Despite a rumor that had him pitching for a team that doesn’t make me want to kill myself, New York Yankees ace C.C. Sabathia jumped on the Internet on Halloween night to post a YouTube video announcing his brand new — and dare I say, fat — contract extension. The particulars of the deal, from Rumors and Rants:

The New York Yankees have reportedly agreed to a new deal with left-handed hurler CC Sabathia that will add $30 million to his existing contract. Sabathia had the opportunity to opt out of his deal this offseason and this move ensures that he will be in the Bronx for the near future.

Sabathia had until midnight to opt out of his current pact, which had $92 million remaining over the next four years, as he was scheduled to make $23 million each of the next four seasons. The new deal will add a year to the deal (2016) at $25 million, and gives the Yankees a $25 million option year in 2017, with a $5 million buyout. So basically the Yankees guaranteed Sabathia an extra year and at least an extra $30 million to convince him to stay.

C.C., the guy who took out a big ad in the newspaper thanking Cleveland Indians fans for not completely turning on him until he’d left the room, didn’t mention how the contract makes 2017 guaranteed if he spends x-amount of time off the disabled list or any of the particulars you might scan the wire for … he just wished us all a Happy Halloween, thanked the Steinbrenner family for making his literal and figurative never-ending buffet of financial success a reality, and said how excited he was to see everyone (even Greg Golson?) at the ballpark next year. I know he plays for the Evil Empire and all, but I feel like if you hate C.C. Sabathia, you might be doing it wrong.

You can watch the video below. Warning: It is a blonde wig and some karaoke song lyrics away from being a Shaq video.

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As Jim Tressel was booking his flight for a mandatory NCAA compliance seminar next month, more questions arose over the integrity of the Ohio State football coach’s program. The school announced over the weekend that they would be reviewing car sales from two Columbus-area dealerships to at least eight Ohio State football players and their families. More than 50 sales from 2004 to 2010 will be under investigation.

Public records show that in 2009, a 2-year-old Chrysler 300 with less than 20,000 miles was titled to then-sophomore linebacker Thaddeus Gibson. Documents show the purchase price as $0.

Mauk could not explain it. “I don’t give cars for free,” he said. Gibson said he was unaware the title on his car showed zero as the sales price. “I paid for the car, and I’m still paying for it,” he said, declining to answer further questions.

–Columbus Dispatch.

To be fair, that’s about as much as I would pay for an American car these days.

But the Buckeyes are giving us an argument to bring the NCAA’s death penalty–a one-year ban from competition–back to Division I football for the first time since Texas’s Southern Methodist got the chair in 1987.

If both this and the “Tat Five” investigations are determined by the NCAA to be major violations, Ohio State would be slapped with the “repeat violator” label, placing the football program within the proper criteria for such a ban. Of course, Jim Tressel probably knew all about this, but just wasn’t sure who to tell about it. Oh, quiet Jimmy. I bet when he was nine years old, he was a Catholic priest’s wet dream.

PHILLIES UPDATE: Philadelphia is reportedly the front runner in a bidding war that includes the Kansas City Royals for Jeff Francouer. Bidding war. Francouer. Why did I even wake up today?

UPDATE: The Baltimore Orioles just traded for Mark Reynolds. He hit .198 and struck out 211 times in the NL West last season. In the AL East he may strike out in every at-bat. Your move, Expos!

When news of Jayson Werth’s amazing new contract came over the Twitters last night, I asked myself two questions – 1) How much did the Boston Red Sox give him and B) How could the Sox be so dumb? So I’m going to offer all my Sox friends a hearty apology right now because I really thought Boston would give Werth – a guy who has never topped 100 RBIs in a season and is now on the losing side of 30 – a ridiculous 4- or 5-year deal. Instead, I am tipping my sweat-stained St. Louis Cardinals cap to the Washington Nationals for giving Werth a 7-year deal worth $126 million. Seriously. Seven years. To a 31-year old. Never hit above .300. Only three seasons as a full-time starter. Had the luxury of hitting with Ryan Howard, Chase Utley, Jimmy Rollins, Raul Ibanez, etc. Now, Ryan Zimmerman. Seriously. $18 million per year. Until he’s 38. Seriously.

All dismissive wanking and dumbfounding astonishment aside, I understand what the Nationals are doing here. They needed to make an impact move. They’re still the Montreal Expos and they’re still picked on and disrespected by everyone, including Baltimore Orioles fans. Imagine that you live next door to an unemployed night club DJ, and every morning when you leave for work he comes outside and throws an egg at you. I don’t even know what that means, but I assume that’s what it would be like to live in Washington DC and have to deal with Orioles fans constantly yapping about how it’s their town. Look, my logic probably makes little sense because I’m still three sheets to a Conference USA championship hangover, but I’m having a hard time figuring out how Jayson Werth gets a 7-year deal worth more money than what Matt Holliday makes. Seriously, he’s 31-years old. He struck out 147 times this past season. Adam Dunn is also 31-years old and he struck out 199 times last season for the Nationals. But he also has hit for more than 100 RBIs in six of his 10 MLB seasons. Yet he doesn’t get a new contract from the Nationals. Maybe I just don’t get sports. Maybe this whole life is a lie. I’m so lost and confused. Somebody hold me.

They say that the greatest thing about golf is that you can continue to play into old age. Well, 77 year old Norma Clark didn’t buck that theroy when she was chosen to take a 50 foot putt for the chance to win $10,000. Spoiler alert: she makes it.

Things here don’t pick up until the 1:00 mark, but this 77-year-old woman attempts a 50-foot putt for $10,000. The announcer screams like Gus Johnson and goes in for sneaky kiss like Richard Dawson. –Sports Illustrated

Norma does a great job of not breaking her hip during the celebration. I hope her cookie-baking skills are as good as her golf game. Video after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

One of the biggest stories in football this summer was the contract disputes between Chris Johnson and the Tennessee Titants. Well, if you couldn’t tell by my use of the past tense, or this post’s headline, the Titans and Chris have come to an understanding. The specifics of the 2,000 yard rusher’s newly worked deal have yet to be announced, but Johnson will be getting paid more money this coming season. It’s a good thing too, those rims are expensive.

Chris Johnson has officially received the pay raise he was looking for.

The contract will pay Johnson more money this season by accelerating some escalators that he had unlocked for future seasons.

So Johnson will arrive at Titans practices next week a happy camper. And he’ll still that way — at least until next offseason. –PFT

Good news for Chris, the Titans, and people lucky enough to get the number one pick in their fantasy draft. Hopefully, Johnson will find ways to stay in the news now that his contract disputes are over. That man gives one hell of an interview. Read the rest of this entry »

According to today’s New York Post, New York Jets cornerback Darrelle Revis is less than pleased with a proposed $100 million contract extension that the team has reportedly presented to him. Revis allegedly claims the six-year extension to his current contract is insulting because it lacks any guarantees. And also because the Jets’ lawyers drew little middle fingers over the I in his name.

The news of this proposed contract extension has further angered Revis because he believes the Jets have leaked both this news and previous news that he was asking for $20 million per year in order to make Fireman Ed and Jets Nation think that he’s being greedy. Revis, in fact, is only asking for $16.2 million and to be the highest paid corner in the NFL. And if the Jets don’t want to pony up, then there’s a decent chance that 31 other teams will have the opportunity to do so.

Buy back the remaining years on my hairline, Pro Football Talk:

Here’s how it works. Revis signed in 2007 a six-year deal that, upon the achievement of certain modest triggers (which he has satisfied), can be reduced at his option to four years. Then, the Jets can buy back years five and six at $5 million guaranteed in 2011 and $15 million guaranteed in 2012.

Here’s the problem. When the contract initially was approved in 2007, the 30-percent rule that limits the giving of raises in uncapped years to players under contract didn’t apply, because a salary cap was in place. The thinking is that, when the Jets try to buy back the last two years of the deal, the NFL will block the maneuver as a violation of the 30-percent rule.

There are a lot of ifs, ands, and buts involved in this theory – mainly the thought that the Jets will let this go much further with three other star players asking for extensions as well – but the main point is that Al Davis isn’t getting any younger. So if the Jets wouldn’t mind, Davis would like to get this check made out for $200 million dollars for 5 years of Revis’ service before the New Year.

Rex Ryan recently reached out to Revis after the DB skipped practice because he was feeling lightheaded, even though it later turned out that he skipped out over the contract issue. Despite the lie, Rex reassured reporters that Revis is a leader and hard-worker, and then he unhinged his jaw and swallowed Erik Ainge whole.