by taking the bronze, only 0.09 behind [gold medal winner and noted Swiss guy Didier] Defago.–SI.com.

Wouldn’t that be great to decide, “Yeah, I’d like to come back to the Olympics this year.” Most people train and sweat and sacrifice their whole lives, and this douche acts like the Games are just an invite to an office holiday party. Well, I’ve gotta see what else is going on. I mean, who all is gonna be there. Is it Bring Your Own? Because I’m totally not going if it isn’t Bring Your Own. Thanks for adding to the medal count. You make Andy Roddick’s press appear balanced and objective.

With the Winter Olympics only three days away, it’s hard to argue that any member of Team USA can expect to have as good a month as skier Lindsey Vonn already has. Vonn made the cover of Sports Illustrated‘s Olympic preview, and is one of the four Olympians featured in that magazine’s swimsuit issue. I don’t know exactly how much swimming she expects to accomplish in Vancouver, but that’s none of my concern. Vonn’s already off to an impressive run this February, and her month is only expected to get better. Lindsey’s gallery at SI.com.

Cody Marshall, an alpine skier for the U.S. ski team, remains in critical condition after suffering a severe head injury last week in a 20-foot fall from an escalator at a Park City, Utah mall.

Marshall plunged 20 feet from an escalator in Park City’s Main Street Mall late Wednesday after a night out with his teammates.

Marshall attempted to slide down the handrail of the out-of-order escalator but instead fell backward off it, according to Kelly and Park City police.

He was conscious and responsive when first responders arrived at the mall but his condition worsened in the hospital throughout the day Thursday — downgraded from serious to critical. [Rutland Herald]

This is a good example of why I should read all the way through a story before making a light-hearted Photoshop.  “Ha ha!  He fell from an escalator!  Look at this escalator-ski jump image I made!  What’s that?  Near death?  Oh.”  Best wishes to Marshall and his family, and we hope he makes a full recovery.  With Leather regrets the Photoshop.

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