Shaq is about to get his doctorate and become Dr. Shaq, but he doesn’t want you calling him “Dr. Shaq”.
Shaquille O’Neal’s appearance on last night’s episode of ‘Conan’ featured the usual Shaq interview fare — stories about how he used to do “little guy things”, and the time he bought two Ferraris (Ferrarii?), cut them in half and superglued them back together so he could have a super Ferrari — but the highlight is definitely his conversation about the modulation process that occurs when a funny boss tries to be a serious boss and vice versa, and how he’s not gonna let grown men call him “Shaq” when he’s a doctor.
Of course, kids are still allowed to call him Shaq. No word on whether or not they’re allowed to yell WATCH OUT FOR THE SHAQ ATTACK a la Marge Simpson and pass the ball into his face.
I guess the other highlight is Conan breaking out the “tiny set” for Shaq. He should use it the next time he interviews Kristin Chenoweth and pretend he’s a monster.
The best part is that a guy who can create exploding chemistry bombs is getting bossed around by his wife. “That’s it, you’re DONE!” I’d be like, “f**k you, eat a face of death bubbles” and just spread gun that sh*t at her. Via Buzzfeed.
Pot, Meet Kettle: Shaq Calls Dwight Howard Leaving Orlando A “Travesty” - Now he’s got to start insulting peoples’ terrible rap albums and genie movies. [Smoking Section]
20 Most Cromulent ‘Simpsons’ GIFs - I was hoping the Grandpa Simpson “walks in, sees Bart, turns right around and leaves” gif from the Maison Derrière would make the cut. [Warming Glow]
Submit your questions for our first “Ask a Porn Dude,” with Seymour Butts - Two-parter: “Can you get me Shane from Shane’s World’s phone number, and if so, how much would she like to sleep with someone who is extremely nostalgic about her?” [Film Drunk]
The 10 Definitive Nicolas Cage GIFs - It must be weird when 10% of you is a genius, and 90% of you is just AHHH THE BEES NOT THE BEES NOT THE BEES AHGGGHHHH [UPROXX]
International Trailer For The Amazing Spider-Man Shows New Action - Spider-Man battles The Shocker, can’t see him because he’s looking through yellow eyes, gets shocked, dies. [Gamma Squad]
In Case You Were Wondering, Chris Brown Is Still The Absolute Worst - If I could put one fandom on The Magic School Bus and tell Ms. Frizzle to pilot that sh*t into the sun, it would be Team Breezy. [UPROXX]
Shirtless Jeff Goldblum Pretty Much Demanded Jurassic Parks And Rec To Happen - That “I thought it was terrible wine” line still makes me laugh. Everything needs to get mashed up with Jurassic Park. [UPROXX]
Bill O’Reilly To Kate Upton: “Get Off My Lawn!” - Re-linked here to help meet our Kate Upton quota for the day. The best part is that O’Reilly thinks the dancing is what we like about her video. [With Leather]
Ten More GIFs Of Jeremy Lin, The Most Undeniably Exciting Thing In Sports Right Now - The most exciting thing about sports is that pitchers and catchers report this month, but I’ll give it to them, Lin is #2. #3 is slam dunks! [Buzzfeed]
Man Suffers Heart Attack While Eating at Heart Attack Grill - Hold on, I need to put in my monocle before I write about this story. [Popcrush]
11 Crappiest Movies Of Michael Caine’s Career - “Come on, it wasn’t that funny of a movie” has to be this generation’s most damning insult. Also, Cars 2 blew so hard. [Pajiba]
Eight Giant Movie Plot Holes in Eight Images - Some of these are good (the Toy Story one in particular made me go, “ha, oh man, you’re right”) and some aren’t (Star Trek, Jurassic Park). Regardless, it’s something I’d like to see more of. [Unreality]
Nas Tells His Craziest Party Story Ever - “One time when I was chillin’, I grabbed the buddha, got my crew to buy beers, and I watched a flick … of course, I was both illin’ and rooting for the villian. Anyway … huh?” [Brobible]
I ran into Charles Barkley at a bar in Orlando on my 30th birthday a few years back, as he was in town for the NBA playoffs, and I had two of my paid escorts attractive lady friends approach him and ask if he’d take a picture with me for my birthday and he said no. Two seconds later, I saw a flash go off and there was the Round Mound of Poon Hound taking a picture with four random girls. Naturally, I was a little pissed, but “Cool story, bro” aside, this is my way of saying that because Barkley is a dick, a lot of us have grown quite fond of him as a TNT analyst for the NBA. His honesty is simply fresh and funny.
But that doesn’t mean that he is a comedian. Barkley hosted “Saturday Night Live” for the third time this past Saturday, marking the second year in a row that he’s hosted the first show of the new year. And just like his first appearance in 1993 and his second appearance last year, Barkley’s third go as host was filled with terrible delivery, poor timing and the most excruciating cue card reading this side of an infomercial for The Perfect Meatloaf.
If you don’t like pro wrestling, you may not understand the near-constant, terrible game of mental chess going on in the heads of its fans.
We don’t live in the moment — we live six months down the road from the moment, discussing and arranging and rearranging where we think the match or moment we just saw will end up. We’re always three moves ahead in a game that doesn’t exist, and that spreads to the Internet, and that spreads to news. Sadly this is as close as most wrestling fans will ever come to playing chess.
Shaquille O’Neal today on the Abe Kanan show mentioned that he is in talks for a match against Big Show at this coming year’s WrestleMania.
Fans have been speculating about a Shaq vs. Big Show Wrestlemania match since July of 2009, when the two came to blows during Shaq’s guest hosting appearance on WWE Raw. Big Show is the most Shaq-sized guy WWE has and Shaq isn’t busy with basketball anymore, so hey, why not? Big Show has proven that he’s the go-to guy for the best and worst of celebrity guest matches, having a fantastic match with boxer Floyd Mayweather at Wrestlemania 24 and one of the worst pieces of sh*t you’ll ever see against Sumo Grand Champion Akebono at Wrestlemania 21.
Plus, Shaq is no stranger to pro wrestling. Ever wanted to see an old white guy rip off Shaq’s clothes in a masculine rage? That and more, below.
Hey there, With Leather reader, were you one of the lucky, forthright individuals who thought a hologram-embedded band could be scientifically proven to enhance balance, flexibility and strength because Shaq and Drew Brees and some tennis players said so? Did your brain trick you into thinking someone would sell super-human strength for only $29.99? Do you play those Nigel West Dickens missions in Red Dead Redemption and think, “hey, this guy’s onto something”? Then you’ll love this quote from TMZ, which you probably already read:
Power Balance — the company that allegedly duped athletes into believing its bracelets could provide super-human strength — is about to take a $57 million dollar hit in a lawsuit filed by people who called BS on the product … TMZ has learned.
Now, sources with direct knowledge of the situation tell TMZ … the company has reached a settlement worth $57.4 million, intended to compensate all those who were misled into buying the product.
And it gets worse for PB — we’re told the company will be declaring bankruptcy and plans to fold up shop altogether.
You can order a Power Balance Bracelet today via Amazon for $2.60, a 91% discount. And hey, just because there’s no scientific evidence to back it up and the phrase “holograms which are embedded with frequencies” is meaningless doesn’t mean those 33 five-star reviews are invalid. Right? Uh, right? Sh*t, now what am I gonna tell my friend at the mall kiosk?
Everything’s a placebo, though, isn’t it? Eventually we’re going to find out we don’t even need food, we’ve just convinced ourselves that we’ll starve to death if we don’t have it. If I can’t trust a Shaq-endorsed mega bracelet, what can I trust?
Shaq Talks About The Moment The Lakers Dynasty Died - Stupid Deadspin, always getting the exclusives. The only review copy of a book I ever got was a hardcover about Derek Jeter, and I can’t really make a news post with “Derek Jeter is great and everyone thinks so” blurbs. [Smoking Section]
4 Science Fiction Series Netflix Should Bring Back - I don’t really care about ‘Reaper’, but bringing back the other three would be great, especially Justice League. That show was secretly the best thing on TV for like three years. [Gamma Squad]
Bret Hart vs. Shawn Michaels: Behind One of WWE’s Greatest Rivalries - The Masked Man reviews the latest WWE DVD and makes 100% fewer “we’re gonna get hungry and leave no man untested” jokes than I would’ve. Don’t ever let me write for Grantland. [Grantland]
Our Favorite TV-Related Halloween Costumes from Walking Around NYC - I wish I’d thought to do this for Austin, but I wouldn’t be able to stomach all the “hipster” comments. I saw one guy dressed as “think outside the box” and he was just wearing a box, no lie. [Warming Glow]
Someone Shouted “Where’s Bumblebee Now?” While Shia Was Getting Beat Up - It would’ve been better if Shia himself had yelled BUMBLEBEEEAHHHH while getting beaten up, but I’ll take it. What a Disturbia-ing situation! [Film Drunk]
Bill Murray Fan Art: A Sneak Preview Of Gallery1988′s ‘Please Post Bills’ Exhibit - If anybody deserves fan art, it’s him. [UPROXX]
The Last Words of 25 Geniuses - I hope my last words are “I’ll get you next time, Gadget” and possibly “yeaaarghhhh”. [Buzzfeed]
Heck Yeah, CHIKARA! - My new favorite independent wrestling Tumblr, pending at least two more Archibald Peck gifs per week. [Tumblr]
Plugin Allows You To “De-Kardashian” Your Browser - Great, there go our pageviews! [The FW]
Top 10 Lil Wayne Songs - I like the one where he mumbles and it sounds like he wrote it in 20 seconds before the music started. You see a lot of crooks and the crooks still crook! [PopCrush]
5 Easy Ways to Fix ’2 Broke Girls’ - “Take off Kat Dennings’ shirt” had better be on here somewhere. [AOL TV]
Six Influential Dead Guys I’d Like to Have Dinner With - My list would include Buck O’Neil and Jesus, just to see how Buck reacts, and to see which one I like more. [Unreality]
God’s Eye View: The Supercut - Now somebody do a Dog’s Eye View Supercut where it’s clips from every Dog’s Eye View video. [High Definite]