SI’s Jimmy Traina was nice enough to link to our Kate Upton Cheeseburger-stravaganza in this morning’s Hot Clicks. This caused three things to happen:

1. Happy clapping
2. A statistically-unnecessary-but-socially-correct linkback (enjoy those hits, Monster Sports Conglomerate)
3. Me watching the video of Kate’s Beach Bunny 2012 swimwear shoot provided by the HotClicks, googling “Kate Upton” for twenty minutes and discovering the rest of the shoot we previewed on a Saturday back in January.

So at the risk of burying you in barely-related-to-sports Kate Upton posts, here are nearly two dozen shots from the Beach Bunny “Deep Blue” campaign, a video of Kate in motion to stave off those “meh, photoshop’d” trolls, and a preview of her appearance in this year’s Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue.

Enjoy. I hope it causes

1. Happy clapping

(but not like that)

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I have no idea what game Kate Upton was attending when this video was shot, and I really don’t care. Kate really knows how to Dougie, and is not afraid to show it. It’s amazing; this girl is only 18 and she already has America eating out of her hand. That would have been my second choice, for the record.

–@ArashMarkazi, via @Unsilent.

I have it on good authority that David Letterman is still alive, and the fact that he’s still appearing on nightly television where the audience claps instead of laughs. There was more clapping when Letterman brought out the SI swimsuit models for his nightly Top Ten list.

Alyssa Miller, who I guess I’m now stalking in my free time, did No. 4, and she was right: acting is in her blood. I’d like to see her play a talk show host serial killer. What show? Oh, it doesn’t matter. I’ll settle for a Letterman-inspired character’s demise for now until the real Dave has the decency to put us out of our misery.

Video’s after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

Img Credit: Walter Iooss, Jr. for Sports Illustrated

Alyssa Miller was in Las Vegas doing press for the SI Swimsuit Issue when I caught up with her yesterday afternoon. Miller, who turns 22 on the fourth of July, told me about the independence she enjoyed while working on her first swimsuit issue, how that job differs from her other modeling work, and why she’s one of the few supermodels that actually will pose in the buff. This interview was transcribed and edited for clarity. Click on images to embiggen.

This your first swimsuit issue, isn’t it?

Yeah, I’m a rookie! It’s my first year. It’s really exciting for me! Everyone keeps saying that the excitement’s going to wear off, I’m really jaded about the whole experience. I’m exhausted, but it doesn’t even matter. I’m having so much fun.

Is the SI Swimsuit Issue the Super Bowl for models? Is there such a thing? I know this is a major achievement, but how major?

There is no other magazine like SI. It’s one of a kind. It’s one of the only big American magazines that really feature the girls and their personalities. You really do become a household name after being featured in SI. It’s a huge, huge deal. It’s such a big deal to me as an American girl. My brother and my dad read it, so for me it’s especially exciting. It’s a big deal. >>

A Florida man *long pause, sigh* was arrested this week after he went shopping at a local Walmart for a birthday present for his daughter. At least that’s what William Tyler Black told police after he was busted for masturbating in the toy section. How is this sports related, you ask, as your monocle falls into your martini glass? What, you don’t consider public masturbation a sport? Fine, he was masturbating to the 2010 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.

Released in February, the Swimsuit Issue is available throughout the year at places like Walmart, where you can’t buy an album with explicit lyrics, but if you’re really lucky you can buy an extra sticky Star Wars light saber. Black was busted by one of the store’s employees, and I assume that lucky minimum wager witnessed a whole new kind of rolling it back.

How exactly did this public skin flautist get caught, Smoking Gun:

A store employee told cops that Black “ejaculated onto the floor and wiped his hand on a toy along with rubbing his foot in the suspected semen on the floor.” Employees reported that Black “discarded the magazine behind some toys and proceeded to the front of the store.”

Black was charged with battery on a child, among the other indecent goodies, because between the mess on the floor and wiping it on a toy, it was safe enough to assume that a child would have eventually come into contact with the spunk. Even better, though, Black is a substitute teacher, so we can only imagine what he was using to stick stars on his students’ tests.

SI swimsuit model Noemie Lenoir, perhaps tired of working in a career where she can’t eat anything, gobbled down a bunch of pills and alcohol in what authorities are labeling as a suicide attempt. It was either that or an evening with A.J. Daulerio. He likes to get down.

The model was found unconscious by a passerby in a wooded area near her home in Paris before being taken to a nearby hospital.

Hmmm. Supermodel lying in the woods…she’s totally unconscious…and I’m just wandering out in the woods here…nobody’s really around…Hey, we’d better get to the hospital! Allez! Allez! So

Lenoir, 30, had been dating Carl Hirschmann, a Swiss millionaire who has been embroiled in a sex and blackmail scandal, according to the Daily Mail.

Hirschmann is accused of organizing videotaped sex romps with intoxicated models and then demanding money in return for not posting the videos on the Internet, according to the Daily Mail.

His legal woes also include being accused having sex with a minor and forcing someone, not necessarily a minor, of committing a sex act against their will, according to the newspaper.–NY Daily News.

I could see how that would get somebody down. But come on, you’re a supermodel. I’m not saying your life is all fuzzy bunnies and pink puffy clouds, but how bad could your life be? Your millionaire boyfriend blackmailed a few of your work friends. Big deal. At least you were unconscious in Paris. Try being unconscious in Dayton sometime. Then you can talk about having problems. More images after the jump… Read the rest of this entry »