“Hey guys? Can I try riding on your skateboard once? I can? Okay, what do I do? Do I just roll down the ramp? I can just roll down it and not get hurt, right? Are you sure? Are you sure I don’t need a helmet? Yeah? Can I go now? Okay…”

WHAM.

Four minutes of skateboarders totally getting pwned? Yes, please. I like the part where he got hit by a car. Some of these will be review for you, but watching them together is just cringe-tastic. Oh, and after the 45 seconds or so of credits, some kid breaks his arm. Or maybe it’s his wrist. Hey, do I look like a doctor to you? Thanks to Middletown’s own Spintown for the vid.

DC Shoes put together this crazy ad involving an indoor skate park and a basketball goal. I can only assume that somebody thought it was a giant bong and brought it in to smoke it. Because all skaters are druggies, see. It’s an impressive display of trickshottery from a group of dudes that most people don’t really consider to be athletes. Now if we can only get these guys to start going to class again.

After this nasty fall this skateboarder takes, his grinding days might be over for some time. His days in puppetry are just beginning however. The malformed shape of his wrist will serve him well in that regard. Maybe he can be the next Triumph. A good skateboarder mocking has always been conspicuously been missing from his catalog.

[Don Chavez]

You might think me a touch callous for so thoroughly enjoying a video that is 10 seconds of skateboarder collision and 40 seconds of plaintive wailing by a child, but then you didn’t take into consideration that I’m comfortable with that. Because they subject themselves to years of mindless falls and injuries, it’s difficult to get much of an audible reaction to pain from older ‘boarders. You’ll notice, too, that the lad is wearing a helmet. That too disappears with experience and a progressively damaged frontal lobe.

Baseball backstops are usually of the chain link variety, so why not the same for skateboarders? All that's missing is an umpire to call him out, or a cop to wail on him for skating on public property.

Don't fret too much for this guy. Not only because he's a skateboarder and therefore beneath your pity, but also that he shows a clear display of cognizance in being able to identify what part of his body just got mashed against a fence. Let that be your rule of thumb when throttling punk grinders. If they can scream out the part of the body you're damaging, they're not really all that hurt. If they scream "brains!" they're a zombie. You should probably run then.

[Don Chavez]