Mike Tyson Weighed In On Sarah Palin’s Sex

Written by Ashley Burns / 09.16.11

It’s hard to believe that the recent story about the one-time sexual congress between former NBA star Glen Rice and attention-starved former-semi-governor Sarah Palin could get any better than it already is. Thankfully, the guys at Gridlock on KWWN ESPN Radio 1100 thought to ask the sports world’s foremost expert on hardcore interracial sex, Mike Tyson, what he thinks about the greatest love affair of our generation.

“Glen Rice is a wonderful man. He’s a wonderful guy,” Tyson said, “But you want her to be with somebody like [Dennis] Rodman getting up in there. Pushing her guts up in the back of her head!

“Glen Rice is a nice, mellow, docile man, non-threatening black guy — you want someone like Rodman — yeah baby! Imagine Palin with a big old black stallion ripping — yeehaw!”

(Via Larry Brown Sports, where you can hear the full interview)

If you’re not at least smiling right now, well, you’re not human. You want more? Here comes the crazy train.

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You Can’t Spell F*cked Without The U

Written by Ashley Burns / 08.17.11

When the mail arrives today, the folks at Yahoo! Sports are probably going to have some nice thank you notes on Ohio State and USC letterheads, because Charles Robinson’s mind-blowing investigation of the University of Miami could possibly go down as the biggest college football scandal in history. Even Southern Methodist alums are probably high-fiving this morning.

Former booster Nevin Shapiro spilled the Cuban black beans on nearly a decade of improprieties that include Hurricanes players and coaches (football and basketball) being paid, lavish house and yacht parties, prostitutes, jewelry, and even bounties for players to cause injuries to opposing athletes like Tim Tebow. Shapiro, in more than 100 hours of taped confessions, even claims to have paid for a stripper’s abortion. Throw in his admittance that his own sports agency, Axcess Sports & Entertainment, was funneling money to college players in exchange for their agreement to sign with them, and you’ve got yourself one hell of a scandal.

But don’t worry, Miami’s officials are taking this all very seriously.

“When Shapiro made his allegations nearly a year ago, he and his attorneys refused to provide any facts to the university,” [Miami associate AD for communications Chris] Freet said. “We notified the NCAA enforcement officials of these allegations. We are fully cooperating with the NCAA and are conducting a joint investigation. We take these matters very seriously.” (Yahoo!)

You bet your darn patootie they take this seriously. They’re likely going to hang a sign around Shapiro’s neck, labeling him a Ponzi scheme-running scoundrel, but that’s not going to alter the public perception of “The U.” What should happen? If the claims are true – and apparently there are 20,000 pages of financial documentation that suggest validity – then it’s the death penalty, even though that doesn’t exist anymore. What will happen? Nobody really knows, but we can guess that it will start with a few years of red-tape-laden legal battles, with the majority of former Miami players, coaches (some of which are now at Alabama and Florida, among other schools), and administrative officials calling Shapiro names, notably a big ol’ poopy pants liar.

Either way, we’ll be entertained. Miami fans won’t, but there are only a few hundred actual Miami Hurricanes fans on this planet, so the convenient fans will just find a new team. Have fun with that, Florida Gators. After the jump, check out the juicier quotes from Robinson’s incredible article.

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The Incredibly Strange Love Affair Of Kyrie Irving And @MissHawaii

Written by Ashley Burns / 07.07.11

When the Cleveland Cavaliers selected Duke guard Kyrie Irving with the No. 1 overall pick at this year’s NBA Draft, they may or may not have known that Irving was having some girl issues. Back in March, the sleuths at Black Sports Online discovered that Irving was involved with a girl named Jessica Jackson – calling herself Miss Hawaii on Twitter – but to what degree they knew each other was a mystery. So buckle up because we’re heading on a non-stop ride to Crazyville.

Jackson claimed that her and Irving first met through Twitter (when will people learn?) and began exchanging text messages, phone calls and Skype sessions, and since I don’t want to drag this out with boring details, she claimed it was all very sexual. Then something went wrong, and Jackson began publicly accusing Irving of harassing her to the point that she had to file a police report. So even though she claimed to be letting the law handle her problems, she went ahead and released images of their alleged texts and Twitter messages.

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Eric Berry Is Not Into Porn Parties

Written by Ashley Burns / 06.16.11

Back in May, Miami played host to the annual Exxxotica convention, which is basically Comic Con for porn enthusiasts. The event draws freaks, pervs, strippers, fetishists and porn stars from every corner of the world, and one entertainment event promoter would even have us believe that it brings in NFL stars. Athletes at a sex convention? Not in my America.

Alas, it might be true, because Kansas City Chiefs safety Eric Berry is one of five NFL players in hot water after it was discovered that they may have been promoting a party during Exxotica. A promotional image for the party, known officially as TITS Official Miami Launch/Pornstar Exxxtravaganza, showed Berry, Brandon Flowers, Kareem Jackson, Major Wright and Jacoby Ford in their respective team jerseys, which violates the NFL’s infringement policy.

Say it ain’t so, Eric! Say it ain’t so!

“In an effort to leave no doubt about my involvement, I did not attend this party,” Berry said. “I wasn’t even in Miami on May 20th. I did not have knowledge of, or consent to my name or image being used to promote any party involving porn stars. I’m upset that somehow my name has been attached to this, and am currently considering legal action against the club and event promoters. I also support any legal action the NFL is considering.

“On May 20th I was actually in Kansas City promoting a book signing with my friend and mentor Inky Johnson and raising funds for my foundation. Let’s end this lockout and play football. Go Chiefs!” (Go Vols Xtra)

If the man says he was with Inky Johnson, he was with Inky Johnson, dammit. Also, Inky Johnson sounds like either a Tyler Perry character or a horrible venereal disease.

As for the flyer, I’ve included it below and while it seems to be a case of an ambitious promoter with basic Photoshop skills, it’s also a bit odd that those are the 5 players he’d pick. I mean, at least say Jay Cutler was there autographing his new chindo.

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Rex Ryan Is Here To Cooperate, Snack

Written by Ashley Burns / 09.15.10

Rex

Only a few days removed from losing their season opener on Monday Night Football, the intergalactic championship favorite New York Jets are still answering questions about the accusations by Pulitzer-winning TV Azteca reporter Ines Sainz. Sainz, of course, became a household name after she Tweeted that Jets players were harassing her during one of their team practices in New Jersey. Jets Coach Rex Ryan assured the media that his team is an open book and they are fully cooperating, adding, “Mmmmm, butterface.”

Ryan claims he doesn’t know what Sainz is talking about; however, his name has been reported among the potential harassers in question. But when she was at the MNF game between the Jets and the Baltimore Ravens, Sainz was glad to answer questions about it. Then she was glad to go on the Today Show and talk about it. But, trust us, guys – she thinks it is being blown way out of proportion.

Heartfelt quote and video of Ines on the Today Show after the jump:

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High School Coach Ran A Prostitution Ring

Written by JOSH Z / 09.13.10

gimp football coach

An Ohio high school football coach was busted in a prostitution ring. Todd Allen Pooch, 36, of the 500 block of Liberty Drive in Huron was one of three men arrested for running a sadomasochistic fetish parlor. Jeez, that’s the government for you. Always hurting small businesses.

Acting on a tip about a prostitution ring operating in the 3500 block of Ninevah Road in Greenwich, deputies went to that address on Sept. 1 and arrested Douglas E. Lucas, 53, Huron County Sheriff’s Capt. Ted Patrick said.

With a search warrant, they also seized items used in sexual role-playing, such as neckties, ropes and dog accessories.

At least one 47-year-old woman was allegedly working as a prostitute in Lucas’ home at the time, though she hasn’t been charged.

Lucas faces a fourth-degree felony for solicitation. He was released from jail after posting bond the day after his arrest. –Sandusky Register.

Oh come on. Who among us hasn’t been anally penetrated with a whip handle while having a tennis ball strapped into his mouth? That sort of Puritan prudishness might fly in Huron County, but I’ll have no part of that, thank you very much. I’ll be spending time with my good lady in a way that I see fit…just as soon as I get back from the hardware store.

WEEKDAY PICKS: Ravens (pick) over JETS. Chargers -4 over CHIEFS.

Lines for today’s picks can be found at BetUS.com

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