Sidney Crosby to Retire, Says Caps Fan Writing This

03.14.11 Written by Brandon

Veteran NHL star Sidney Crosby

Bob McCown of the Fan590 in Toronto made waves on Friday when he reported he had heard Pittsburgh Penguins star Sidney Crosby’s family was trying to convince him to retire for fear of risking more injury.  As the adorable Crosby (pictured above) is not old enough to speak for himself, his Dad called ESPN to let them know this wasn’t true.

“Not at all,” Troy Crosby, from his Halifax, Nova Scotia, home, told ESPN. “We’re just trying to get him healthy again. However long that takes, that’s how long it’s going to take.”  Crosby then told his son Sidney to get down off the couch, following the command with “I’m not telling you again!”  He then began counting, causing the Penguins great to sit down and be quiet for fear of what would come after two.

Crosby’s agent Pat Brisson also refuted the report, adding “na na na boo boo” and urging the veteran radio host to “stick [his] head in doo-doo.”

The young star, who was driven to practice today in his Dad’s mini-van, was severely concussed back in January when professional hockey players dared touch him.  According to recent updates from the Penguins blogs I frequent, Crosby is actually totally fine, nothing happened to him in January, and he’s just been chilling at home drinking juice boxes and eating Lunchables from the last three months.

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Sid’s Scoring Streak Stopped As Alliteration Aficionados Applaud Arrogantly

12.30.10 Written by JOSH Z

Pittsburgh Penguins point producer Sidney Crosby had scored in 25 straight games heading into last night’s tilt with the New York Islanders. In hockey, an individual “point” can be either a goal or an assist, and the Croz had registered one of those in every game his team had played since November 5th. But last night, despite 26 minutes of ice time, overtime, and a shootout, Crosby’s streak came to a halt.

“That wasn’t me. It was a complete team effort,” [Islanders goalie Rick] DiPietro said. “The defensive corps played with a lot of focus and a lot of heart. When we’re playing smart in our defensive zone, we’re a good hockey team.”

“It would’ve been nice to keep things going, but it was one of those games,” Crosby said.

–Y! Sports.

Oh, by the way, the Penguins won lost that game, 2-1. I’ve made it plainly known that Sidney Crosby is not my favorite player in the game right now, but 25 straight games with at least one point is impressive. But on the other hand, losing it to the Islanders is almost equally unimpressive. We’re nearly back to zero, but I give credit where it’s do, even if Dr. Seuss claims credit for the headline of this post. Screw Dr. Seuss. I bet his mustache sucks.

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Jeremy Roenick Has A Future In TV

12.21.10 Written by Burnsy

Retired NHL journeyman Jeremy Roenick was a special guest on The Price Is Right yesterday and while I have no idea why other than he was available, the whole thing was about as ass-backwards and uncomfortable as you can imagine, yet surprisingly fun. From Roenick getting his hug on with Lauren, the cute contestant who should call me, to his goofball fist-pumping, the former Blackhawk did a pretty good job, especially when it came to almost completely ignoring host Drew Carey. Their high five belongs in the White People Hall of Fame.

But for added comedy, Pittsburgh Penguins and Washington Capitals stars Sidney Crosby and Alex Ovechkin recorded separate video appearances and I can’t get through Crosby’s “We’re playing these guys ootdoors” without giggling like a stoned toddler. All in all, it’s a pretty solid performance by Roenick with bonus points for making a joke about his inability to win a Stanley Cup. Dan Marino would have thrown a hissy fit and broke the TV before wetting his pants and running off set.

Video clips after the jump…

(Special thanks to my homegirl Beeks from Geektress for sending me these clips.)

Read the rest of this entry »

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Sid The B*tch Strikes Again

11.30.10 Written by JOSH Z

There aren’t many things on this earth that I can’t stand more than those fascist little Serbians, and one of them is Pittsburgh Penguins center Sidney Crosby. “Sid The Kid” was the first overall pick in the 2005 NHL draft, and by all accounts, the 23-year-old has lived up to the hype. His accolades have been well-documented and deserved, but every so often, Crosby pulls some garbage reminiscent of that preppy little third-line kid whose dad coaches the team and does whatever he wants. These pot shots taken against his opponents are infuriating, almost as much as the NHL’s stubborn refusal to discipline him.

Another glaring instance of Sid’s preferential treatment surfaced last night when Crosby pulled a slewfoot on the New York Rangers’ Brandon Dubinsky Ryan Callahan, kicking dude’s skate out from behind. And it was Dubinsky that wound up getting called for interference. Slew-footing carries a match penalty and subsequent ejection from the game, which obviously did not happen.

“That’s just a dirty play,” Dubinsky said while on the MSG set. “That’s just the type of guy he is. He tries to get away with all that kind of nonsense and complains a lot.”

Watching the replays of Monday’s action, it also appeared Crosby slew-footed Sean Avery in the third period. This time Crosby earned a tripping call, offset by a matching minor to Brandon Prust, who took exception to the play.

–ESPN NY.

Crosby, in my mind, personifies everything I hate about the “new NHL”: this new wave of players aren’t forced to be accountable for their actions. And Crosby getting the Dwyane Wade treatment doesn’t make the NHL’s product less entertaining and more infuriating. He may as well hit Dubinsky from behind with a steel chair while Evgeni Malkin distracts the referee. At the least, that’s cowardice that most of us can appreciate.

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Sidney Crosby Is Good At Mashing Balls

09.09.10 Written by JOSH Z

sid_ovie_huers

Pittsburgh Penguins center Sidney Crosby took batting practice at PNC Park earlier this week, and he’s already the Pirates’ best hitter. Derp! Seriously, that’s a good-looking stroke. Watch after the jump as The Cros pops one into the upper deck with the smoothness. But yeah, now that the Bucs have 40 roster spots, you think they could leave one open for this guy? I can’t wait to see Crosby take a dive while sliding into home plate. Read the rest of this entry »

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CROSBY COMMITS ANOTHER HOCKEY NO-NO

05.27.09 Written by JOSH Z

So something crazy happened after the Pittsburgh Penguins finished off their sweep of the Carolina Hurricanes last night, and some of you won’t fully appreciate this, but…whatever dude. So Sidney Crosby went up to accept the Prince of Wales trophy and…actually picked it up and skated around with it BUT DID NOT HOIST! Regardless of whether hoisting was involved, Crosby amusingly violated one of the great NHL superstitions of handling the team’s conference trophy before the Stanley Cup final. Kinda like touching yourself when there’s an actual woman in the next room. Sort of.

It was actually the Carolina Hurricanes that, after winning the Wales Eastern Conference in 2006, surrounded the Wales trophy, posed with it as a team, and skated off the ice without touching it. They won the Cup in seven games.

The monolith actually found four instances where the jinx didn’t seem to apply, including the 1991 Penguins, but that team was so damn good they could have touched a classroom full of third graders and sauntered out of court the same day. Whether it has merit or not, the no-touch of the conference trophy is yet another one of those fun hockey traditions that seems ready to die. Soon, hockey players won’t even be coercing women into sex against their will, and I’m not sure that’s a world I want to live in.

|video cap via Blitz Corner|

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