This is really happening, folks. Do not adjust your monitors, and do not spit that tobacco juice on my clean carpet. Adidas is actually selling these cowboy boot sneakers, designed by Karl Lagerfeld’s favorite young designer, Jeremy Scott. Don’t worry, I’ve never heard of him either.

Adidas says they’ll “get you rodeo-ready with their hybrid cowboy-boot-meets-basketball-trainer style” and Latino blog, Remezcla describes them as the, “mexican hipster-est thing ever,” but honestly, we’re just confused.

These bad boys were designed by American fashion designer Jeremy Scott in a series that “seems to be Southwest inspired”, according to Remezcla. (Via HuffPo)

Sure enough, the Jeremy Scott Mega Soft Cell Boots are yours to be owned for just $300 a pair, and as soon as you pick up your new cowboy sneaker boots, or whatever the heck they should be called, shoot me an email. Because I would love to know where a person would wear these and whether or not they’ve played basketball in them. I’ll need video of that ASAP.

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If this ends up being true, it might be the greatest thing ever: during an interview with KXTG in Portland, Oregon, former Packers offensive lineman Matt Brock introduced the theory that Ndamukong Suh’s Thanksgiving stomp session may have happened because Green Bay offensive line coach James Campen told Evan Dietrich-Smith to untie Suh’s shoes. Seriously.

From the MLive.com transcript, with a hat tip Shutdown Corner:

The center, or one of his guards, he’s had like one or two starts in his career and he’s got to play against Suh. So he’s pretty puckered, right? So, he talking to James, the offensive line coach, going, “What do I do? What do I do?”

James is just in his mind going, “This guy is going to get killed. I got to take his mind off it, give him something else to do.” So he says, “Ok, every time you’re in a pile, I want you to focus on something. I want you to untie his shoes.”

He goes, “What?”

“Anytime you can, just reach in, he’s got floppy shoe laces, he doesn’t spat or anything, just untie his shoes. It will irritate him.”

He untied his shoes three times in the game. That’s why he stomped him. That’s why he banged his head on the ground and he stomped him. When (Suh) went to the sideline it looked like he was telling the coach, “I didn’t do anything” and he put his foot up like, “I didn’t stomp him. I didn’t do anything.” He was actually going, “The damn guy keeps untying my shoes.”

Two things come to mind:

1. Thank God Suh doesn’t play baseball, if an untied shoelace can set him off like that, who knows how he’d react to a shaving cream pie to the face. Roger McDowell would sneak up to give him a hot foot and get his skull crushed.

2. Suh should consider switching to velcro. You can’t tie it, and it makes an angry noise when you pull it apart.

Links

NBC ‘Fixes’ Schedule by Removing ‘Community’ - I can’t wait for them to cancel ‘Parks and Recreation’ to replace it with something stupid about a single woman in the big city trying to balance a relationship and a career. [Warming Glow]

Six Seasons And A Movie: The Stages Of ‘Community’ Grief On The Internet - I’ve been at “not cool, not cool, not cool” all day, but I’m getting pretty close to one of those Annie screaming gifs. [UPROXX]

This Shirt Is So Streets Behind - Former Best and Worst of Raw column fill-in Andrew Johnson starts writing about a dumb new WWE shirt and ends up ranting about Community. This is what NBC is doing to us, people. [The John Report]

Depression Sets In II: 5 Songs Describing The NBA Lockout - To continue the theme of depression, basketball is gone forever. What’s next, is God going to cancel cupcakes? [Smoking Section]

The Best And Worst Of WWE Raw 11/14: Raw Gets Rocked - To continue the theme of depression, I had to watch three hours of The Rock trying to make things Twitter. If you haven’t read and commented yet, come on, go do that, would you? [With Leather]

The 10 Most Disgraceful Moments In MMA History - It must be horrible to be Kimbo Slice, fighting for a living but knowing deep down you couldn’t win a fight unless a helpless white guy was taking a dive. I could probably beat up Kimbo Slice. [Cage Potato]

Wear Your Nerditry With The DC Comics Collection By Converse - Not since the Portman-Kunis soccer jersey have I wanted a piece of clothing on the Internet as much as I want those Riddler shoes. Holy sh*t. [Gamma Squad]

Fake Anything Is Readying An Ad Campaign For All Of Your Inside Jokes - The fake Seinfeld movie posters are amazing. [UPROXX]

Twihards: Still Crazy After All These Years - The last Twilight movie should be full of guts and hardcore nudity and make us feel like assholes for not supporting it for the last five-or-whatever years. [Film Drunk]

The 10 Best Heavy D Videos - Also known as “every Heavy D video”, because every Heavy D video is the best. [Popcrush]

9 Athletes Who Are Way More Religious Than Tim Tebow - He’s not really that religious, he just prays a lot and hates abortions. He’s about as religious as the people in my family who never actually go to church. [The Smoking Jacket]

The Coolest 8-Bit Subway Station in the World - Why does this have to be so far away? [Unreality]

It looks like nobody’s playing pro basketball on Christmas this year, but that hasn’t stopped Nike from handing out their annual “ugliest imaginable shoes” Christmas presents to their top players. The color-swapped kicks you see above are the 2011 LeBron James Christmas Shoes, purchased for LeBron out of charity when Nike was waiting in line at the store and overheard him coming up a little short on cash at the check-out counter. The lockout will do that to you.

I’ll let The Basketball Jones explain the pros and cons of whoever decided “red and green versions of your normal shoes” were a better idea than covering them in Charlie Brown faces or two-sizes-too-small Grinch print’s decision.

Nothing too exciting, but unmistakeably Christmas. It’s not bad that these aren’t super crazy shoes. These might be the most wearable Christmas shoes you’ll see, for that very reason. Everybody on the Milwaukee Bucks could rock these on opening night (RIP) and that would look totally normal.

For more on the shoes, check out this video report from our new basketball blogger, Bob Carlisle.

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Ultros cosplay. I think I just found my Halloween costume.

Links

Custom Knit Final Fantasy Kicks by PrettySneaky - These shoes are the coolest. I want to buy them on sale, just to see if the ads say “I, GARLAND, WILL KNOCK DOWN ALL THE PRICES”. [Gamma Squad]

New Rum Diary Clips: Amber Heard Parties Naked - Oh Amber Heard, you aren’t a very good actress, but I’m going to convince myself you’re awesome. Also known as the Amanda Seyfried Rule (or to most people, the Anne Hathaway Rule). [Film Drunk]

Tensions At #OccupySesameStreet Are Heating Up (New Photoshops) - I wish the Internet had been around during the civil rights movement, just so we could’ve seen people photoshopping Dragonball characters onto the Rosa Parks bus. [UPROXX]

Rihanna Wearing Nothing But Kale On The New Esquire Cover Doesn’t Make Her The ‘Sexiest Woman Alive’ - I don’t get Rihanna. She’s not even the hottest person doing this schtick. Last time I checked, Scarlett Johansson didn’t suddenly die and necessitate a replacement. [UPROXX]

Trombone Shorty – “Do To You” (Star Slinger Remix) - Just writing a sentence to say how badly I want people to call me “Trombone Shorty”. [Smoking Section]

We Are Still Kraken-Lackin’ - ATTN People who write for the nerdy UPROXX site I should’ve gotten shuffled onto by now: the Kraken isn’t around because I made Kratos kill him with a bridge. [Gamma Squad]

The Simpsons Embrace Horsemaning - Certainly better than the time they embraced “dogging”. That’s a great joke if you watch too much porn. [Buzzfeed]

Kate Beckinsale Is Holding Up Alright - Hopefully she’ll hold up long enough to make a good movie before she dies. [FARK]

Finding New Homes for the Stars of Fall 2011′s Canceled Shows - I was a little disappointed by this, because I thought they were literally going to try to find new homes for people, and like Amber Heard would get stuck on an episode of House Hunters. [AOL TV]

10 Needlessly Sexualized Versions of Everyday Products - I feel uncomfortable every time I use a bottle of Fathead shampoo. [Smoking Jacket]

81-Year-Old “Doctor” Offers Free Door-To-Door Breast Exams - I’m also offering these over the Internet. Send me pictures of your breasts, I’ll check them out and get back to you. [Brobible]

The 9 TV Actors Who Were Never Supposed To Leave Their Castmates In The Dust - This is a pretty interesting list, if only for how violently Mila Kunis rawdogged the rest of her cast. Also, Freaks and Geeks cast photos make me sad. [Pajiba]

In a pro football world where wearing high-top cleats to honor the passing of Johnny Unitas can earn you a $25,000 fine, it shouldn’t come as a huge surprise that players hoping to wear red, white and blue gear on the 10th anniversary of 9/11 is a punishable offense. Chicago Bears linebacker Lance Briggs tweeted about his new patriotic Reebok gear and how he expects to be fined for wearing it. So did Kansas City Chiefs running back Jamaal Charles. So did Washington Redskins tight end Chris Cooley and Tennssee Titans quarterback Matt Hasselbeck and most of the San Diego Chargers. So whether or not the league approves, they can’t fine everybody for supporting their country … can they?

Briggs:

Reebok great job on these gloves and shoes..looks like I’m getting fined this week. Lol! By far the best fine I will ever have to pay. Thanks…Fines for gloves could be as much as 5k..the shoes 8-10k I think. not 100% on the shoe fine.

Is wearing 9/11 commemorative gear “showboating”? Is it being done to draw attention to the players who choose to break the rules? To give them more media coverage? I’m blogging about them. I think it’s a valid consideration, but when your talking point is “do I or do I not want to show respect and reverence to my country’s worst tragedy in my lifetime” I’d hope the simple gesture of fellowship and patriotism would not go hand-in-hand with the Lambeau Leap. At the same time, what are Never Forget gloves accomplishing, and isn’t there probably a better way for rich people to show their support to the victims of the attacks?

Regardless, don’t assume the league is totally heartless: the NFL and NFLPA will donate $1 million to related charities and memorials. Of course, the average NFL team is worth about $1.04 billion and ESPN just completed an eight-year extension worth as much as $1.9 billion annually with the NFL for the rights to Monday Night Football, so the issues of “how much can we give” and “how much can we take away from you” sort of go hand in hand.

[h/t Shutdown Corner]