While signing huge alimony checks to his ex-wife and not signing with any NBA teams, Shaquille O’Neal is known for being an attention hog, gladly clinging to anything that can keep him in the spotlight. And this week that host body is 16-year old pop star Justin Bieber. Shaq showed up during Bieber’s sound check on Tuesday before his show in Phoenix, and what took place was one of the most embarrassing things to happen to the US Airways Center since the Phoenix Mercury.

Shaq and J-Biebs traded jokes with each other before Shaq professed his love for the pint-sized Canadian via song. Crooned O’Neal: “Justin Bieber, yes I love you. I hope you like me, I’m your biggest fan.” And nobody tell Shaq that his shtick ever gets old, because his brand of humor is timeless and refreshing like Andy Rooney or Vaudeville.

Remind Shaq that he’s 76-years old, Billboard:

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A certain celebrity tabloid blog, if you will, gave us this footage of Shaquille O’Neal facing off against Oscar De La Hoya for Shaq’s new TV show, “Shaq Something-or-other,” who’s actually 5-feet-10-inches tall, but looks like an anorexic Oompah-Loompah next to the Man of Stealing Food From Ben Roethlisberger. C’mon, think about how much FATTER Big Ben would have been if he wasn’t hanging out with Shaq for five days. Ben’s like the white Elvis Presley. Wait, Elvis was white. via.

So Shaquille O’Neal’s poor excuse for an offseason training regimen debuted on ABC last night, and it wasn’t totally terrible. I watched the whole hour, which already answers my next question of why anyone would make that show an hour long in the first place. Notable moments in the show? Aside from Shaq’s fish-out-of-water routine on a football field? Nothing. On the show next week: your mom. Well, it may as well be, because I’ve given up on this show. I broke even on my first one-hour investment, and that’s as far as I’m willing to go.

Half-assed recap of last night’s show: Shaq and Ben Roethlisberger each took three turns quarterbacking different teams in what basically was a college-football overtime, only Ben started from the 40 and Shaq from the 20. Both “quarterbacks” scored TDs on their first two possessions, then Shaq was picked off (on what was blatant PI) and Ben threw a third TD pass for the win, though I’m 90 percent sure that the receiver didn’t have a second toe down in the end zone…