What David Beckham lacks in soccer playing abilities these days, he more than makes up for in being good-looking, having a ton of money, cultivating a well-rounded family (by all accounts) with his smoking hot wife, and being very, very good-looking. Seriously, there was a point in the 2012 Summer Olympics when Beckham was cheering on England’s Tom Daley and I thought it was going to take a million Kate Uptons to bring me back. But I’ve said too much.

Last year, Beckham introduced his partnership with H+M for its Bodywear underwear line with a series of underwear pictures – met by a few hateful jeers from the soccer community – and it was business as usual. The fact is, David Beckham likes being in his underwear. And now H+M is back with a new campaign and to celebrate that, the company has immortalized Beckham’s bulge in statue form.

You’ve heard of at least one undressed sculpture named “David,” but starting tomorrow, H&M will give Michaelangelo a run for his money with their giant David Beckham statues. (Via NBC New York)

*bowtie spins, helicopters penis*

The statues will be strategically placed in New York, Los Angeles, and San Francisco (now I know why Brandon is in California) and there’s an added cash prize bonus to anyone clamoring to get a picture of the statue.

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Fallen champion Barbaro will be remembered with a statue to be displayed in Central Park this April, but it won't be of the mighty steed winning races and screwing fillies, the latter of which would have been totally sweet.

"The Barbaro Memorial for the Right to Die" by controversial sculptor Daniel Edwards is a tribute to the late Triple Crown contender and is dedicated to the institution of euthanasia… "The Barbaro Memorial" will depict the thoroughbred champion in the winner's circle on his back with his number 8 saddle cloth draping his belly and hooves in the air, representing his inability to stand on his feet due to the debilitating laminitis which followed the shattered ankle he suffered in the 2006 Preakness Stakes…

"We believe a memorial dedicated to the Right to Die will encourage horse owners to forego their own self-interests and act mercifully on behalf of their suffering horse," said gallery co-director, John Leo. "If Barbaro has taught us anything, it is that horses deserve our compassion first." 

If Barbaro taught me anything, it's that people are goddam freaks who like horses way too much.  "Oooh, look at this beautiful animal.  It weighs a ton and has sharp hooves and bites and freaks out at any sudden movements.  Hey, I know: let's try to ride it!"  Fuckin weirdos.

By the way, Edwards is the same guy who did the statues of Britney Spears giving birth on a bear rug and Paris Hilton dead and naked on a coroner's table.  Up next for him: a statue of me pissing on the dead bodies of the cast of Entourage.  That would fucking rule.

[Lion in Oil] … and oh yeah, NICE SHOES ASSHOLE