And I say HEY! What a wonderful time of day! Where you can learn to work and play, and read the first Sports On TV of 2013: the 20 greatest sports moments from PBS Kids’ ‘Arthur.’

‘Arthur’ is about the mostly-educational adventures of Arthur Read, an 8-year old aardvark who … well, learns to work and play and get along with the people in his hometown of Elwood City. Arthur started as a series of children’s books by author and illustrator Marc Brown, and eventually became a cartoon so popular it has over 1.1 million likes on Facebook and is the longest-running children’s animated series in the U.S., second behind only ‘The Simpsons’ as the longest-running animated series in the U.S. period. It’s also full of sports, and sometimes I like to write things on my comedy sports blog that my girlfriend will enjoy.

If you don’t already love ‘Arthur’ and have no interest in flipping through this list, listen to the opening theme, included below. If you can listen to the entire thing and not sing it for the rest of the day, I’ll let you off the hook.

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This week on Sports On TV, we tackle the horror/comedy/drama/everything else of ‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer,’ the 1997-2003 hit that catapulted Avengers director Joss Whedon into public consciousness, gave Sarah Michelle Gellar seven more years of television success and adapted a semi-forgotten Kristy Swanson movie into a layered, sometimes absurd and always worth-talking-about cult classic.

And yeah, believe it or not, Buffy had more than 20 great sports moments. I was originally going to supplement the list with a few ‘Angel’ moments (personalized hockey jerseys for babies!), but I revisited the show, re-watched several of my favorite episodes and found so many things to talk about I could barely fit it into a part 1.

If you’re a fan of vampires, good television or magical axes that give teens the power to kick through somebody’s chest, you’ll love this week’s column. Please click through to enjoy my picks for ‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer’s’ 20 greatest sports moments.

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I'm gonna try to win the Pulitzer with this one.

Austin, Texas, has 8-10 festivals every weekend, but this weekend was a big one: the 7th annual Fun Fun Fun Fest, featuring a reunited Run DMC, everyone from Public Image Ltd to X to f**king Kreayshawn and a cannon that shoots tacos. It’s the weird little brother of SXSW, and it’s the best.

It’s also full of sports, and because 1) I was there, and 2) I run a sports blog, I documented all of it to share with you here. I actually got to participate in some of it, too. My jobs as a returning judge for the Air Sex Championships and hosting gig for a veggie hot dog eating contest got me billed as a “Yellow State Artist,” meaning I performed (as it were) on the same stage as David Cross, Eugene Mirman, H. Jon Benjamin, Saul Williams and a magician who did a racist ventriloquist act and pulled ribbons out of a chicken’s ass. It was one of the coolest, best experiences I’ve ever had, and that’s not even mentioning how I got a crowd of hipsters to join me in a Daniel Bryan “YES” chant.

Inside this Golden Treasury of sports photos you’ll find:

- Skateboarding and BMX at “Ride The Plank,” sponsored by Project LOOP
- Pro wrestling courtesy of local pals Anarchy Championship Wrestling
- Mechanical bull riding
- The aforementioned Air Sex Championships, which gets covered a lot on With Leather these days and is exactly what it sounds like.
- The veggie hot dog eating contest

Stick around until the very end to see a shirtless fat guy in a horse mask squaring off against a punk rock pornstar. That is not clickbait, that actually happened. I love you, Fun Fun Fun Fest.

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Okay, so there’s plenty happening in sports news today:

• Jay Cutler is terrible against the Packers and he looked like a dick shoving one of his teammates even though every quarterback does it.
• The Dallas Cowboys are trying to sign Tony Romo to an extension so he doesn’t leave after this season and end his career being killed behind the Arizona Cardinals offensive line.
• Hockey is going to have a lockout, which sucks for fans, but it sucks even more for us because I had an interview all set with Paul Bissonnette, and now I may never know what he thinks about Bibi Jones retiring from porn.
• Jim Calhoun retired, which sucks for people who either love UConn basketball or pretending like they’re shocked that a 70-year old would retire.
• A group in Seattle has been cleared for a new arena so they’re shopping for a NBA team. *looks nervously at Rich DeVos*
• Derek Jeter tied Willie Mays for 10th on the all-time hits list. Also, Minka Kelly is still hot.

And all of those are good stories to talk about, but I don’t feel well today, and I have a full day of college football tomorrow, as well as a full plate on Sunday, so I’m just trying to relax a little and go with something easy and therapeutic. Of course, nothing says easy and therapeutic like animals riding skateboards.

After the jump, I’ve gathered some videos of skateboarding animals, because it’s Friday and you don’t have anything else better to do. Sure, you can go perform surgery, but if you’re a doctor and you read this site, you’ve probably already had your medical license revoked.

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Kate's trick is more impressive.

Over the weekend, Zoo York and Stoker Mentoring gathered 30 Brooklyn teenagers to help clean up Fort Greene Park, and the star of the event was probably supposed to be 18-year old skateboarding phenom Chaz Ortiz, but then super model and 2011 With Leather Celebrity Sports Fan of the Year Kate Upton showed up, and approximately all of the teenage boys suddenly had to stop picking up trash and sit down for 5-10 minutes.

A multiple Dew Tour event winner, Ortiz even showed Upton a few tricks with his skateboard, and then he probably asked her if she wanted to go see a movie or something, and she replied, “Aw, that’s sweet, but my boyfriend won 24 games last season and you’ve only finished 4th at the X Games, so I’m good.” But Kate was more than happy to give back to her community, even if she wasn’t exactly dressed for the occasion.

She was aware that her sandals were perhaps not the most suitable footwear.

She joked: ‘Hey, at least I’m not wearing heels!’

Speaking to ESPN, Kate revealed why taking part in the park clean up was important to her.

She said: ‘I love being able to work with kids who have disadvantages and work together and make this a better community.’ (Via the Daily Mail, images as well.)

Upton, whom the Daily Mail wrote is “usually seen walking the Victoria’s Secret catwalk in ethereal lingerie”, despite never having been employed by Victoria’s Secret, was a good sport as Ortiz offered to show her some skateboard tricks, as she admitted that she’s horrible at riding a skateboard. I assume it’s because she’s so obese and the board just bends in the middle when she steps on. Gross.

Kate gives a little back to the kids after the jump, and I also include a new Upton GIF that is finally relevant.

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Move over, World’s Fattest Woman. More. More. Move all the way over. There’s a new Guinness Book of World Records entrant in town, and he’s probably the greatest thing to ever come out of Florida since crystal meth. You know, depending on your stance on crystal meth, in which case he might just be the greatest thing to ever come out of Florida.

Either way, Happie GOATie is now the world record holder for the longest ride on a skateboard by a goat. I believe the previous world record for a skating goat was held by Kim Kardashian. *high fives Ray J, lights hand on fire* Either way, first the goats were surfing, then they were performing parkour, and now they’re skateboarding. Pretty soon, X Games athletes are going to find themselves out of work.

Also, it’s important to note that if you Google search Happie GOATie, you need to spell his name properly. If you spell it Happy Goatie, you’ll get Happy Goatee, which will take you into a terrifying wormhole of terms and pictures that you don’t ever want to experience. Trust me.

After the jump, check out Happie GOATie’s awesome skateboarding antics.

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