This, as best as I can tell, is the opening credits to Fully Flared, a 2007 skating video where…apparently everything blows up after they jump off it. Oh, and it’s all in slow-motion, too. It’s like those NFL commercials, except more rad. Or tubular. Or…[checks skater thesaurus] aw, hell, you get the idea.
The downside is that, as best as I can tell, none of the skateboarders actually die in the explosions. These hipster athletes are like roaches. Roaches that don’t wear goggles or helmets. And like to roll around everyplace. It’s more “TNT Games” than “X Games.” –Thanks, Matt.
Ouch. That did not look like it felt too good. No doubt the poor, portly fellow felt pretty embarrassed laying there on the concrete looking like a beached Beluga. This is why fat people shouldn’t leave their homes except to go to Old Country Buffet. I wouldn’t be surprised if the next time this guy willingly gets on something with four wheels is when Maury Povich sends a camera crew and they have to rip off a side of his house and hoist him out of his bed with a Bobcat.
And the splits? Yikes. I wasn’t even aware of the fact that fat people could bend that way. How fitting it would have been if a James Brown song had been added for background music.
“Say it loud, I’m fat and on the ground. HEYYYYY!!”
Or alternatively,
“Get up, (get on up)
Get up, (get on up)
Stay on the scene, like an eating machine”
I suppose that would make him the Godfather Of Roll.
San Diego State University had their undie run this year, and you’re not gonna believe this, but it was exactly the same as any other…except for this girl that decided to go skateboarding wearing in her Uggs. And this is where the concept of neo-feminism starts to die: why do anything worthwhile in school when you can just strip down and have everyone’s attention? Seems to be working just fine for Danica Patrick.
Ugh, that sound… that’s not a good sound. It’s like a cantaloupe dropped off a roof. Makes me wanna wrap my head in cotton and styrofoam and duct tape before going anywhere near concrete. I’d leave some air holes, of course. Don’t wanna get too turned on, you know.
I never thought a skateboarder grostesquely breaking his arm could be so disappointing (NOTE: I’m serious about this being pretty nasty). Listen, skateboarders. If you severely injure yourself, you can’t just calmly say “I broke my arm.” You’ve got to squeal like a stuck pig and cry like the skinny jeans-wearing excuse for a male that you really are. Otherwise it’s barely worth me watching a fifth or sixth time.
There’s not too much I can really add that isn’t covered in the headline, but I will add two small pieces of commentary: (1) Orff’s “Carmina Burana” is a glorious change of pace from the rap-metal most of these videos are set to, and (2) No parent should ever name their son Nigel unless they expect him to grow up gay, or British, or gay and British. Or am I being redundant?
